A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:At the risk of being a total cliche, yes, I found the proverbial "box of love letters, poems, and cards" my boyfriend of 3 years wrote to his ex-wife during their courtship ten years ago. I don't have a problem with him having a past and holding onto memories. I've done the same. What really threw me for a loop, however, was the sheer intensity of the love he so clearly expressed for this woman in his cards, when in my presence, he's said nothing but angry bitter and negative things about her. But then there's the old adage, there's a thin line between love and hate. I just wish he hadn't lied and made everything with her sound so miserable when in fact, he told her she was the love of his life. (he's never said that to me) When I asked him if he has feelings for her (before box incident) he quickly dismissed it saying she's done, he harbors no ill will towards her, but doesn't think about her at all. In light of these very loving and romantic letters, I question whether I should continue in a relationship with someone who I now know is capable of such amorous feelings and eloquent ways of expressing them (he told me he has a problem expressing himself, which he clearly doesn't) to another when he hasn't been that intense or romantic with me. A friend said that it's an age/maturity factor and that love letters are for the young who have time to write and send them as he did ten years ago, but is now in a different place in his life dealing with mortgages, bills, and stress. Should I just chock up his lukewarm affection towards me as a sign of stress and the economy and accept the fact that stable mature relationships don't have fire or passion?
View related questions:
ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): ha!!
i feel the exact same i found old shit in the garage!
i dwelled on it for a few years but at the end of the day the past is the past!!
i have sex phtos found and i tell u right now my husband could KILL his Ex!!
DOnt worry about it hey.. goves you more reason to be sexier hotter nicer loving to your husband.. something she prob never did :)
A
female
reader, Serenity1 +, writes (17 October 2008):
 I don't know I would also feel as though he had some feelings there that he hasn't showed me. I'm only 28 but some things just come by our womanly instincts. And you know when know when you know. Even if it is ten years later, either he's bitter about the way she didn't give in to his caring approach through the letters or he doesn't show those kind of feelings any more (or doesn't chose to).
...............................
A
female
reader, babomi  +, writes (17 October 2008):
 Your boyfriend was passionately in love with his ex to the point he made her all these declarations, it didn t workHe was hurt so bad, he just remembers the bad times and angry feelings, he can't say "you are the love of my life again" because the sentence (and his good intentions) did not prevent the relationship to go real badSo, yes, he matured and backed away from passionate declarations that wronged him and made him look ridiculous (guy's mind) but you're lucky, he does not regret her or live in nostalgy
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): I think perhaps you are reading too much into a relationship of 10 years ago, dear. Remember, he is older, wiser now, and perhaps at the time he did feel those things, but they aren't together now, and he has chosen to be with you. People do alot of things when they are younger that they wouldn't do when they are older, you know? When you are young and love is fresh, you think there is nothing greater, right? And then as you get older, mature, you look back on things and you think" Did I really say that? Feel that?" Please don't read too much into something that is ancient history. Just focus on your happiness together. If you don't feel your relationship has fire, why don't you try to put some fire into it? Help it along. Just because you are older doesn't mean that love has to be any less exciting! Spice things up.
...............................
|
