Like what
she writes?
... Add *abomi to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *abomi a private message | | | *abomi's profile:i m an european expat living in asia and the dating scene here is not the most romantic, stable or sensible around ...
i ve been the moderator of the love and dating section of a local expat forum for 2 years, as for expertise
on a personal level, life has not been always easy, relationships included ...
being a bit too much sensitive for my own good, i always try now to go for a hands down approach : dedramatize, analyze situations, sort the real from the feelings, favour communication, undertake practical steps when it can be done
i hope i can be of some help |
|
My wife is a very attractive woman but I can't stand her!
Q. Hello, I have been married for 4 years. We have two boys, one is 4 and the other is 2. My wife and I have fallen apart, we literally sit at the dinner table and all you can hear is the silverware hitting the plates, anyways my real problem is that I ...
A. 8 November 2008: it sounds like a very complex emotional situation that goes beyond relationship advice, you should sort things out with a professional therapist
i m also a bit worried you re not mentioning your kids well-being in case of a separati... (read in full...)
Earlier today he asked me if him and one of his friends could..."play" with me
Q. My boyfriend asked me to dress in something sexy before we..."play".....but other then langerie what else is there? Earlier today he asked me if him and one of his friends could..."play" with me....um..what do I say? I wouldnt really mind it... but ...
A. 8 November 2008: refuse
assess his past and current behavior: if you feel, even remotely, he has no interest for you other than sex, and does not show you the respect and consideration you deserve ... ditch him... (read in full...)
How can someone change their outlook on life so quickly...?
Q. 9 months ago my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me. We lived together for the 2nd half of our relationship. While we were together he told me that marriage scared him; he would need to know someone for a very long time (and live with ...
A. 8 November 2008: it always sucks when this happens, you ve been the one laying the ground for him to straighten himself emotionnally and finally accept to take it to a next level, but not with you
he seemed to have learnt something from your relationship, you ve t... (read in full...)
Should I stay and possibly make him lose custody or should I walk out?
Q. so its a long story and this may be a long question but here it goes.... i got married to a man who is 33 years old. im 17 mind you. and our marriage is great. we get along very well and are very in love so please dont comment on the age gap and ...
A. 7 November 2008: considering you re 17y old, i can understand how tormented you must be and think about this kind of self-sacrifice
but you re not responsible for any of this
you should not forget that this is a thing going on between your husband and his ... (read in full...)
Should I tolerate his abusive behaviour?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months and we live together. For the first few months, everything was so perfect, and we still have a very close, intimate relationship, which is everything I have ever wanted. Very early on, my boyfriend told me ...
A. 7 November 2008: yes, it s personal anger management issue he has and it s not something you can fix don t let things go downhill and start a dynamics of anger and apologies that will mean less and less every time, better test him now get some info about ... (read in full...)
A love affair, a fairytale that ended badly.
Q. ok, this is a long story so thanks in advance for reading. about a year ago i bumped into an old friend who i hadn't seen in years, through common friends. Soon after we all started hanging out and at some point she admitted having problems...
A. 7 November 2008: it looks like she can t decide which one to choose and she is shutting both of you out, she wants to be alone to sort things out
she s been with him most of her adult life, so she has to learn a new step in her own personal development : how to a... (read in full...)
He doesn't want a serious relationship but refuses to take his apartment key back from me. Very confused and hurt...
Q. I started to date an old classmate. I will call him Mark (fake name), that I use to date in high school. We met up and started dating for almost 3mths. We both wanted a friends only deal in the beginning since we were both out of hurtful ...
A. 3 November 2008: give him time and support instead of clinging to this key issue, refusing to see the truth
obviously, he went through 2 very tough life situations, loss of children, loss of a marriage in the most hurting way for him, u ve to accept these things t... (read in full...)
I feel like he thinks every other girl out there is sexier than me, even though he says I'm the sexiest.
Q. I am a mother of 2 children. My son is 5 and my daughter I just had almost 4 months ago. I am a little over weight and I have stretch marks everwhere. My boobs sag and I have a nasty stomach. My boyfriend says I'm sexy but I don't believe him. He s...
