A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I need your advice. I had disturbing news about my younger brother-in-law from a friend who works at the same place and I try to digest it. She says that he is a player and emotional seeker. According to her, she plays games to lead the girls on that he likes them and then when they fall for him and advance for more he backs off, even a girl suggested him to go to her place to do some repairs when her husband was away! Thanks God, he refused it! He and my younger sis were high school sweet-hearts and are happily (?!) married for about 10 years now and none were in another relationships. They have 2 little kids and my sis is financially and emotionally dependent on him. My sis had some depression periods in her past, and is not easy for me to share this information with her. That's why that I think when I share this info with her I better have have some advices ready as well. I have done some online searches but I did not get anything. He looks like a nice and kind dad and husband. I never saw anything from him to feel that he is not happy. I can't get what my sis can do or both can do to fix this issue. More disturbing is that he is recently hitting on a married younger girl and she even complains to her friends about his advances ( some even physical). Sorry that my post is not very well organized. so, if I want to summarize my questions are as following.1- what is a player who seeks only attention? and why a man does this? how to fix it at home?2-Should my sis confront him?3- is playing games for attention is an emotional cheating?4- Can it become a real cheating at some weak times in their marriage? ( sleeping with them)Thanks for your help! I really need it!
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female
reader, PeachCobbler03 +, writes (12 September 2013):
 Unless you have concrete proof (and not just hearsay), I think your best bet would be to speak with your brother in law about the issue.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (12 September 2013):
 Don't say anything to your sister, however confront your brother in law and tell him you need the air cleared as you have doubts and would like to hear his version. Keep calm, no temper and tantrums just hear him out.
Are you sure your sister's depression is not related to her knowing her husbands flirting behaviour? If she chose to over look it, you will come off as the bad person trying to ruin her life. Hence the suggestion to speak to her husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): I totally agree with Aunty Babbit!"If you really can't sit back and do nothing, then I think the best thing you could do is tell your bro-in-law (privately) the "rumours" that are going round about him.If he has been flirting, he will probably stop doing it in fear of you finding out and telling his wife, if he hasn't done anything he would probably appreciate you letting him know what people are saying behind his back.Either way you protect your sister. If he has nothing to hide he'll probably tell your sister what you've heard anyway."Then when or if your sister came to you to ask why you didn't tell her, you can say it was hearsay and you didn't want to upset her or her family with rumours only. Hence your approaching HIM that if he is guilty of anything he can fix it, and if not, no harm no foul and he is alerted how people are talking and can try and stop it with his behaviour/actions. It could just be malicious rumours.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace  +, writes (12 September 2013):
 Sorry, disagree entirely with the others who say not to say anything. If someone had an inkling about my husband, particularly a relative, then I would want them to mention it so I could have a conversation with my husband about what was overheard. Secrets and lies do no good whatsoever. The truth will out eventually and if she finds out you knew and didn't say anything, that could destroy your relationship too.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (11 September 2013):
 I know this is a really difficult decision for you but to be honest this is just gossip at the moment.
You know absolutely nothing for sure and could potentially threaten your sisters relationship and destroy a family.
I know you have her best interests at heart but this is between husband and wife, not you.
Of course the gossip could be true but it could as easily be a pack of lies spread by someone who has a crush on your bro-in-law or just likes to cause trouble. If the gossip is true, then he's only flirted, he hasn't actually slept around and that would be because he likes flirting but loves your sister.
If you really can't sit back and do nothing, then I think the best thing you could do is tell your bro-in-law (privately) the "rumours" that are going round about him.
If he has been flirting, he will probably stop doing it in fear of you finding out and telling his wife, if he hasn't done anything he would probably appreciate you letting him know what people are saying behind his back.
Either way you protect your sister. If he has nothing to hide he'll probably tell your sister what you've heard anyway.
I honestly don't think you can go to your sister with this, at least while you only have a bit of gossip.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): Thanks,eyeswideopen, for taking your time and answering. I would like to clarify that people in a big country like the USA have so many different backgrounds and subcultures. I understand that I would sound like a nosey big sister to you, but it is not how it is looked at in my cultural background. The expectations in my extended family are apparently different and that is the base that gives me the right as well as involves me in being concerned with my sis life. I, on the other hand, would not go any further than providing advices to her. She will be the one who chooses her way and manage it. But for that, I need to educate myself first, and it is when I need your knowledge and experience. Thanks again for letting me share my concerns and being paitient with me...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): I agree with the previous poster. These things have a way of taking on a life of their own and ending up places that no one could have wanted or predicted.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 September 2013):
 Sorry but I think you need to mind your own business on this one. If and when your sister comes crying to you, you can be the big sister and lend her your shoulder but in the mean time you would be smart to mind your own beeswax. Trust me on this.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (11 September 2013):
 consider the source. This is a weak set of "facts" to move on. A friend told me that others told her. Do you really want to go blow up a relationship over such weak evidence? Sometimes the best option is the do nothing option.
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