A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's a guy on my school's football team and his body is close to perfect and he is absolutely gorgeous!!! I've liked him for a while (I've had band with him for 2 years, I see him everyday) He's 17 and I'm about 2-3 years younger than him. A lot of people say he wants to f*** and that's it, so it's easy to understand why he picked me because for a 14 year old, I'm shaped like an adult woman when it comes to my hips, thighs, and ass which I luv but it leads people to think that I f*** all the time when I'm really a virgin. Still, I've seen the way he treats and talks to his f*** buddies and he doesn't treat me anything like them. He stays with me after school when he has practice and we talk on the phone a lot and I'm really falling for him and think he could be the one. The problem is, a week or so ago, he asked if I would let him be my first and I said yes, but I didn't know he meant right now! All of sudden, he started making plans for us to be alone! He wanted me to sign out of school so he could come to my house, but I stayed at school. Then, he wanted me to go to our school's football game 2 hours early so we could f*** before he had to go back to practice. I had to make up an excuse for why I couldn't go. Don't get me wrong, I really want him to be my first, but I'm scared to lose my virginity right now. I don't know how to tell him that I'm not ready just yet. He has said both times that he was mad that I didn't follow through with the plan, but I just can't. I feel like if I don't let him f***, I'll lose him and maybe I should just let him and get it over with. I'm scared if I tell him this, he won't want to talk to me anymore. How do I tell him that I know for a fact that I want him to be my first but I'm not so sure I'm ready right now without losing him? (oh yeah, he graduates at the end of this year, too) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): I'm the guy who said WHAT to say below. Hope this gets to you before your birthday (Nov 1 or 3rd). Please REHEARSE this with your female friend (you said she posted as well) as practice does help. The key message that all of the people have said is 'Look (insert name) I love you so much and I do want to f--- you but I'm uncomfortable and also very scared. I want our first time to be special, and romantic and something I want to fondly remember for the rest of our lives and I'm just not there yet, please can we turn the pressure cooker off this and wait, I absolutely promise to make it up to you when the time is right, do you love me enough to do that?' take your TIME in saying the above, include pauses and DO NOT let him interrupt (place a finger over his mouth and ask him to close his eyes as you are scared). Also as I said before do this in daylight (not when he's horny and handsy) in a public setting. He will then whine and complain and say don't you love me and blah blah. The key thing is let him TALK show that you listen and say 'Yes I love you so much, BUT if you loved me you would not ask me to have sex with you when I feel so scared would you baby?'. Please do not say this until he has ranted for 3-5 mins (again rehearse). if he breaks up with you - you have to ACCEPT that he's not a great guy (every aunt has said this) and LET HIM GO. This will HURT but in every negotiation you have to be willing to walk away. When he asks but when can we f--- say 'name - when two things happen - 1 you are the best BF in the world and when I'm not scared and when the mood is right - honey I can't put a timeline on this I just can't BUT I will tell you if you're getting closer BUT AGAIN I'm not going to be pressured'. FINALLY if you cave then cave but there are consequences and please be SAFE. Good luck and god bless. As your birthday is so close I suggest you have the chat soon - I'll check in if you need an urgent update. Again best god bless (and WAIT to do it!)
A
female
reader, jaime90  +, writes (22 October 2008):
 He does not want this to be special. you have to think about what his intentions are. he gets mad when you dont meet him to have sex? thats how you know he is not serious. he does just want to f*** you. he is not interested in a relationship trust me i have been there and learnt from it. i know exactly how to tell if a guy is genuine, he WILL WAIT. your scared and thinking you have to have sex with him? dont do it honey. your too young. i have made mistakes when i was yound and now years later i wish i could take them back and wait till i truly knew the person. i know i have made mistakes but through learning i hope to help girls realise they will regret it if its not exactly what they want. your very young and i doubt he is "the one". 18 year old boys do not want a relationship they want to f*** around. guys act like they want to be your boyfriend until they get what they want from you, then they will stop talking to you all together. save yourself the pain and your virginity and leave him alone! No one will respect you if you do this. think about the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): lol... I guess I bought into the stereotype that all teenagers are dumb, and the confusion with your friend and your other post didn't help. We do get a lot of fake post honeypie, and it's not fair to others, but as you have eloquently pointed out, it's not the case in your situation. You are young, but you are not dumb.