A. 3 November 2008: u re screwing urself up on self esteen issues
ok, ur body is not perfect, but he does not care, the affection and love and attraction he has for you is more than that, you re the woman he loves, you re for sure the sexiest thing he knows he wants... (read in full...)
What do we do about his gf? She doesn't seem to want us around!
Q. For many yrs me and my Husband (together with other people) have performed in this Chamber music group. We recently moved across the country. It just so happens that one of the other musicans that we are also good friends with lives in this town. ...
A. 3 November 2008: so, you ve been many times in double dates and she leaves in the middle "to go sleep in the car", and everybody pretends it s fine and never confronts her?
you re feeling something negative coming from her?
but you keep seeing each other?
... (read in full...)
Married man broke it off with me! I'm heartbroken-should I contact him?
Q. I know this is a long post, but I am desperately searching for some advice. I started dating a guy back in March. I had known him for about 5 years, and also knew that he was married. He had flirted with me before, but I always kept my distance...
A. 3 November 2008: so, he s under the influence of a very high tempered woman, who comes and goes ...
first, what he feels for you ? was it real?
second, what is the level of involvement between the 2, is there money, a house, kids, that ties them together an... (read in full...)
My boyfriend took me to a swinger's club !!!
Q. My boyfriend and I went to a swingers club and he wanted to join a couples room of course not knowing what it was I said yes the woman opened the door and there was like six couple having sex or just oral sex. I told him I couldnt do this and he ...
A. 2 November 2008: He didn't tell you before? Either he's totally insensitive or very clumsy. If he's totally insensitive, you've no reason to stay with him, whatever his sexual fantasies.... (read in full...)
Are we just too different to make this work?
Q. I'm hoping someone can shed some light on some feelings I'm having lately as well as what my girlfriend might be thinking and/or feeling. I fear this will be a long read but hopefully I can keep it reasonable. I've been living with my girlfrie...
A. 1 November 2008: well, the thing that bothers her is that you re sharing the tastes of a teenager
basically you re showing "i haven t changed since i was 15, it has been 15 years, half of my life, i made these choices when i was a young, immature brat, and i ha... (read in full...)
When he is sober he is fine and he loves me. He gets drunk(alot) then he hates me. I can't stand this anymore !
Q. Ok, I am not happy in my relationship. My husband is a drunk. Binge drinker to be exact. He may go 4-5 days sober, and that's if im extremely lucky. Then a week or more streight drinking. He's been drunk by noon at times. Sometimes 4, sometimes ...
A. 1 November 2008: he s not responsible to admit how hurtful he is when he s drunk it s not a good sign you and he must start from there... (read in full...)
After a year he's suddenly stopped paying attention to me, why?
Q. My boyfriend and I been together for almost a year, everything was going great, now all of a sudden he can't pay attention to me. He calls me or sees me once a week, when I call him he talks for a while then says he'll call me back and doesn't for ...
A. 18 October 2008: he says it but he does not act like it ... and he has never taken you out and stuff like that
i don t know if it s his personality (he loves you for real but don t express it) or the fact that you re not the one for him
but it s not good enoug... (read in full...)
Why doesn't anyone want to be with me?
Q. I am 23 years old and I have never had a boyfriend, I have never had sex, I've never even had oral sex and this is not because I don't want to... it's because no one has ever tried. See, I think the problem is I am 23 but I look like I'm 16... I'm ...
A. 18 October 2008: sorry to say, but you must be sending wrong signals all over the place, i can t tell you which signals or why they re wrong, because i don t know you
but i recommend you to assess (from an outside perspective) your image : how you look, what you... (read in full...)
Should I tell my parents about being sexually abused when I was younger?
Q. I was sexually abused when I was younger (I think between 5 and 8). I think it stopped when I was 8 because we moved to a differnt county. Anyway, I'm 17 now and I know I need some help. Ii never told anyone, I hate thinking about it and I don't ...
