A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My Uncle has cancer, how are we all going to get through this?. I live with my Grandparents and my Uncle. My Uncle was diagnosed with cancer a month ago. He has had a few tests, and he will get the results tomorrow. The doctor wants to see him and the family tomorrow. I'm so scared about what the doctor will say. My Uncle has been having problems with his breathing, and he has been in hospital for a few days now. He is having oxygen. I visited him today, and I was shocked when I saw him with the mask on. I almost bursted into tears, but I didn't want him to see how upset I was. He kept doseing off when he had the mask on. He has lost so much weight, and he looks so weak. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since I left the hospital. I feel like I wont be able to get to sleep tonight. Even being in the house is reminding me of him, as he lives here too. It already feels like a grieving process. I want to visit him in hospital again, to be supportive, but i'm scared to go back , as I don't like to see him suffering . I am also feeling guilty, as I haven't spent much time with him in recent months. I have heard that it is natural to feel guilt though when someone is ill or when they have passed away. I feel so sad, because he is such a lovely person, and we are so close. He is also my godfather. Do you think it's unlikely that he is going to live much longer, since he is needing an oxygen mask now?. The tumour is in his chest, and there are cells from it in his lung. It has been a terrible year. We had our 16 year old cat put down in March, and my Grandad was also in hospital in May. He has to see a district nurse every day . He has had problems with his circulation. He is very old though. I feel like I am going to have a breakdown, and I have panic attacks, and I know that my family, especially my brother, my mum ( my Uncle's sister ), and my Grandparents are taking it badly too. My Uncle has been very brave, but he has also been anxious too.
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female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (2 July 2013):
 I am so very sorry you are at an end of life situation. I believe some people struggle to leave their loved ones, so talk to him and find out if he has any wishes he would like to be carried out. If he has any firm beliefs, eg, religion, then see if you can get a priest to visit. Hold his hand, tell him you love him. Ask him if there is anything he would like to talk about. I am not sure if you are a believe but I recently went to see a spiritualist, partly because I was terrified of dying. She told me in detail many things that she could not have possibly known, and she told me that two angels would collect me when I am ready to go. And do you know what, the fear and emotion that I had held in for so long came flooding out. I hope there are angels waiting for your uncle too xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2013): Thank you for your replies everyone. We have had devastating news tonight. My uncle could pass away within the next 48 hours. His cancer is at a very late stage. My mum and grandma are staying over night with him in the hospital tonight. I hope that he won't pass away tonight and I am not there. I hope I will see him before he passes away. I am going to the hospital tomorrow morning. I would find it difficult to see him pass away, but I feel that I should be with him. I will feel guilty if I am not there when he passes, but at least I went to see him yesterday.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (1 July 2013):
 What you're feeling is completely understandable. A cancer diagnosis for someone close to you is a horrible thing. To me it felt like you were on a roller coaster -- no chance to stop it, let alone get off, you were pulled along to the end.
There is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better -- this is one of those situations in life that just is. My only advice for you is to do what you need to do so that you won't look back with regret. Is there anything you want to say to your uncle? Say it now. Don't worry about breaking down, don't be afraid of tears. This is a time for honesty. Your last chance, in fact. There's nothing you can do for him except be there with him. But you still have your life ahead of you, and what you do in the next few weeks will determine whether you look back at this dreadful time as something you navigated well, or with regrets you can never get past.
My thoughts are with you.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (1 July 2013):
Hi thereWhen you say he will get results tomorrow, do you know what tests they have done? Do you know what treatment they intend to give? The reason why I am asking is because when cancer patients are going through treatment, they tend to look worse than when they are not having treatment. I am not sure how advanced your Uncle's cancer is but there are so many treatment options available at the moment, mostly to prolong life if it is not curative. Also, do you know if the cancer has spread at all? Where is the primary site if that is the case? You mentioned something about his chest????? I currently am living with cancer which has spread from my breast to my brain and I am still here nearly 3 years after the initial diagnosis. I also have a heart condition. Everyone tells me I currently look really well, and I feel pretty good most days, a bit tired perhaps. All you can really do is be there for him and be supportive. He'll be pretty scared too I'll wager so talk to him. Take him something nice and nourishing to eat in hospital, as the food in hospitals is still pretty dire. Unfortunately in life, bad things do happen. If you accept that fact, then hopefully you won't feel so out of control in terms of your emotions. Please give me some more information so I can best advise. Also, if your local hospital has a Maggie's Centre, then get in touch with them. They are for people suffering with cancer, and their friends/family. It is the most welcoming place you will ever encounter. Every time I pop in to see them, the first thing they do is put the kettle on - that's my kind of place xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2013): First of I'm so sorry that your uncle has cancer, my mother in law passed away on the the 8th of June last month so I can acknowledge your anguish and stress. Watching someone die, is the hardest thing in life to do.. But no matter what we do, this is going to happen.. I cried .. At my mother inlaw beside .. I told her when she was living that I didn't want her to go.. And neither did she . We clung to each others hand.. Tears streaming down our face and I told her I loved her.. She was a great granny.. I think her seeing me cry and how heartfelt her loss was going to be on our family let her know how speciShe was to us.. Don't be frightened to let your uncle know you love him or that you may cry while doing so.. It is only natural... You have to prepare yourself to let him go.. Focus your talks on all the fun things you did . How you appreciated him being your godfather .. Any funny things he got up to as a child or with you.. Keep the topics light but most of all, say your goodbyes.. It sounds to me like he is declining, the body starts preparing when it knows its time to go.. My mother in law started sleeping more than was awake and we could talk and though she sometimes nod her head, she didn't open her eyes,.. If it helps she passed very peacefully the hospital made sure she had Meds to keep her comfortable and we miss her daily . And I'm sure the doctors will do the same for your uncle.The palliative nurse is a very good source to talk too and so is the Macmillan nurses you can ring then for advice or a chat without your uncle being seen by them ask the hospital for your nearest contact numbers .You have a lot on your shoulders at the minute, and If you need to off load vent, please come back on.. All the aunts and uncles here are very lovely caring people.. And don't worry we won't get tired listening or sharing or giving our advice .. I hope what I have shared has helped some.. Take care sweetie, god bless you all. X
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