The thing is when you are young, lots of boys will want to have sex with you, especially if you have a mature woman's developed body. I was fully grown at 10, and many men wanted to have sex with me, but that's all they wanted. Yes they would try to tell me all types of pretty things, just to get some sex. Then there were other girls who boasted about loosing their virginity's and how fun it was. But they later confided to me they felt used and cheap. I didn't want to experience that, and I don't want any young girl to experience that. My motto has always been that LOVE can wait. If a guy likes you and respects you then he will wait until your older.
There is many good reasons why it's not good to have sex so young. Firstly although your body may be developed, your emotions are not. Sex can be very funny, it's a very intimate thing and can make you feel very close to a man. If he doesn't feel the same way, or treats you with disrespect it can be devastating for you, and make you nervous about sex. Secondly there is always the risk of pregnancy and sexual diseases but CONDOMS should put minimize the risk. If you do decide to have sex, you must use a condom it is the only way to make sure you are safe. Thirdly, as somebody kindly mentioned below, you fancy this guy and you think you want to have sex with him, but as we grow older we fancy all types of people. It's nice to have sex when you are loved and you are in love. You will remember loosing your virginity and think of the moment as special. Having sex with some guy you fancy and can't remember isn't really very nice. If you feel horny, there are other things you can do. If everyone had sex when they were horny, then nobody would get anything done.
Having sex at a young age can increase the risk of cervical cancer in later life. It's also not as easy to get advice and access to doctor's. Grown women who have sex must take a cervical smear test every two/three years. Young boys also talk, and there is also your reputation to think about. I want boys to be with you because they think your a nice person, not because they think you like sex a lot.
But I'm old, and I have old fashioned ideas. You are young, your world may be different. First time sex is often not fun for young girls. There may be pain, there may be blood and often you get little pleasure out of it. Strong warnings I know. Not to frighten you, but to tell you that this is how many women feel after their first time. Being in love with someone, wanting to spend the rest of your life with them, makes things different, it just helps you to relax more.
Finally, there is the illegality problem, again this makes things more difficult and there may be consequences if adults find out.
You must NEVER, EVER feel like you need to have sex with a man to keep him. That will make you feel insecure. If he loves you then he will wait. If he leaves you, well stuff him, he was no good anyway. He must want to be with you because your a nice person, your good to talk to, he likes you, not just simply because he wants to put his penis inside of you and have sex. You only get one virginity babes, you only get one chance to loose it to a man. Make it memorable, wait until your in love with the right guy. Many girls regret their first time, especially when it means little, and they meet somebody else and fall in love properly.
