A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend have been on and off for years. After 5 years i asked him are you sure you really want me?Because lately id been feeling like im more than a nuisance in his life. He spends time going places and doing things with his mates sayin im not adventurous enough or dont let him drink enough when we go out and all we seem to do is sit in front of tv. The times he has dumped me has left me in an awful state. But when we get back he makes an effort for few months then things go back to the way they were. This time we broke it off because he said he wanted me sometimes but not all times. Then he gets in touch a week later saying if we got back together we'd need to get engaged! How can someone go from wanting to break up for good to this statement? I'm so confused. I'll also add that my parents dont want me anywhere near him cos they are fed up picking up the pieces.
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female
reader, troysyaussie  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 i agree completly with dr. pete. this will never ever change. find someone that is going to love and respect you forever and not when it just suits him.
A
male
reader, honeyross +, writes (31 July 2008):
 It seems as if he likes having you there when it suits him. Rather than being lonely and having to confront himself he has you waiting in the wings as a support. He probably talked about getting engaged because he felt he might lose you unless he said something like that. Don't allow yourself to be used in this way. Every time he dumps you he is weakening you a bit more. He doesn't love you. Rather than asking him "Are you sure you really want me?", ask yourself "Do I really want you and all the misery you're bringing me?"It seems as if you have a lot to offer a man who will respect you and give back what he receives. Surround yourself with your friends and family and dump this man for good.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008):
It's clear you love this guy and want to be with him, but realistically I don't think he's ever going to give you what you want. How many years longer are you going to continue with this on/off routine? How many other chances of happiness are you going to miss out on?
It's very common to end up in a relationship where you yo yo in and out of a relationship, I think anyone who's had a few relationships has been where you are now.
You two obviously bring out some good qualities in each other, and you should never deny those good times, but you need to be honest in that you also bring out bad qualities too. If you were really right for each other, you'd be happy and settled together by now, not keep ending up at square one again.
Your parents will never know exactly how special the times are when things are going right between you, only you and him will share that, but I do think they are probably right, as they probably do have a better perspective on this as they can see how upset and out of character you must be when you are hurting.
I think you need to take a step back from your life and ask yourself what you really want. Do you want to be in this situation in another 5 years time? Or do you want to be happily settled down and thinking of the future? The choices you make now will determine what happens then.
Think hard about what you want. Put yourself first, don't keep trying to understand your boyfriend, instead, start to understand yourself.
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A
female
reader, KimmyDee20 +, writes (31 July 2008):
 Hiya, ok first things first it seems he is extremely confused in his own state of mind , and in some ways is understandable that your parents feel that way about your boyfriend .. they are just simply tired of seeing you hurt and they love you.. but on the other hand despite what your parents say to you , however i feel you need to sit with this man and have a very long chat with him ask him again what he wants out of this relationship and vice versa , i feel you need to let him know how it makes you feel when he dumps you and then weeks later wants you back, it certainly not fair on you and definately not fair on your family to see you distressed ... If you are willing to take him back again then i suggest that you tell him that if his confusion gets in the way again then you will walk away for good , i know its hard for you as you have been with this man for a long time but you need to show him that you are not a pushover and that you are not someone who lets a man comes and goes as he chooses , if you dont then he will always want to come and go when he chooses , remember look after number one and that is you ....all the best Kimmy
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A
female
reader, heatherrrrrrr  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 Oh yes, this guy sounds like he is more than a little confused. When people want to break up, it doesn't mean they don't love you anymore. Sometimes they just need to move on, try something new, maybe just be single for a few months, or have fun dating again. Whatever the reason, it doesn't make it any easier to hurt the person you care about, even if you're not IN love anymore. Guys who do this back and forth stuff, they really want it to be over. But like you, your boyfriend also experiences pain when you are separated and the quickest way to end the pain is to get back together. He will probably continue this pattern until you put a stop to it and end things for good. It sucks, but there it is.
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