A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my partner have regular and amazing sex, we experiment and I have sexy outfits aswell n rolplay......I found out afew months ago he watches porn, I hate the stuff and I've had a lot of bad relationships becuz of it.....he knows how I feeling and what it has dun to me. He lied to me about watching it many times and yet I've seen the proof and confront him and we end up in a argument and me shouting and in tears.....he ses I'm beautiful I don't need to change ect and that he will stop watchin it but days later I c it all agen and then we are back to were we began n coz he lied to my face about it all, I dunno wat to believe what cums out of his mouth....but if I fullfill his need y du he have the constant ned to lie and watch them whores ......I feeling infereor and my self confidence and esteem is low as it is as I sed my past relationships. It feels like I'm not good enuf for him....all I want to do is cry all the time. Oh and a woman also asked for sum male attention from him and he sed he was in a relationship...and he wuld talk have sex talk with her but nothing else. Y wuld he do that if he happy wit me
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confidence, porn, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, zevazoe31 +, writes (13 October 2014):
I'm in the same position as you my bf watched a lot of hard-core I didn't discover this until I was a few months into the relationship he used to go to the toilet with the kindle,he was gone around hour he was watching it in the loo,he use to say to me before I found out,I going to the loo and having some of my time, I made him destroy all the dvds and never allowed him to take phone or kindle up again,he also makes me very insecure when were both down town together because he looks at ever woman that walks,I'm not the prettiest woman on the planet I lost weight and changed the colour of my hair but it didn't seem to be enough I asked him to think about what he's doing to my confidence he said I will try hard not to look what for fs how hard is it so believe me I no were your coming from my insecurity is gone
A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (25 September 2014):
 Please, don't be encouraged to watch it - it won't help (IMHO). I believe and have some knowledge of the situation, that porn turns a lot of men into lousy lovers. The buzz you feel when watching it is a dopamine hit, like cocaine. So of course, I understand the allure. But I will reiterate, a lot of men struggle when watching porn - they see their partners as less attractive, they can suffer from porn induced ED. Go to yourbrainonporn.com and read some of the testimonies from men. There is a fantastic one on there from a guy who stopped porn, because he was suffering from ED, and his experience when he got together with a woman. Once porn was out of the equation and he focussed only on his partner - he had a MIND BLOWING EXPERIENCE. Give me unadulterated sex any time - it sure beats the fantasy world. Just saying.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 September 2014):
 I never will understand how women take it so personally when a guy looks at porn. Te is no 'substitution at play, Men aren't wishing they were with that girls or woman. It's a whole lot mor complexthan that. Get over yourself, he doen't love you any less.
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A
female
reader, auntieJ +, writes (24 September 2014):
 Not understanding something or having never done/watched or taken part is something is normally where a dislike or fear for something comes from that was the point I was trying to convey.[mod note: this aunt and HappyPlace are welcome to take their disagreement to the private messaging system. Thank you.]
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (24 September 2014):
I am afraid I "don't know it all" Aunty J, that is MY opinion. .You said "I honestly don't see why females have such a bad out look on porn & 99% of the time it's because they have never watched it them selves". Where did you get the figure of 99%? Unless you can send me a link backing up your statistics, I of course will question it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have watched porn many times and it does nothing for me. I c it as if he has picks and vids of me y dus he have the need to watch another woman to get himself off. As much as i hate porn i wuld prefer truth insted of bare face lying to me.
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A
female
reader, auntieJ +, writes (23 September 2014):
Ok then I guess you know it all then "happy place"
It's very true most people are fearful/doubtful & against
porn because they've never sat down & actually watched it.
As long as someone is not watching porn non stop 24/7 & it's effecting their out look on life/relationships/woman & it's not unhealthy(children or animals) then honestly what is the problem?
Some people need a visual when masturbating & just because someone masturbates doesn't mean that they aren't unfulfilled/that they aren't attracted to their partner or that they don't love you.
I personally would be more worried about him being willing to give sex chat to other woman that's over stepping the mark & rather inappropriate because that's something intimate that he should only be doing with you.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (23 September 2014):
I am not sure where Auntie J gets her figure of ""I honestly don't see why females have such a bad out look on porn and 99% of the time it's because they have never watched it them selves"". NOT TRUE so please do not bandy around mis information please. I have watched it and because I have watched it, I guess that gives me carte blanche to write something here. I am with you on this. I've seen before on DC about men lying because of porn, and I've said before I hate lying just as much as porn so in my book it is a bad thing. I do not want a man who looks at porn. I am a feminist and there is no place in my life for porn. My husband used to watch it but I have told him NO PORN - he has spent years trying to cope with the after effects of it (objectifying women, ED etc). He looked at yourbrainonporn.com and it all made absolute sense to him. Porn CAN BE VERY HARMFUL TO CERTAIN MEN and as you are quite young, your man will have a never ending access to a stream of women (much different to the old days when they were lucky to obtain a copy of their Mum's lingerie catalogue) and this is potentially extremely harmful. I am afraid if he is not willing to give it up, then you must leave him. Your mind and sense of self will be greatly improved and you can leave him with his pc and kleenex. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, auntieJ +, writes (23 September 2014):
I honestly don't see why females have such a bad out look on porn & 99% of the time it's because they have never watched it them selves. I watch porn it's a normal part of modern life.
Why would it make you feel bad? It's someone you will never know/meet/interact with so why would you get upset about it?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2014): You two have different needs! He also lied
It's time to move on to a guy who either doesn't need porn or doesn't need to lie
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (23 September 2014):
 So... YOU would prefer that he not partake of porn... and HE tells you that he doesn't (partake)..... BUT, you KNOW that he does.....
How much more information do you need in order to understand that you and he are not "on the same page".... AND that you and he should go your separate ways??????
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (22 September 2014):
Because he'san idiot, short and sweet but true. Find a new bf, this on is a dud.
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