A
female
age
41-50,
*oonlady123
writes:Why do some people argue that violence against women in porn is rare? Especially when recent research has shown that almost 90% of porn shows violence against women .Is it ignorance, because it serves their agenda to not acknowldged it or because they don't care. Or is it simply that they don't see it as abusive because they are so used to the way women in porn are treated ?http://m.smh.com.au/federal-politics/why-the-new-porn-norm-is-hurting-women-20110302-1be54.html
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2015): Yes make anon I agree that the average individual needs to play a part in educating and discussing such issues and raising awareness instead of blindly consuming this material and supporting the industry to behave the way it does Maybe the people with views like Empty 1 may begin to consider their role as a consumer and supporter of an industry that demeans women Every day there is more and more research and also more and more news articles about the impact of the porn culture on Society and especially the youth. God knows how these people will turn out. It really concerns me that certain porn users who are no issue with degradation of womenAnd even their wives may have daughters
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2015): If I don't like any of the political candidates running for office, does that mean I am morally wrong for voting for any of them? Should I never cast a vote unless I am 100% happy with everything about a certain candidate?
My point is this - men watch porn for a physical release. We aren't exactly in the mood to focus on the high moral principles involved. If most porn leans toward the abusive side then abusive porn will get watched just because it dominates the content.
I can hear the response to this now: "How you can you possibly compare voting with watching porn!?!?! Nobody NEEDS to watch porn! Men should just stop it if the content is not respectable!"
Yeah, just like men should never allow ourselves to eyeball a good looking woman if we don't respect her.
And women should never feel a surge of sexual feelings for the wrong man who might not make a good husband & father.
Is this the road we are going down? Men should be held punishable for having the wrong fantasies? Why aren't women subject to this? Is it just because women don't favor media images of men (who willingly got paid) to do degrading things?
I'm sorry that porn is a dirty industry. It does have a habit of exploiting women. But the world is a nasty place. Its full of men who work crappy, immoral, and dangerous jobs to support themselves too. We don't deal with this by deciding all those jobs should go away or holding it against everyone who supports those industries. Instead we use various ways to force the conditions at those jobs to improve.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2015): Regardless of the degree of simulated violence depicted, the porn industry is inherently exploitative of women. Very few well-adjusted women make an informed choice to make a career of performing graphic sexual acts while being recorded for purposes of public display. Many of the females who drift into the industry have histories of physical or sexual abuse, drug or alcohol addiction, or other long-term psycho-social issues. They are paid very little compared to the profits they generate for their (mostly) male employers and quickly discarded when their physical attractiveness begins to fade and there is a fresh crop of younger, prettier faces ready to replace them. But as stated in previous posts, the porn industry makes money from satisfying its paying customers just like any other business, and if there wasn't a large-scale demand for depictions of simulated acts of aggression and violence towards women, then purveyors wouldn't be spending the money necessary to produce them. I've suggested in previous posts that the audience for this type of porn isn't men who fantasize about have sex with women but rather men who fantasize about having power over them, and that can sometimes be a psychological response to a prior history of having been forced to be submissive to a castrating female, often the mother.Unfortunately technology has made such material available in any home. In my twenties one had to travel to red light districts in big cities to view hard-core films and in those days the porn industry hadn't grown and diversified into the specialized fetish-on-demand offerings available today. I tend to believe history is cyclical and one of the signs of a society's decline is a increase in debauchery and immorality as seen in Western civilization. I tend to suspect porn is much less an issue or an industry in China due to a tighter social structure and more repressive government, though I have no doubt the Chinese have the ability to catch up very shorty.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): The type of gagging and slapping shown in porn is rarely the type you refer to where the man ' happens to be too big . Usually the woman's head is forcedThere is no doubt they there will always be a minority of people who enjoy being choked spat on etc . There are also people who enjoy being defecated on , urinated on , cut etc .That's does not make it ok for the pirn industry to included these acts in most porn and send the message that hurting women is either what they want or desirable !!!!!!!!Especially in a society struggling with violence against women and girls . What messages do the casual inclusions of degradatiom and people ( especially young men and women ) about women value and how they should be treatedIf more people became conscious and less worries about their orgasm brng more important than respecting others the world would be a better place but obviously that's a long while fron happening
