A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My Question is: Should I break up with someone because of long distance?I've been seeing a guy for nearly a year now, but we're long distance. At first it wasn't so bad because we were between cities, but now it's across continents. I had always sworn against long distance, but I've genuinely never met anyone like this guy, he's got such depth, warmth, compassion and charm, we connect very strongly, and we have the best time when we're together. In fact if it weren't for the distanceI don't think I'd have a problem.The problem is, I've gotten so used to us not being together for long periods of time, that I feel like it's put a dampener on my feelings. When I see him I feel a mixture of things the first few days, angry at myself, guilty that I don't feel the spark, but then after a day or two we have an crazy incredible time.He means a great deal to me. But I just hate this kind of emotional shock, and lately I find myself less attracted to him physically.I don't want to hurt him. But my feelings are waning and I feel terrible about it. Also I don't know if this is just a "The grass is greener on the other side" thing. I'm in my early twenties, and the next few years my jobs will be all over the world- I'm in languages. Meanwhile he'll be in the U.S for some time because of his profession. We spend more time apart than together, and we are both faithful to each other. We're so alike I can't imagine not having him in my life, and he makes me grow. I can't stand being apart from him, but right now at this point in our lives we have to be, because the things we want to do with our lives are running in different directions. Hence the distance. I don't want to ruin what we have just because I'm lonely for a year. He would never do that to me.Sorry I'll stop rambling now,What should I do? Thank you for any suggestions(p.s I'm a guy too)
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female
reader, 47miles  +, writes (5 August 2010):
"If there's anything I've learned, it is that you shouldn't put your life on hold for someone else's."
i should really stick this inside my head...im with my boyfriend for 4 years...3 years LDR and still running..but sometimes it gets tiring...but i should say..hold on buddy and keep strong. if you love him go for it...but if the feeling is gone..just end it...no point moving forward when the wheel is broken..to much baggage to carry...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): Hey buddy,I've just come out of a 2 year long distance relationship. We were on opposite coasts of the U.S. At one point I thought this person was my soul mate. For the first year I believe we trusted each other completely and maybe even loved each other more, but I think the distance slowly began taking its toll. Like you, I felt guilty. My situation is a little unique in that this person's Mom died and I did not have the heart for several months to even suggest that there was an issue with our relationship. They were leaning on me heavily after their mom's death, but at the same time treating me like a punching bag. I really tried hard to get it all to work out by offering to pay for plane tickets or anything - just to have some form of contact. I'm afraid to say though, that if you are having doubts, long distance may not be the thing to do. I completely understand how you are feeling guilty. But from my experience, you may begin to see over time that this person is not who you remember. I would just caution you that the person you fell in love with may end up in the past. Just remember that your happiness is important and long distance definitely puts a strain on this. If there's anything I've learned, it is that you shouldn't put your life on hold for someone else's. As babomi said, if you can both maintain, and are okay with, each other having very separate lives, then there is a chance, but I'll be the first to tell you that it is very difficult. A lot can change. I'm sorry to sound pessimistic, but I hope it helps in some way.-your friend in California
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (11 October 2008):
 Hi there. I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years. When it ended, it broke my heart. For over a year after the break up, I still felt hurt by it not working. However, after a period of time, I took a look at the situation on a whole. While our relationship was great, and we shared a lot of love, it was never going to survive the transitional periods of our life. She ended the relationship with me because she was moving to university, and this meant that seeing eachother would be even rarer than it already was. And throughout our relationship, seeing eachother for a week or two every SEVEN WEEKS was what we were already dealing with.
In terms of distance, me and her were in the same country, just opposite ends. You say that you are continents apart, which is a heavy disadvantage as you know. I'm sure you love him, but you clearly have a lot of pressure on you, and I believe that is what's causing you to feel less attracted to him, and bring out all the emotions you're feeling.
My advice would be to tell him how you feel. Whenever my relationship fell apart, I couldn't read the warning signs, so try and make it obvious that you have a problem with your relationship. In terms of long-term advice, I'm afraid I would advise you to end the relationship. This will be a painful experience for him and you I'm sure, but I honestly believe that you will feel better as a result. And hopefully in time you both can find acceptance to your relationship's demise.
This advice comes out of my own experience. It's very hard to accept that a relationship can't work due to circumstances. And even whenever you accept the fact that a relationship just couldn't work, you still wish hard that there was a way for you both to be together. So, as I suggest - talk with him and see how he is feeling about the relationship. Be honest and understanding.
I hope this helped, and that things work out for you. Please feel free to keep me up to date. Best of luck!
-Andy00
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A
female
reader, babomi  +, writes (11 October 2008):
 LDR can work if both people are emotionnally stable and able to manage themselves without relying on their partner you seem to have a fusional relationship with your boyfriend, it sounds like you ve found a very special person for you, but you won t be able to go through, you and your relationship unscathed and unharmed, if you live only being aware of the distance and the absenceyou ve to realize you will be on your own for a year, whatever happensaccept that first, and then, u ll see better what will be best for you next year and after
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