A
male
age
41-50,
*sappyh
writes:I am a gay male and have been in a committed relationship with a man for 3.5 years, living together for two of those years. We love each other intensely, but it seems that he hardly wants to be touched by me anymore. We have sex about once a month, whereas it used to be all the time. He told me that he was raped twice about five years ago. I have a tenacious sexual appetite and I am extremely frustrated, to thew the point where I have had thoughts about cheating. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008): Have you told him how you feel about the situation? If you love each other there should be some kind of mutual understanding.
I don't think that you should cheat on him though, if you love him, you would feel incredibly guilty, especially if it's something that can be solved.
I think you should tell him how you feel, but put it in a nice way so as not to hurt his feelings or make him feel uncomfortable.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, honeyross  +, writes (9 March 2008):
 Although it's a very sensitive issue, especially for him, I think it's best to talk about it. Sex is an important part of a relationship because it's what makes it different from just a friendship. Also, for a relationship to work properly, your needs need to be largely satisfied.
The problem is, you don't want to appear to be blaming him or making him feel inadequate. You could find the right opportunity to tell him how you're concerned about there being less love-making and how you miss it.
Maybe you could try going to a sex therapist? What you may want to explore is why there has been a change from having sex often to having it only once a month. Perhaps he's feeling tired and so has a lower sex drive at the moment, or perhaps the rape trauma hasn't been resolved properly and has become more of a problem for him recently.
If the relationship is worth saving, you'll both have to work hard at looking at the cause of the problem. All the best.
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