Here's a link that might help you make your decision. Please read it.... Good luck, blessings. Make your first time beautiful and memorable for you, that is what I would wish for every woman in the world. Take care of you always. Blessings.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/am-i-really-ready-for-sex--.html
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): Ok, i'm the writer of this question and first of all, you all are telling me that i'm some "adult playing fantasy" and i "don't know how old i am" and i don't know how else to convince of this other than repeating myself- everything I've said is true. Secondly, i don't "think" me and this guy are 2-3 years apart, i know it. My b-day is Nov. 1 and I'll be 15 then, meaning I'll be 15 before he's 18. So, he's not a whole 3 years older and he's not only 2 either. It's somewhere in between. Another reason you all seem to think that I'm an adult is that i "write very well and seem very educated", which i am. I take all honors classes and have a 5.038 GPA, so i can't help but write this way, and just so you know, I've NEVER been put down for writing with good grammar and i would never "dumb my words down" to prove that i'm a teenager. Adults aren't the only ones that can speak and write English properly. And although i am very educated, I've never been in a situation like this (or one even close to this) and that's why i came to you guys for help. And yes, i use the word f*** a lot because that's what I hear all the time. Lastly, i can't help the fact that my friend tried to help me by posting my question again, but, truth be told, she's at least doing more than what you all are doing by telling me I'm a lie because I'm smart! And by "you all" i only mean those who are putting me down, not the ones who actually are trying to help (Thanks!) If all of this hasn't led you to believe me, then i guess I'll just wait until someone who does see that I'm serious offers their advice. For those who have already done this, I'm very grateful and the anonymous male reader was right, i have been asking the wrong question. I need to know WHAT to say, not how to say it, so I'd appreciate your help!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): Without being rude if you read below the aunts and uncles think this guy is NOT the right guy. ALSO you are asking the wrong questions - it's not how do I tell him BUT WHAT do I tell him. You don't seem convinced of your own answer (that he should wait if he loves you and like waiting because you are worth it). In terms of HOW all you can do is SCRIPT what you will say to him, prepare REBUTTALS (answers) to his question's PRACTICE listening to his whinings and pleadings then PRACTICE some more. good luck and god bless. sorry sandman I know it's fishy but I'm just trying to help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): Indeed Sandman, there is something fishy about this whole post, I noticed that as well.....
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-am-a-virgin-how-can-i-tell.html
This guy is 17, you know that, but somehow you don't know how old you are, you think your maybe 2 or is it 3years old than him. You write very well, and seem very educated, but you are not sure if a guy will leave you if you don't have sex with him. You know all about fucking of course, you seem to like to use this word a lot for a young lady of 14 years old.....
mmmm... all sounds fishy to me. I think your an adult playing fantasy with all us hardworking aunts and uncles....
And as your friend that's has just appeared to explain everything, you both seem to be intelligent women, why don't you just check the index, or use the search button to find that this question has been asked thousands of times.... I don't believe your story one little bit......
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): I'm hoping that everyone including Sandman reads this. You all have obviously found out that I posted a question exactly like this yesterday. The thing is, I'm not the writer of the question on this page. My friend wrote this one. She told me the entire story and felt like she was the only one having this problem so I posted another so that she could see that she was not alone (and give her the feedback that people gave to the question I posted) So, no, Sandman, my friend is not a troll and she certainly hasn't forgotten her b-day (I actually forgot, but only by 3 days) Seriously, I didn't know it was wrong, I just wanted to make things easier for my friend. She's still having a hard time confronting this guy.Sorry for any problems I may have caused!!! :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): You all are just amazing!!! (It's me again, telling you the latest on what's going on in this crazy situation.) Last night, I went to a party with him and after we were there for about an hour, he asked if I wanted to leave. I knew he wanted to f*** but I left anyway. We went to his house since his family wasn't coming home until the next morning. Then, the weirdest thing happened! We were cuddled up on the couch watching a movie when he started kissing me. As always, things got intense and soon all I had on were my boy shorts and my bra (which is usually when I have to remind him that I'm not goin any farther than that)only this time, i didn't have to. I started to notice that he wasn't forcing me to go past that point like he usually does. He reached for my bra strap and I gave him a warning look and instead of gettin mad, he calmly let go and kept kissing me. About 5 min later, he leaned in my ear and said "I don't want you feelin forced to let me f***. I didn't plan on f***ing tonight, I just wanted us to be alone. Don't get me wrong, I wanna f*** but I can tell that tonight you not up to it and that's cool. Imma still keep tryin but you don't have to be scared to tell me to stop." All I could do was smile and when he asked me why I was smiling so much, I looked up at him and said "Just kiss me already" I ended up havin a wonderful night with no f***ing!!! A few minutes before I left he said he still wanted to know when he can actually f*** b/c he wants to on my b-day (Nov. 1) but i don;t know if i'll be ready then. I'm not as scared as before to tell him i may not on my b-day, but what if it makes him mad that i need that long to think??? I'm not so sure that he will be mad but he has before so I don't know what to expect! If he does get mad, how do i handle it without necessarily breaking it off with him for good?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): 1st we're proud of u. 2nd u ask 'how can I tell him I want it but i'm not ready right now'. the answer is communication, which should be at the bedrock of all relationships. he and u should be able to tell each other things, care about how each other is feeling, not be uncomfortable bringing something up. if I couldn't tell my GF something then we don't have a relationship, if she is pissed at what I bring up then so be it, but if she has no sympathy for my pov then again we don't have a relationship. in ur case if he is not understanding and COMMITTED to u then sorry babe u don't have a relationship with him. in terms of how to tell him, do it in a public place (mall shop) in daylight, he may be pissed, when he is be patient & let him blow off steam and then ask him 'do u care about me enough to wait?' also if he asks when? u'll have to come up with an answer - 2 options are 'i'll know when I know' & another is 'when u r the best BF around' or 'in 1(2) years (shock) time'. if u do put a time limit on it it'll get scary counting down. he will also be persistent. lastly if u do give in, 1st time sex isn't all it's cracked up to be (mine wasn't) u could still lose him (other responses) I think u r still under age (so illegal) and finally be safe. GOOD LUCK & god bless.
