A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Recently I found out my boyfriend still had a collection of porn and naked celeb photos - he told me he had deleted any porn and only looked at my pics. He is a good guy so I feel so sad he has lied to me. Why would he do that? He said doesn't need anyone else he loves me so much and thinks I am totally hot...feel like he just talks crap now and feel hurt....why do guys do this and lie if you are supposed to mean what you say to your gf? and what is the point of having private photos of your gf? Feel really let down and feel lost some trust in him....any help really appriciated....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2013): Any guy who agrees get rid of his porn on first ask is lying. I had to ask everyday for about three weeks.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013): There is a good chance that your dad, grandfather, uncles, brothers, male cousins, male friends, etc all use porn at least on occasion. I bet some or many of them use porn regularly. Yet you expect your bf to be the exception to the rule?
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (24 October 2013):
 To olderthandirt - some women watch porn and some men don't. That is a sweeping generalisation you've made there. Again, you've tried to justify men lying by saying it is in response to false accusations - really???? You really haven't made the case for men watching porn any better and you are essentially saying that if you back men in to a corner, they will lie. Crikey, what a weak willed race you are!!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (23 October 2013):
 This is the same old complaint..men like porn and women don't. It's like gravity, you can't alter it just 'cause you want to float like a feather in the wind. Ignore it. there's no harm in looking at fantasy. I agree that if it creats lying it might be seen as bad but the lies are in response to false accusations,i.e."you think I'm not pretty because you look at other women!" not true = a lie
If the paranoia associated with porn would go away then the argument would go away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2013): He likes it so much he won't give it up. Simple as that. You dont have to accept his lies or the porn. My boyfriend and ex boyfriend both found it boring. There are a lot of men who dont drink beer either. If it upsets you, you shouldnt have to put up with it. If he cant give it up he or wont that's his problem. Don't ever compromise your true feelings else you are not being true to yourself.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (21 October 2013):
I have the opposite view to everyone here pretty much. If porn causes men to lie - then it is bad. Has the trust gone out of your relationship now because he lied to you? Everyone seems to justify the lying because you pressed him on a subject - balderdash!! If he had the courage of his convictions then he would have stood his ground and said "I enjoy this too much and I'm not giving it up". So, fact one, porn turns a lot of men into liars. I for one don't like it for that reason. Do you feel this on a gut level? If you do, trust your gut! It seems some women here put up with it in order to not lose their partners, but they lose a part of themselves somewhere along the line and that is really sad. I remember a quote from a lady here who said she watches porn with her partner, and just feels really numb. It was the saddest quote I had ever heard. I personally don't want my partner seeking out images of other women to wank to, I think it is WRONG and he is very clear on my views. If you can live with it, then say so to your partner. If it causes a problem for you, then he will need to give it up in order to continue to be with you. It's as simple as that. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2013): For future reference, don't constantly moan because they will end up saying they were thinking about you when they weren't (I've had experience.)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2013): He looks at porn because sometimes he just needs to wank off, like if his girlfriend turned him down for sex. He hid it from you because he was sick of hearing about it from you (that you don't like him looking at porn). As long as he tells you youre hot and comes on to you, he's really not comparing you to porn stars - it's a way to get off while only thinking of himself or thinking about things you won't do with him. Just let him have a few DVDs and magazines and don't worry about it. It's not you, it's him. Really.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2013): He lied to you because you made him give up something he really enjoys and which HE doesn't see as being bad. He basically still doesn't share your view on porn no matter how much you may have explained to him why you wanted him to give it up. He didn't supposedly give it up because he suddenly agreed with you on how had it is. He still enjoys it and he still feels it isn't bad. The only problem to him is that you don't like it which he thinks is easily solved as a win-win situation if he simply hides it from you and lies to you.You can try your best to control his behavior but you cannot change his mind and attitude. He simply does not agree with you that porn has anything to do with you or the relationship. He still likes porn and still there's anything wrong about it. He understands that you feel bad when you see or think about him using porn. Therefore he will always try at least occasionally to use it but hide it from you to "protect" your feelings. I think you may want to examine why you put so much significance in porn. Why does it trigger your insecurities and lead you into catastrophic thinking about yourself or your relationship? Is it reasonable to demand your partner give up something he likes on the sole grounds that it hurts your feelings? I think in some situations it does. But in other situations I think a better solution is just to not expose yourself to it rather than wanting to have total control over his behavior even if you are not around.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2013): The main reason a man will lie about watching porn is because he thinks it will upset his partner. Then he'd be doing it behind your back and having to sneak around. Believe me when I say it has nothing to do with you, or anything you're lacking. They don't watch it because they want the women in the video, they watch it for the act, the intercourse and it's a fast way to get a release. Ask him later what she looked like and he'd probably not even remember.
My boyfriend loves me and we have sex on the regular, he also has pics of me and he still watches porn/looks at a dirty mag occasionally. He isn't comparing me to them nor does he wish he was with him. It's just a visual aid that works for all of what? 3 minutes? Sometimes I open a porn video and one of my boyfriend's pictures and masturbate to the both of them at the same time. The porn gets me aroused and then I look at my boyfriend's photo when I'm actually getting off because it makes it more intense and strong due to having feelings for him.
Sometimes, he will watch a woman that resembles me and think about throwing me in the mix. I'd rather not fight about this and let him do it so I at least know than have him sneak around behind my back. He's going to do it whether it's ok with you or not, I'm sure, so if I were you I'd act like it didn't bother you and then eventually you'll see there is no threat. Trust me when I say you'd rather be okay with this and let it go than have him start being sneaky and secretive or looking for ways to get you out of the house so he can rub one off really quickly.
My boyfriend told me once that he'll watch porn for a bit, turn it off, and then fantasize about what he watched with me included. You don't know what's going through your boyfriend's head and you could very well be a part of it. This will become a big issue if you don't try to handle it right now. He does love you. There is no emotional connection between man and porn. There is an emotional connection to YOU but sometimes you aren't around. Sometimes he's bored. Sometimes he doesn't want to think of the same thing over and over again. It's human nature. He's still going to get aroused by other ppl and we, as human beings, can't help that. I am totally in love with my boyfriend but I see men who I'd jump on in a second if I weren't with him. It's just the way we're designed.
About a year ago I had a problem with this but since I've tried to put it out of my mind it's not an issue. It was becoming one because I made it one. There is no threat in my relationship. My bf still wants me just as much as he ever did even if he watched a porn earlier in the day. Sometimes we get horny when our partner isn't around. That's all. You said he's a good guy so go with that, not what he watches from time to time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2013): "Why would he do that?"
I hate to tell you this, but this is a VERY common lie that a lot of men tell. Men know how sensitive women can be on this issue, so they lie to protect our feelings. They want us to believe we're the only women they look at so we'll feel good about our bodies, and feel comfortable with sharing ourselves with them. I'm not saying it's right, but they do it because to them it's the easiest solution. They get to continue doing something they did long before they met you that they enjoy, yet don't have to hurt you to do it. They view it as best of both worlds, I guess. It doesn't necessarily mean they would lie about anything else. They just don't see porn as a big deal.
"what is the point of having private photos of your gf?"
I'd be more worried if he didn't want photos of you. If you don't feel comfortable with him having them, though, then you should tell him that. My guess is you're not feeling "special" right now because you just learned your photos are just among many other naked women on his computer. Let him know this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2013): if you are going to go down this road, then make sure there are no male celebrities you like. make sure your perfect first.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (15 October 2013):
Aside from telling you he wouldn't look at porn, I'm sure everything he said is true. Watching porn doesn't mean he needs anyone else or doesn't love you.
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