A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiAfter being suspicious of my boyfriend's relationship with an ex over the past few weeks due to strange messages on his myspace and him becoming withdrawn and weird, I recently discovered that he had been texting her inappropriate messages, and had nearly ending up having sex with her. Following finding this I was quite rightly distraught and contemplated ending the relationship, however we have been on and off for 4 years and up to this point had been very happy, and working. I do a hell of a lot for him. I've pulled him out of a lot of dire straights with money and his lifestyle. He has problems with depression and smokes weed which changes his personality. I have as my friends put it put up with more than a lot of people would from this relationship, he has been a foul person at times, and has often brought me down, but suffering from depression myself ive always understood that some times you take it out on people your closest too. After discovering his near affair I could not help but check his phone to reassure myself he was telling me the truth when he said it was just a blip when we were fighting and that he wouldnt have went through with it. I found text messages sent to his friends describing me as a head case and that my reality was different to his and he was fed up ( without telling them what hed done). And then worse text messages to the girl saying similar, but also saying it did not change the way he felt about her and that theyd just have to 'play it safe now'. There was no messages from either or anything incriminating from the date I found out. When I confronted him with it he said that he was just angry at being found out, and didnt mean any of it. He loved me and wanted me and it had taken nearly loosing me to realise. I love this man hurrendously, but am finding it difficult to keep my head straight after all this. My friends, and suprisingly his closest friends have all told me to leave him but I feel like I dont want to. I dont know what to do I keep flitting between anger and upset and I genuinely do not know what to do.
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female
reader, michellesays +, writes (19 March 2008):
been through a similar situation myself and know exactly how you are feeling. one good sign that you should leave him though is that his freinds are telling you to. this is never a good sign because he will be telling them exactly how he feels about everything that is happening. so be carefull youleaving him may also kick him into gear and he may realise what he is losing and fight for you if not maybe it is time to realise that there is always someone out there that has the love and energy to fight for your love and attention and maybe this man is stopping you from finding that person.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): Honey, I have been through similar situations more than once. You are not doing yourself and your self worth any favours by staying with him.
He is just stringing you along.
I know you love him, but he is using that love against you. How does that make you feel? How can someone love you back when they use you like that? I learned that it doesn't matter how much you love someone. If they don't love you back in the way you deserve then there's no point in continuing. The only person who will get hurt is you, and better now than later.
Good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, honeyross +, writes (19 March 2008):
 It's not fair being treated this way by anyone. You may feel that it would be too difficult to leave him because you're probably in an emotionally vulnerable state at the moment.Please consider how he's actually contributing to your depression.You seem to be making excuses for him. It appears that he's manipulating both you and the other woman. The fact that the relationship has been unstable for a long time suggests that it is toxic and based on neediness, rather than love and respect.To me it seems as if you owe it to yourself to end the relationship. Your friends appear to be very supportive and I'm sure they'd advise you where necessary and help you to get over him.You'd have to be very brave to break up with him. Good luck!
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