A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was seeing a bloke 4 years ago for about a month, I hadnt told anyone and just kept it quiet. I really liked him but got scared and called it all off. I now realise that it was because Ive never met anyone so nice and was scared that if i let him too close I would get hurt if he ended things. He was devastated and we havent seen each other since appart from the odd time acroos a nightclub but ive always walked away because im so ashamed. He did tel my friend a year ago that he wanted to speak to me but I never did because I feel so guilty (a year after i eneded things with him I met someone else and have been very happy) Im now gettin married to that person in a week and we have a 2 year old daughter). My question is if im so happy and getting married why does this person still enter my head, it makes me feel guilty that I am thinking about him do you think it is because It was so all unfinished? Does anyone have any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (23 August 2007):
 What your experiencing right now is extremely normal! it has nothing to do with not being really happy with the man you are about to marry. It has to do with your nerves and because Marriage is a huge committment. However, about the man you met all those years ago, i feel you have regrets! You have those "what if" questions brewing in your head! That too is normal because you have unanswered questions about him..could he have been the one?...did i ruin something that had potential?...Thats why I believe never let fear guide you. However, though regrets are very hard to deal with I also believe that things happen for a reason! For whatever the reason you werent meant to be with that man.
You have to believe that now in order to move on. You cant turn back the clocks but today is not that past therefore you dont need to relive it!
Enjoy your special day and dont let things that MIGHT HAVE BEEN ruin that !! and dont let anymore fear guide you!
~dee
A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (22 August 2007):
 You have answered your own question, you are thinking about him because you finished it before knowing if it would have gone anywhere, you are sub conciously thinking it could have been him you were marrying.
Love is so complicated an emotion and it makes us react in the totally opposit way to what we do normally, we become possessed by it and too end it because you were un-sure and frightened has just let things hang.
You do need to move on and you seem to be happy with your new bloke. this worry is just because you will never know what could have been with this bloke had you let love run its course. try and see it like that and move on with your life, you need to be happy and marrying this bloke does seem the right thing to do, we cannot predict the future and we cannot change the past. good luck!!
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A
male
reader, Charlie84 +, writes (22 August 2007):
Who do you want to be with more? Who will make your life more of a pleasure? Don't get married for the sake of the child and don't ever feel that just because you're getting married its the end and you can't change things.
I would say meet with this guy again and know for sure what it is you two had. Don't go through life wanting and wishing things were different because thats not healthy.
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A
male
reader, honeyross +, writes (22 August 2007):
 I think you're right in saying that the reason why he enters your thoughts is that there was no closure on whatever you had with him. The thought remains - what if I had tried to make it last? Would it have been better than what I have now?
You say that you now realise you called it off because you really liked him and didn't want to be hurt. Perhaps you ended it because you somehow knew he wasn't right even though you had strong feelings for him and you wanted to avoid the inevitable heartbreak - maybe one of the reasons for keeping it secret.
You have two choices. Number 1 - try and see the bloke from 4 years ago and risk your future marriage for something that probably won't work anyway (it was when you were both younger and in different stages of your lives, and you couldn't really have known him that well). Number 2 - remember the love you had for him but focus on the feeling, not the person. Try to forget about him and focus your attention on nurturing and improving the love for your future family.
Don't forget - it's probably just a normal case of pre-wedding jitters.
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