A. 18 October 2008: you can t stay alone with this, it s getting too heavy, you ve to talk now, don t be scared
your parents love you and they will always do, they just want you to be happy, they want to help and protect you, that s why they will maybe show signs of... (read in full...)
Best mate's father... and me!
Q. I don't know what I should do as I'm in an awkward postion here.. I am actually in love wih my best friend's father, and I know he feels the exact same way. We always talk to each other about our feelings but how we can't do much being around my ...
A. 18 October 2008: compare him to somebody his age you have consideration for : your parents, a teacher, some adult in your family, ...
you would learn this person is "in love" with a 15y old teenager like you, but not you, how would you feel? would you judge it... (read in full...)
His wife is in denial about the divorce and keeps harassing me online.
Q. I have been with my wonderful fiance' for nearly a year and we planned to get married by the end of next year. However, his ex found out about him getting married by hacking into his email account and she went livid. (She is really obsessed with ...
A. 18 October 2008: first, she s his EX wife, you re his partner now, not her, don t forget that
second, u don t live in the same country? that is good news!
don t give up to her emotional threats and invasion, have a talk with your fiance to see what can be done... (read in full...)
I want to be his first but I'm terrified I'll lose him if I have sex with him!
Q. There's a guy on my school's football team and his body is close to perfect and he is absolutely gorgeous!!! I've liked him for a while (I've had band with him for 2 years, I see him everyday) He's 17 and I'm about 2-3 years younger than him. A lot ...
A. 18 October 2008: he wants the thrill of being the first, he wants your body, he does not want you, look at how fast he s making practical plans, no emotions or tenderness there,
even if he treats you (now) better than his f*** buddies, he won t treat you well eno... (read in full...)
I found hid old love letters to his ex, and now I wonder about our relationship.
Q. At the risk of being a total cliche, yes, I found the proverbial "box of love letters, poems, and cards" my boyfriend of 3 years wrote to his ex-wife during their courtship ten years ago. I don't have a problem with him having a past and holding ...
A. 17 October 2008: Your boyfriend was passionately in love with his ex to the point he made her all these declarations, it didn t work He was hurt so bad, he just remembers the bad times and angry feelings, he can't say "you are the love of my life again" because t... (read in full...)
I love someone else, but when I see my ex all the old feelings come back.
Q. Hi everybody well I need some of your opinion. Well I was engage for 16yrs, and he never ask me 2 marry him. I am the one who always asked him 'when are we going 2 get married' and his answer always is 'someday'. Well we had some problems like 7 ...
A. 17 October 2008: leave your ex behind it has been years he has not treated you well, and you ve stayed, so he must find his way with words to convince you, but don t believe him again, it has been 16 years, he won t change now he s just promising marriage and t... (read in full...)
How do I get my BF to enjoy oral sex?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years whom i hope to marry. For the first 6 months of our relationship he gave me oral sex. Since then it has been an uphill battle. How can i get him to enjoy giving me oral sex? Yes i am healthy down there, a...
A. 15 October 2008: why u WANT this kind of intimacy? is the rest unsatisfactory? or u re looking for a proof of something else, desire, love, whatever? or because u judge it s so common u can t imagine somebody not having it and being loved?
because if u insist t... (read in full...)
He asked for my number twice but never calls, don't know why..what do you think?
Q. Dear Cupid, i have met this guy online, he sent me a friend request i accepted and we began talking this has been going on for the pass two months, during this time we found out we had basically almost everything in common, we love the same music my ...
A. 15 October 2008: the only thing you ve to know is that the guy does not deliver, that s the only crucial point
it seems u ve things in common but it s only on the internet where it is so easy to fake who you are
he s going through the motions, true, but he doe... (read in full...)
Five years ago I got drunk, and naked, friends took pictures, and made me famous around town, I am humilated, should I get over it?
Q. I recently posted about a situation where 5 years ago i got drunk and naked and everyone took photos of me and passed it round my home town and they still haunt me today-everyone that i meet gets shown them and while i didn't want it to (i really ...
A. 15 October 2008: anonymous
we ALL have a moment of our life where we ve made fools of ourselves, ALL of us, and the memory of it is still itching
don t see urself alone in there, mistakes like this are part of everyone s past, especially when a teenager
... (read in full...)
