A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my emotionally abusive ex fiance a year ago. Then we started talking a few days ago because i called him. he said he still loves me and wants to give it another shot. i felt the same way, but i can't seem to forget about the past. and whenever i want to talk about things, he won't let me or changes the subject saying we should only think about present things or the future, only good things. Today i told him that i told my mom i had called him and that she was upset because she knew how upset he made me. he said that he told his dad things about me that he didn't like. then i asked him why he won't tell me when he met the girl he is not seriously dating and that i had the right to know. he said that i didn't have the right to know because we aren't even dating. then he lost service and we got disconnected. he tried calling back twice but i didn't answer. i have been crying my eyes out, and feel stupid that i ever contacted him and that i thought he might actually change. i guess i just wish we had no ugly past, then he wouldn't get mad that i'm not excited to talk about happy things all the time now. doesn't he get that he broke me? he said he hopes that i'm still the person he loved at the beginning-funny, fun to be around, etc. but since he was so abusive, i can't just be those things again so easily with him. Should i just say goodbye once and for all?
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female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (13 October 2008):
 I'm sure it was you that asked this yesterday. And I expect people will still say the same thing. If you're still angry with him, and the original problem hasn't been resolved, its not going to work. I dont get why you haven't found someone that will treat you right. This guy sounds like he thinks he's perfect and all the bad feeling in the past was down to you, and he doesn't see why you cant be happy and jolly all the time (even though apparently he was abusive)? Very strange..C xxxxx
A
female
reader, babomi  +, writes (13 October 2008):
 if he does not want to talk about his abusive past, he s not assuming it, so the issue is NOT solved in him
don t go near him, and don t think stuff like "i guess i just wish we had no ugly past", don t lose yourself on wishes like this, it s not true and it won t happen
get more confidence, try to gain ur self respect back without relying on him, either to get in touch with him, receiving his apologies or whatever
what happened is finished, it hurt, it s still hurting, but it s over, now, u ve the rest of your life to be happy in a better situation with a better person, just think about that
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A
female
reader, xxsecretsxx +, writes (13 October 2008):
 this relationship is a classic among the return failed relationships.
It might have been good in the beginning because your warming up to each other and getting to know eachother better. But over time that can turn a relationship sour, sadly this is after you become attached to the person.
If he makes you depressed and upset you need to move on because it can be dangerous to you.
There are plently of other guys out there that will respect and care for you in a manner that doesn't have the emotional or physically damaging effects.
You need to cut off from him and move on. Calling him just hurt you worse than before and i understand you miss the relationship and the good times, but you can find that with another man that won't hurt you.
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