A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone Thanks for offering adviceI've been married for 10 years like everyone we've had a few ups and downs but the bottom line is we love each other very much and I'd say my hb is my best friend, again like many relationships our sex life has taken a natural ease over the years but we are still having sex once a week but I've noticed I'm no longer sexual attracted to my hb...when we make love he no longer turns me on.... I feel awful about it, we've spoken about it to some degree (I can't say to him by the way your turn me off) we've gone away for weekends away tried to change what we do and introduced sex toys but I'm sad to say my lust for him just isn't coming back,(it's been over 6 months now) I still want sex I have the feelings but find I get more turned on by myself...... So my question will my urge for him come back, I'm very happy in my relationship I don't want it to end, I won't cheat although I found other men very attractive... Am I bring fair to him? As he's not changed at all,..i never thought sex would be such an issue to Me.. But it is
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female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (23 October 2014):
 If anyone has seen the film "Saving Grace", there is a poignant moment in there, where Grace, having lost her husband, meets up with the woman she knew he had an affair with. When they talked of sex, Grace says "oh, did you find it was like flogging a dead horse" to which the other lady says "no, he was insatiable, we had sex everywhere" and on seeing Grace's face fall, she says "he said you just weren't interested". Grace replies "yes, yes I was, he just never bothered to find out", or words to that effect. Look, you love each other very much and he is your best friend - please work on that!
A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (22 October 2014):
I agree things need to be "shook up" however, I couldn't disagree more with some of the replies. An Uncle described sex in his old marriage as "dull as dishwater" - really?? I have never read such a hurtful remark in all my life. You know why sex is good with the new partner - because it is NEW and exciting and it is all down to nature and science. Give it another 30 years with that new partner and you might just be saying the same thing so understand the dynamics of relationships first. If you look at yourbrainonporn.com there is an experiment with a lab rat who after making out with one rat, could not longer perform. Put a new rat in there, and off he goes. Hormones play a part too and perhaps age is a factor. How about stopping sex for a while and maybe just try massaging each other, or touching each other but knowing that you can't have sex. Build up some anticipation. I thought the idea of meeting in a bar too was good. Please realise that if you meet someone else, the likelihood is this WILL happen again. Relationships have to be worked at.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 October 2014):
 I think Hugh of Avalon is spot on!
you love him but you are BORED...so you need to shake it up.
marriage is like a dance... after a while it's so familiar you can do it in your sleep. you need a new dance.
NOT a new partner.
Think about the butterflies in the stomach when a stranger wants you.. this is what you seek...
role playing would be fun..
I always like the "stranger in a bar" scenario.
You go to a bar in a hotel... dressed to the teeth... CFM shoes the whole deal....
sit at the bar... look sexy...
your hubby comes in (also dressed nicely)
and he tries to pick you up as if you were a stranger...
let him put the moves on you.
in preparation he has taken a room and had it prepared... YOU have no clue what room or what seduction he has in mind.
he then has to entice you to have wild random stranger sex WITH HIM....
shyly agree to go with him... let him seduce you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2014): He's not overweight far from it.... He's not changed at all.... It's strange its become like a brother/sister relationship ... The reason I sidnt want to say any thing to him cause he feels hurt when I lightly tackled the issue as he still fancies me, I guess I just need to be honest regardless of the fall out? We've tried making it more exciting but you can't changw you taste, your kiss your smell, the way you touch its all to familiar and boring if I'm honest .
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 October 2014):
 Are you being fair to him? What! You are exactly what millions of other wives have experienced. You've been fair for many years. As you both age, sex becom,es less and less relevant. Such is life! No worries, he probably has the same feelings.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (21 October 2014):
 I hate this. Women not coming forth with something out of fear of response. Tell him you dont find him sexually attractive. If hes a man and he should be he will keep any emotion from your honesty out. Is he overweight? What is turning you off? Talk to him.
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