After falling in love with him I find out he's married!
Q. It's complicated. I met this guy in my new office and in a month we committed to have a relationship. We're from a different race and religion, in our family culture it's not common to have relationship indifferent race and religion. (There...
A. 13 October 2008: You don't have to forgive him, why would you? He lied, cheated and used you! He was with you like in a fantasy, to forget a marriage he did not want, unable to live with reality. He's not real and he's not a good person, cut him off your life. ... (read in full...)
How do I make sure I don't scare this guy off?
Q. I'm feeling tired of my marriage after 16 years. My husband and I are sleeping in separate rooms - I can't stand him touching me. We do not quarrel/argue that much - in fact, we hardly communicate. Right now, I have a crush on my young hairstyl...
A. 13 October 2008: for a great deal of chinese men,
- age is very important, relationships are made for marriage, marriage is made to build a family ...
- parents must approve of the relationship and the partner
- they can be married or in a committed relati... (read in full...)
Should I say goodbye to my emotionally abusive ex once and for all?
Q. I broke up with my emotionally abusive ex fiance a year ago. Then we started talking a few days ago because i called him. he said he still loves me and wants to give it another shot. i felt the same way, but i can't seem to forget about the past. ...
A. 13 October 2008: if he does not want to talk about his abusive past, he s not assuming it, so the issue is NOT solved in him
don t go near him, and don t think stuff like "i guess i just wish we had no ugly past", don t lose yourself on wishes like this, it s not... (read in full...)
I have tried to talk about sex but all he does is take is as a joke and go to sleep?
Q. I have been married for 11 years and have 2 kids. My husband and i have had sex 2 times this year and I am very scared of rejection so i guess it is sort of my fault but i have tried and all he does is take it as a joke and go to sleep. I am only ...
A. 13 October 2008: start a seduction campaign, sex is not an intellectual activity, it s a physical one, so not much of a point to talk about it, action works better!
try to put a bit of sensuality into your life, just by paying attention to your physical feelings... (read in full...)
What should I do to clear my head of this obnoxious secret she kept for a year?
Q. My girlfiend told me that she had slept with another guy in the past. According to her, she swore that nothing happened between them. Is it hard to believe that, even with the circumstances that were given. Ever since she told me I've been confused ...
A. 13 October 2008: - take people as they are and not as you think they are
- relativize the whole drama, u don t have to judge ur friend s decisions
it s not your story, it s not your life, don t be so involved in another people s stories, let it go
you re h... (read in full...)
Is he cheating or falling out of love with me, or am I just paranoid?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend/fiance for over 2 years. We have a 16 month-old together. For a while now he has been changing a lot towards me and I think he is either cheating on me or falling out of love with me. It is too the point to where he ...
A. 13 October 2008: even with a baby at charge, u re both so young ... and need to find yourselves, it s natural
that s what he seems doing right now and i don t think u should try to prevent him from doing so, it just wouldn t work
that there s or not another g... (read in full...)
Our relationship is not the same as it was when we started. How do I bring back the spark?
Q. Why is it so hurt so when you fall inlove with some one. I just wish my boyfriend knows how much i love him, care about him. I miss the old time we had, the fun etc..... now it is not the same and everytimes i think about it, it makes me cry and ...
A. 13 October 2008: u want to get the spark and the fun back in your relationship? be organized, start with yourself
u never know what s going to happen in life, but one thing is sure: if you are negative and scared, you ll never notice the good things
love mu... (read in full...)
His mixed signals confuse me! Am I imagining that he's reconsidering his choice to break up with me?
Q. Hi, My ex of 1.5 years and I broke up nearly two months ago. We had a very good, loving relationship, but a problem loomed as we are both approaching transitions in our careers that might take us to different places (we work for the same, very l...
A. 12 October 2008: he looks very much like he's still into you all his signals are saying : she s not important to me, you are, i think of us, and by character, he does not like to talk about sensitive issues? he s trying very hard to get back with you his wa... (read in full...)
