A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so its a long story and this may be a long question but here it goes....i got married to a man who is 33 years old. im 17 mind you. and our marriage is great. we get along very well and are very in love so please dont comment on the age gap and how it may affect our relationship directly. anyways, he has two children (one who is 12 and the other is 8.. both girls). these children love me to death but about 2 and a half months ago the older one went to her moms house and would not come home. her mom allows her to do whatever she wants whenever she wants and so she naturally would rather live at her house than with my husband and i who dissapline her and have boundaries and rules she has to follow. my husband has custody of this child. her mom convinced her that if she said she said some things about me she would be able to live with her, so the child told the police that she did not want to come back to our house because she didnt agree with the age gap between her father and i and that i abuse her and walk around our house naked.... these are all untrue statements. i have never abused her in any way or walked around naked in front of her and my husband and i both sat down with her when we first got together and made sure she was alright with the age gap, which she said she was and has showed that it does not bother her at all. i mean this kid loves me... she just doesnt like the rules of our house, so she has decided that she will say these things, and many others so that she can reside with her mother. well anyways, we took her mom to court saying she is with holding the child from us and she in return took my husband and me to court saying that she wants to change the parenting plan so that she can have custody of the child and based on the alligations both her and the child have made against me we now only get to see the kid every other weekend and that i cannot be with with the kid unsupervised untill after the gardian ad lidam comes and evaluates whats really happening at which time we can get custody back..... i feel like my husband may loose custody of his child because of me. he says that if they werent able to use me against him they would find something else... and that may be true, but i feel responsible for this in a way. now if that isnt bad enough, his ex wife called tonight saying that she doesnt feel comfortable with his other child being here either because she says that the kid is saying that i tell her shes a baby and that she feels like she cant tell her dad or i anything without being called a baby, and also that i make fun of her moms last name... which is not true either... this kid is the most amazing child in the universe, i mean both are but this child for being only 8 is so smart, shes always happy, and so amazing... she too loves me. everytime she comes to visit her dad and i she gives me a picture she has drawn for me of our family or a picture she drew me that says i love you ------.... so i just dont know where any of this is coming from.well my husband and i have decided its just her mom trying to get full custody of the child so she can move out of the country to be with her new husband, but either way, that doesnt matter.the point im getting at is that i feel as if i am causing all this commotion, whether i have done anything wrong or not both mothers of his children are using me to get custody of their kids, and it sucks to feel that maybe if i wasnt here than this wouldnt happen.i dont know what to do because i love my new family and i love my husband more than anything. i dont want to leave him but also feel i have no choice because if he looses this battle and the moms get custody i am going to feel horrible and forever will think that this is all my fault. i just want to know what i should do. should i abandon my new family and make my husbands chances of keeping custody of his older child and not loosing custody of his younger child better, or should i stay and risk him loosing his kids.with the oldest child it wouldnt be so bad for her to live with her mom but her mom is a horrible mother which is why my husband obtained custody to begin with. as he said he would let the child go but knows that if she is living with her mother than she will have basically not much chance at life.and the younger one he only gets to see 4 days a month as it is so he doesnt want to loose that. we both love his girls to a million tiny little pieces.and i love my husband enough to know that maybe it is better for him regarding his children if i just walk out but then again, he loves me enough to tell me i shouldnt and that he would risk all this to be with me. well its hard to explain and there is so much more to the story than this... like a million times more, but it would take about 248205723 million pages to explain... so i just want some advice as to what i should do.i am sorry that this is so long. i just couldnt find a way to give you some of the important details without it being so long.thank you for any advice you could give.------
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female
reader, babomi  +, writes (7 November 2008):
 considering you re 17y old, i can understand how tormented you must be and think about this kind of self-sacrifice
but you re not responsible for any of this
you should not forget that this is a thing going on between your husband and his ex-wife, you re just a small part of the story
and sorry to say, same for the kids: i m sure u love and care for them, it s good of you to do so, but they re not your kids
you ve to take distance emotionally and calm down, accept it does not concern you directly
but stay with your husband, he will need your support and love
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