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A
female
reader, thunderchild  +, writes (19 October 2008):
 Look kiddo hes only lookin for the one thing, that he could get any where else! Think about that, it doesnt sound like he cares for you, please dont tell me that you only want it to be him because he is a hot guy... Have you talked to your parents or friends about this?
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female
reader, KiaGrace  +, writes (19 October 2008):
 I know exactly how you feel. I am no longer a virgin. I am not proud to admit I lost my virginity at thirteen to a boy I dated for 8 months, and he was sixteen years old. We broke up in May and it was a devasting time for me. Anyways, A couple months later, July, I think it was, I started to date this other guy, he was seventeen and I was fourteen, we only dated for two weeks before he wanted to have sex with me. One night we were kissing and we were about to have sex, when I was like, "I can't do this" and I got up. He blew up. He was so angry, eventually I calmed him down and he apologized. An hour later, we we're kissing again, and we we're about to have sex and I was like "No, no" because I knew that if I did, I would loose him and I really liked him alot. He eventually talked me into it. We had sex, and a week went by and I still didn't hear from him, finally I heard from him TWO weeks later, and that was the end for us. It wasn't a great feeling but I moved on from it, we actually turned out to be good friends after that for some reason, but now we don't talk at all. I guess the point I'm trying to make here is, don't give in! If he really likes you, he will wait, and telling him you are not ready, is not as embarassing you make it out to be. I hope that you will do the right thing, and he will wait for you.Keep me posted.Best of luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): It's me again! (the girl askin for advice) I really want to thank all of you for the advice. The other day after school we were kissing for a while and I got lost in the moment, and, truth be told, if I had said stop only 10 seconds later, I wouldn't be a virgin right now! But I didn't let it happen. I could tell he wanted me to change my mind b/c as we kissed more, he kept gettin more aggressive. Eventually he got tired of me takin his hands off of my pants zipper and asked when I would actually let him go all the way. I thought he would've been mad, but he was surprisingly calm and his exact words were "I don't get it, you tell me you want me to be your first, but you won't let me in your pants. I can tell you want it and God knows I want it from you! If I didn't know better, I'd say you don't wanna f***, but you've told me a million times that you do, so I don't know what's up." He said its hard to kiss me without f***ing and its hard for me too b/c he knows my "spots" and most of the time I want to f*** sooooo... bad, but I'm still scared. I had to lie and say that i just had a bad day and wasn't up to it. I know it bothered him b/c he was already gettin hard and he knew I was h*rny too. I'm just way too scared of what will happen if I tell him that I don't want to f*** right now. I know you all told me to wait until I'm 100% sure, but it looks like all I'm doin now is makin it harder for both of us and it looks like all I can do is let him f*** and get it over with! I seriously think that if I don't, I'll just push him away b/c I'm being stubborn. How do I tell him that I'm scared to go all the way without turnin him away??? If the same thing happens at school on Monday, I might give in to him whether I want to or not. Don't get me wrong, I've never said that I've wanted a guy to be my first and I want it to be him more than anything, which is why I think lettin him f*** Mon. is the only thing left to do! I don't wanna disappoint him AGAIN!!! Do ya'll think I should just get it over with and things will get better? I need to know because I can't make up another excuse on Mon. I'm running out of choices!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): I know this is scary 4 you but 'if in doubt there is no doubt'. which means you should only be 100+percent certain when and to whom you give your virginity to. He may be the prize guy in school and you may never have had a break up before, but in a year's time if he's not going to stick with you (becoz of sex) then he's not worthy. Don't you want your first time to be filled with love, emotion and tenderness? He seems a wham bam let's do it man. At end of day it's your decision, in any event be safe. good luck and god bless.
