A
female
age
51-59,
HappyPlace
writes:Just wanted to get my thoughts down. I was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago and thought I had beaten it. I've just found out that the cancer has spread to my brain and I have 2 tumours. I have just been offered gamma knife surgery to zap the tumours, but as it is metastatic there is no cure, just containment. But, I really feel at peace at the moment and am trying to come up with reasons why if anyone finds this at all helpful:1. When first diagnosed, I was angry, upset, not ready to die and so the whole treatment at that time was very traumatic. This time round I am more accepting of it.2. Make peace with people you have fallen out with (if you want to and if it plays on your mind). Otherwise let things go. 3. I had fallen out with my brother for over 10 years, but the olive branches have been exchanged and now there are no negative thougths there at all. Think you can't reach out to someone after 10 years - YES YOU CAN.4. Find gratitude in all that you have. A beautiful day, a roof over your head, an awesome partner, anything really. 5. Be kind - but always remember to speak your mind. If anything is troubling your mind, give it a voice and air your feelings - it's incredibly carthartic. For example, I have a friend who causes his own negativity and it is crystal clear to me now. He has lived in his house for over 4 years now and we went round the other day, to find he is living in a dirty, shit hole. While we were there, he kept saying "oh, I should tidy up, I am just sooooo tired at the moment". I never get time, blah, blah, blah! My partner and I had spent the day a while ago helping him clean, but he can't keep it up. I can no longer deal with his excuses; through his excuses he is creating his own dilemmas. I said to my partner, if he wants to live in a shit hole, then just do it and don't make excuses for it. The problem is, he has his son over every 2 weeks and his son doesn't deserve to be in an environment like that. 6. I have a friend who stopped using crystals for healing many years ago when someone took the micky out of her. She confided recently that this had struck a chord with her and she harboured resentment against this person for a number of years. Talk about giving your power away. This lady is also in turmoil. Why didn't she just carry on with what she wanted to do and forgive the person who took the micky - they clearly didn't realise the impact of what they had said.7. Be kind in your interactions with people, but again, always say what you mean and mean what you say.8. I'm lucky in that I know I am dying and I get to condense my life down a bit. I am marrying my partner in December 2012, so that's the big thing we are organising at the moment. We've had a payout through my pension, so I no longer have any debt - another important and key thing for a simple life - try not to get into debt, to the point where you could get stuck in a job you don't like because you have no choice to move - not good for you or your psyche!9. I came to this site years ago as I worried about my partner's porn use and this was a very real dilemma for me which had caused me much turmoil and soul searching. My partner has seen me battle this cancer over the last 2 years and we have a love that is totally amazing at the moment. He tells me everyday he loves me and how awesome I am. He cries quietly some time too and once when I was curled up next to him, his tears soaked the top of my head. But I do tell him we can't have tears all the time, we need to have some fun too. Dying has allowed me to express my feelings over porn with him. He doesn't watch it now and the security I craved and needed is with me. Had he not changed though, I figure I would have left him because this is an issue that caused me much concern. Never deliberately create a drama in your life. Much love and peace for now and hope this can help xx
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female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (19 November 2012):
HappyPlace is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you Spunky Monkey x
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