A
female
age
41-50,
*torybook_girl
writes:I am new to this site - I guess I am desparate to talk to somebody about this problem and feel like I cannot even trust my friends. I have been married for 10 years and have a daughter. I have never cheated on him before in my marriage. He was gone working for 5 1/2 months and we only got to talk by phone a few minutes every day. I got very close to man that has long been a friend of both mine and my husband. One night I somehow ended up in his bed - I am still not quite sure how? I knew immediately I had made a mistake and I told him so the next morning. But now he won't leave me alone - he says he has been in-love with me for years. I want to be with my husband I want this guy to go away - but so far the only way I see to make that happen is to tell my husband, which might end my marriage. What do I do? I do care about this other man but I am not in love with him. I have told him that and it doesn't make any difference. I would appreciate any advice you are willing to give.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): Is he some kind of magic sorcerer who conjured some spell on you in order to make you have sex with him?
Girl, you know how you ended up having sex with him, how can you not?
If you tell your husband, he will either A) Divorce you & get the kid, or B) Stay with you, but never trust you again.
You shouldn't have broken your vows. :-(
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Difficult one this one, and normally i am all for honesty but you sound like you just made a mistake rather than deceiving your husband by having an affair. i presume it was a one off, which does make a difference.
You could confess and be forgiven but chances are it will always get thrown in your face and rock the boat in your marriage.( i confessed once to a one night stand with a close friend and my relationship never was the same)and with hindsight by confessing i hurt my boyfriend, the friend,his girlfriend, they split up. my name was shit for a long time. Now fifteen years later and that boyfriend long gone i see that truth is correct but only for the right reasons, i told the truth because i could not CARRY the guilt and wanted to off load the burden and did it in the name of TRUTH. Now i see that it would have been better carrying the guilt myself and not hurting all the others just because i felt guilty. i should have been kinder to myself as well and recognising that my partner was in prison for been a naughty boy and should have been at home with me anyway. That situation was created by a gap that should not have been there and opportunity stepped in.
And the fact that the guy was your husbands mate will cause a lot of trouble no doubt. I would have another talk with this guy and say that he will wreck the family home and your daughter and his friend will be the ones that suffer. Tell him to stay away and do the right thing and you may have to learn to carry your guilt if you feel this way. Who knows if your husband has not had an odd fling too when working away? I'm sorry i couldn't give you advice on what to do, but just tell you one side of the coin that i tried and with not a good outcome. But please don't fall into a real affair because this would be so wrong and i bet this guy is pestering you that much in hope that you do this just to keep him quite, be warned.
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A
male
reader, honeyross  +, writes (24 October 2008):
 Maybe you should try telling this guy that you can't talk to him for a while - you could make it a month or so. I don't know what kind of communication you have/have had with him but maybe he's confusing your kindness and care for possible interest.
If you were to strictly maintain the non-communication he might begin to realize how serious you are. Even if you decided to tell your husband (which is not necessarily the best thing to do), or he were to find out about it, your broken ties with the guy would show your husband how seriously you have taken the situation.
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