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (18 October 2008):
 If you sleep with him he'll take your virginity then dump you and you'll be nothing more than another notch on his bedpost. You're more likely to keep him if you DON'T sleep with him!!! Get to know him better, don't fall for his pressurising ways. If he gets angry or continues to pressure you for sex then get rid of him and tell him he's a user! Any guy that truly likes a girl will wait to get to know her first before going all the way. Keep him at arm's length, that way YOU have the power over HIM! If you sleep with him then he'll run and you only have yourself to blame. WAIT!!!
~Eve~
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female
reader, thunderchild +, writes (18 October 2008):
yeah, but still if you havin doubts you know your not ready, you are still young there is always time its not a race to loose your virginity it will happen when its meant to, this guy just seems like a plonker! like i said it wont bother him if you do or dont he can get it else where, you need you first time to pe special with some you care about and with some one who cares about you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): Your only 14, not a really proud age to lose it is it?
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female
reader, babomi  +, writes (18 October 2008):
 he wants the thrill of being the first, he wants your body, he does not want you, look at how fast he s making practical plans, no emotions or tenderness there,
even if he treats you (now) better than his f*** buddies, he won t treat you well enough
it will be your first time, do it with somebody who ll be there for you to give you respect, affection and attention
don t go for a boy just because he has a gorgeous body,
a good guy is more than a good looking one
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female
reader, catsleeps  +, writes (18 October 2008):
seems that he get close to you for sex.
if u are not ready, just ignore him
be with someone that loves you not merely for sex
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): Its me (the girl who asked for this advice) 1st of all, Im not afraid that if i DO have sex with him that i'll lose him, i'm afraid that if I don't, i'll lose him. Another thing, i don't want to be his first, I want him to be my first. I won't say I'm IN love with him, but I do love him to some extent. I do want to say thanks to thunderchild, though but i could use more advice. I really don't wanna lose him and it looks like letting him take my virginity now is the only solution!!!Please help me before I make a huge mistake! I'm so lost and I don't have much time to make a decision!!!
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female
reader, [[love~struck]] +, writes (18 October 2008):
If he is the one making all the plans and telling when and were he obviously just wants to fuck you.
You should really ask him how he feels. And tell him to be honest!
Your 14 sweetie. If you dont want to have sex with some guy then dont!! If he graduates any way, he will probably just go to college and move on. My advice is to just ask him and dont do it if you really feel its not right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): Virginity is gods most precious gift to everyone.. save it for when your older and with someone you love, and especially when your ready. you don't sound ready at all.. just wait it out girl. I wish I could take back losing my virginity when I was 14.. Worst mistake of my life. Please just listen to me when I say wait. and it sounds like he only wants one thing. If you really want to do it, you will regardless to what I'm saying.. but Just think about it, and try to make the best decision for you..
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female
reader, thunderchild +, writes (18 October 2008):
any doubts about it then your not ready there a large emotional part to sex that they dont always tell you about, I wished i had waited, but hey what can i do about it now, other than remind people like you that, it only happens once and when its done its done...
Dont worry about him, by the sounds of it hes only lookin for one thing, and he seems to be gettin it anyway, have some class, wait till your ready, till you meet the right guy.
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