Why is the media plagued with breast implants, when most men like natural big breasts better?
Q. Something puzzles me... about the media and stuff. Big breasts are almost everywhere, as far as media is concerned. Ok. But the majority of thos big breasts are FAKE. Why? Most men I know prefer natural breasts. Whether they like small or big b...
A. 12 October 2008: advertisement is not about giving people what they want
it s about attracting their attention
and as you said it, big breasts are eye catching
ads industry wants to take you off balance and be surprised/attracted, even superficially, b... (read in full...)
He tells me I am chubby! Do you know how I can deal with my weight issues?
Q. Hi, I need some help here dealing with a couple of things or an extra point of view. CONTEXT I used to have a very nice body (waist 24in/62cm)but a couple of years ago I decided to quit my job and start a business with my partner. So now I 'm wor...
A. 12 October 2008: u ve a combo of reasons for both of you to get depressed
u should tell ur boyfriend how bad these remarks make you feel, and ask him if this aggressivity has something to do with your current business situation, try to see where his resentme... (read in full...)
What does it mean when someone says they need to get their thoughts straight. Do they really mean it's over?
Q. This may be a stupid question but when someone asks to give them some time to get their thoughts straight because there is too much emotional involvement and they cant handle it. Does it means good bye?...
A. 12 October 2008: that s how you should take it, for your own good
we re talking about people who are backing off because they feel it s too much for them, for whatever reason, so, why should they come back to the same situation afterwards?
unless you re... (read in full...)
Five years ago I got drunk, and naked, friends took pictures, and made me famous around town, I am humilated, should I get over it?
Q. I recently posted about a situation where 5 years ago i got drunk and naked and everyone took photos of me and passed it round my home town and they still haunt me today-everyone that i meet gets shown them and while i didn't want it to (i really ...
A. 12 October 2008: first, these guys are not your friends, don t call them that, from now on and forever, keep them at distance but don t let them know
it must be kind of a group thing i assume, with initiators, who never miss a chance to show the pictures and the ... (read in full...)
My ex and I want to try reconciliation, but he is not sure, should I move on or what?
Q. I would like to reconcile with my ex husband. I filed for the divorce and now after 15 months, I want him back. I know he starting seeing another woman about 3 months ago...he says they are very good friends, but they are not yet intimate. I am...
A. 12 October 2008: good advice above
and also, don t wait too long before you make your move
don t give him time to get attached or serious with this another woman, or he ll be torn between two sides, which will make it more difficult for all of you... (read in full...)
We had oral sex a few times, suddenly he wants to cook for me! Is he trying to charm his way into my bed?
Q. Me and this guy met a couple months ago at my friend's house and we hooked up. We met that one time and then recently, about a month ago we met again at that same friend's house. Well what do you know, we hooked up (as in, had oral sex) again. We ...
A. 11 October 2008: he s trying to charm his way into your bed, that s for sure
at which level, well, does it really matter now?
- he just wants to casually hook up? enjoy the meal and have a good night
- he wants more? u still have the right to say yes or no
... (read in full...)
Should I break up over long distance?
Q. My Question is: Should I break up with someone because of long distance? I've been seeing a guy for nearly a year now, but we're long distance. At first it wasn't so bad because we were between cities, but now it's across continents. I ha...
A. 11 October 2008: LDR can work if both people are emotionnally stable and able to manage themselves without relying on their partner you seem to have a fusional relationship with your boyfriend, it sounds like you ve found a very special person for you, but you... (read in full...)
Is there no chance we'll get back together?
Q. I've been in a relationship for two years, on two occasions the guy I'm with (or was with) has contacted an ex when things have been rough between us and then he doesn't disclose this information, until way later. Last week we were having problems ...
A. 11 October 2008: old saying : "when a door is closed, a dress is unzipped"
good chances are he just goes to his ex to feel better about himself
but to be sure, give a good assessment to your relationship, is there anything that could suggest he had some involve... (read in full...)
| *abomi's friends
These are mutual friends, so *abomi has
added them and they have added *abomi!
|