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): It's a big assumption to make to think that simply because a woman objects to porn because most of it is degrading that she has sexual hang ups or doesn't like acts . So much for all the pro porners who claim that a mans porn use have nothing to do with his partner yet are quick to accuse the partner of being aomehow repressed!!!!I actually consider myself far more adventurouse sexually that my partner . I also have no issue with nudity or sexuality Again, it is the degrading nature of most porn that I object to !!!If my partners were watching porn ( and open about it) that realistically depicted couples in sexual acts minus the revolving names , apitting and slapping that seems so common I would not see a problem If the mainstream porn sites didn't promote teenagers as objects and attempt to sexualise children through making them appear as young as possible .If the men who used porn behaved as if they even give a damn aboutWomen then porn would be fine For the person who recommended changing the world , great idea but it begins with attitudes and if anyone has any ideas and awareness fromIndividuals
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): As someone who is passionate about an unrelated subject of which the great majority remain ignorant and uninformed, I can empathize with your outrage and frustration.The unfortunate truth is that people tend to believe what they want to believe, and most will engage in contortionist, irrational, wishful and/or magical thinking to support those beliefs no matter how unfounded.No amount of factual evidence or data, no matter how voluminous or compelling, will change a person's mind if s/he doesn't want it to change.The good news is that a few people who know me well now accept the infallible logic of my position and have come to reluctantly agree with me (much to their good-natured psychological distress, as they now realize they are indeed affected by something they previously preferred to believe had no direct impact on their lives). Being the lone voice in the wilderness is not an easy lot in life, but it's what fate decided for me and I've come to embrace my role. It's very difficult to be right when the rest of the world is wrong, but the problem is being right is something that just won't go away no matter how hard one tries. All you can do is stick to your convictions and continue to spread information that hopefully will convince people to change their own minds. Be forewarned it may take some time; it wasn't until 1992 that the Catholic Church finally admitted the earth moves and issued a formal apology to Galileo 350 years after his death.
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (2 June 2015):
 Warning: my answer includes sexual content.
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The study you refer to cites "spanking" as the first (so, presumably most commonplace) form of violence observed, followed by "gagging" and "slapping."
This may be TMI for you, but I'm going to share it anyway because you seem to have a perception of these acts as being inherently abusive and that is NOT always the case.
This morning my partner of 3 years and I made love. Our session included spanking and slapping of my butt (he enjoys being spanked as well, but today I was on top and his butt wasn't available to spank) and it also included "gagging" when I took him in my mouth, because *I* enjoy pleasing him orally and he is larger than a mouthful. I can be the one totally in control of the motion (and I usually am) and still I'll gag occasionally when giving oral BECAUSE he is large.
My partner doesn't even WATCH porn let alone attempt to replicate porn acts with me, but by your logic I am being abused and having violence committed against me even though I enjoyed and/or instigated all of the above.
...Which is weird, because here I thought I was just starting my day off with great and mutually satisfying sex.
It's interesting to me that there's a multimillion-dollar book and movie series (50 Shades of Grey) built entirely on the premise that women secretly like to to be controlled, dominated, and/or "degraded" in the bedroom, and that the primary consumers of this material are WOMEN, yet where porn is concerned the idea that some women may actually enjoy SOME of the acts depicted is literally impossible for porn opponents to believe. I don't understand this, because there are women out there who in real life (not porn) partake in swinging, threesomes, anal, BDSM (both dom and sub) and so on FOR FREE. If I had that kind of fetish and I could be paid for indulging in it, I too might think porn was a good way to earn money.
Note, I'm not talking about women enjoying the truly "extreme" porn, I'm talking about the vast majority of one man/one woman or threesome porn which includes the so-called "violent" acts referenced above. The sex I had this morning was consensual and affectionate, but if someone had secretly filmed me and leaked the vide,o it would be "violent" porn according to the study you cite. That to me calls into question some of those statistics. And what about girl on girl scenes or solo porn, which is a huge market in and of itself? There's no man or penis involved - is that violent and degrading too?
The line that ALL porn is violent and degrading and no porn is acceptable usually seems to come from women looking to justify their own insecurities where porn is concerned. If you don't like porn, ANY porn, that is totally fine. It is entirely your prerogative. No one can make you like it and no one can make you watch it. But like others have said in this thread and in your others, if you object to your partner using porn and/or masturbation to meet his sexual needs, you should be prepared either to meet them yourself or to allow him to seek fulfillment of those needs outside the relationship/marriage, i.e. with a lover. Simply denying those needs across the board because you don't share them is not a fair thing to do or a reasonable thing to expect, and over time it absolutely will create feelings of alienation and resentment in your partner.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 June 2015):
 So DO something about it? Other then posting on DC?
I think it's great when people find issues they are passionate about and TRY to go out and change the world or the view.
So go for it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): Thanks for the great responses and te article link . I do take issue to empty one who attempts to imply in other porn answers that any woman who takes issue with porn and expects her partner not to participate in an abusive pastime should be ok with giving up her right not to be raped !!!!! It's concerning to me that heavy porn use leads some men to the think women must have no rights or dignity ie accept porn or be raped .
Other than that it is very clear that some women and some men too.
Are concerned about the portrayal and abuse of women in porn.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace  +, writes (2 June 2015):
 I think you are spot on. If watchers don't agree with your statement, then how can they justify watching it? It is probably about desensitization and violence becoming "the norm". I remember a madame phoning into a local radio show after a woman had been killed by a neighbour who liked to watch strangulation porn. The madame was horrified by what men were asking her ladies to do and how at that point strangulation sex was becoming normal. At the end of the day, I really do not like porn. My husband was a complete arse when he watched it. I don't monitor what he does and he lied about using it when we first got together, so I had no qualms in asking him to stop because he got with me under false pretences. That is not controlling his sexuality; it's about ME being clear on what I will and won't accept in a partner. A porn watching man would not be for me.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (2 June 2015):
Porn can be addictive, just as -ANY- human behavior can become compulsive. You seem to insist that the porn itself is at fault.
Yours is the same logic that blames alcohol for drunks, and blames lotteries for gamblers going broke.
If you feel the need to exonerate the guilty as mere 'victims' of an evil industry, feel free. I am through wasting time and space leading you to water.
I would, however, respectfully suggest you try an keep your further axe grinding to one of the three threads you're already using. Continuing to make new threads to hash out the same topic is eating space on the first questions page that others would like to have so that their legitimate questions can get some attention.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (2 June 2015):
A snip from the other thread:
As a woman I reserve the right to control my own sexuality. I will not engage in sexual behavior I am not comfortable with. This includes expecting my partner to refrain from attempting to force the issue when I am not in the mood, not feeling good, tired, have a headache, worried about my mom, or just plain don't want to. This includes having the right to refuse positions, locations, or timing that are uncomfortable. I am in control of my own sexuality.
or
As a woman I reserve the right to control my partners sexuality. he will not engage in sexual forms of entertainment I do not approve in advance. He will not visit nude, topless, bikini, or similar clubs or bars. He will not watch porn. He will not use masturbation toys made to resemble any other woman's anatomy. He will not masturbate unassisted more often than I approve.
Pick one of the above statements, honey, because you cannot have both.
Truth of the matter is, there are plenty of men who do not enjoy porn. You are free to find one. You are not, however, free to change someone else. That was true when you met him, and if viewing pornography is a deal breaker for you, then you are with the wrong person.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (2 June 2015):
Wow you just can't give it up. Talk about selecting only the data that serves your agenda. You didn't come here to ask questions, you came here to grind your anti porn axe.
That's fine. Porn is evil and every woman acting in it is an abused slave. Men are horrible monsters, and we all ignore our wives to watch men beating up and raping women on screen.
Happy?
The "study" you refer to didn't look for "violence" it looked for "any act of aggression, degradation, or sexual behaviors". That's a quote directly from the study's abstract. Further reading of the study itself makes it clear that there is such a broad interpretation of "physical aggression" that I am really and truly surprised that the authors didn't claim to have found it in 100% of studied media. They include things as innocuous as a woman grabbing her own butt cheek in a slap fashion as "physical aggression", as is a man changing position, and physically moving his partner, even if he's not doing so aggressively.
And THIS is what you point to as 'violence against women'?
I would suggest that it is YOU who are degrading women. With all of the REAL abuse and violence happening out there, for you to equate this with real abuse and violence is insulting and belittling to so many actually abused women.
Look, as I said in the larger of the two other threads where you get on your anti porn soapbox, I've watched a lot of porn. If my interpretation of what I see isn't enough, then try this on for size:
http://www.secularhumanism.org/library/fi/mcelroy_17_4.html
You seem to be hung up on your man sexually neglecting you in favor of porn. I stand by my original assessment that if that is the case, it's not the porn that is the problem. It's a symptom, not the cause. Sure, removing his porn may impact the disease, but it won't cure it.
You have yet to answer the basic conundrum of controlling your partner's sexuality. If you get to determine when and how he masturbates, does he get to require you to perform on demand, even when you don't want to? If you get to control what entertainment he watches, does he get to control what positions and locales you play in? If you get to keep him from looking at other women, does he get to show you off to his buddies?.
If his porn watching is causing problems for you - was that always the case? Did you know he watched it when you married him? If his behavior has changed, that's an issue in him, and has little to do with the scapegoat he uses to gloss over his problem. If not, then what made you think you could just change him to suit your tastes?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): I find that there are categories and so have a choice of what we watch .
But I feel that its becoming more common that a lot of women are opening up that they actually like this sort of thing . when I was younger the thought of anything like that shocked me . But now as I have got older a lot of women have said they prefer things in this manor .
so seems to be more with the times really
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