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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I need some help here dealing with a couple of things or an extra point of view.CONTEXTI used to have a very nice body (waist 24in/62cm)but a couple of years ago I decided to quit my job and start a business with my partner. So now I 'm working all day sitting in front of the computer and hardly have time to excercise anymore.Things haven't gone well financially, we are struggling for survival, lend money to pay for services and eat what we can, usually carbohydrates, scarce proteins and no vegetables.THE ISSUESI try to keep my hopes up, but my partner is very often depressed and/or irritable and our sexual life is 1/9 of what it used to, I have a hard time convincing him or enticing him, I'm always trying to start it and sometimes I succeed but despite it's great he usually feels bad afterwards.I try to understand him, I know we are under a lot of preasure and when he is in a good mood he's so great that I forget everything that bothered me and feel like the luckiest person on Earth.I have mayor weight issues, which I'm always trying to fight. Many years ago I went through anorexia and bulimia and with a lot of self discipline I got myself out of it. The thing is I'm heavier now (like 12 pounds and my waist is 27in/69 cm, I believe it's probably my lifestyle or maybe age, but it's hard for me to deal with it, somedays I manage to convince myself that I'm OK, but usually I feel bad about it.However, I don't like showing I feel that way and I act very confident and secure. A year and a half ago my partner told me I was chubby, that I looked pregnant. I felt like sh*t, and it took me a lot of time to deal with it, however I didn't make a fuss about it because I don't like looking like the stereotype of a girl with weight issues.The thing is that yesterday, just after sex my partner told me again I was chubby. I know, and I feel awful about it and his pushing me into eating more bread (he believes it will help with my gastritis) isn't helping me either.Now I'm having all this negative thoughts around in my head, which don't let me concentrate and get me feelling crappy.QUESTIONSDo you know how I can deal with my weight issues?.(I know I shouldn't define my self by what a guy thinks of me, but it really puts the cherry on top)Do you think my partner has distanced from me because of the financial difficulties or because of the way I look? (I don't have money right now to buy nice clothes or cosmetic products or eat healthily)Is he telling me this things because he's worried about it or is it just because he's trying to make me snap to get aout of this relationships (emotional and business) "easily"?Should I give up on our dream of running this business and start looking for a job elsewhere? (I know it would break his heart if I do this and this company is my dream too)Do you know any good B2B sales tactics? Why do you think people are not buying? (I'm not selling anything stupid, actually it's an incredibly useful product, it's rather new, hardly any competition and we have the best prices)Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): I'M THE POSTER OF THE QUESTION+++++++++++++++++
Thank you very much for your answers babomi, duskyrowe and anonymous. They helped me realise many things.
I'm being more disciplined now, I got a bike and am doing my best to eat more vegetables and avoid carbs. I'm also starting yoga by myself with a book and have lost 2 pounds so far, I calculate that at this pace I'll reach my goal by september.
I've done some serious checking in my priorities and have decided to put myself first, not the business, if things are going to come they will and I'll keep doing my best without neglecting myself.
About the man, he's actually a carying and respectful person, that's also why I shook me and took it so personally when he told me that. It took me a couple of days to stop thinking about it and decided to use that feeling to fuel my will power.
I've also come to realise that everyone is responsible for their own hapiness, so I'll focus on keeping myself in a good mood and I'll be more understanding, but won't feel responsible for his.
Thanks again for your ideas and input and for reminding me of what´s important.
A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Hey your man sound like an ass. Telling their gf that they are chubby, is another way of saying that you are fat.Surely that he is aware of your eating disorder past and should have never made a cheap jibe like that.Do yourself a favour love!!! Make a go of your business and drop that ASSHOLE you call a boyfriend. Show him that you can make a success of yourself without him.As for your eating habits and lifestyle, eat sensibly and take regular exercise.
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A
female
reader, babomi  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 u ve a combo of reasons for both of you to get depressed
u should tell ur boyfriend how bad these remarks make you feel, and ask him if this aggressivity has something to do with your current business situation, try to see where his resentment comes from and sort issues out one by one
then, take a step :
either he accepts you spend more money and energy on dieting, at the expense of your business
either you can t, and he has to accept ur image or you have to find another job that pays more
(ps. don t eat bread, stop carbs, processed food, fizzy drinks, even with no time and a limited amount of money, go for the boiled/steamed veggies -carrots, broccolis, a small chunk of potato, cellery-, and boiled chicken, shouldn t cost too much, takes one pan and 5 mins to cook, will fill you up, u ll see the long term impact)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): First off your not fat, he said chubby, chubby is not bad. If you want to flatten and tone your body thats great, but don't just do it for him, do it for yourself so you can start feeling amazing about yourself. Pilates and Yoga do wonders, most towns have programs that you can take, go to your library they ususally have information about it...i know most people don't think pilates and yoga help but they really do, also helps with flexability *wink wink nudge nudge*, if you don't like that have you ever considered horse back riding, i hear it actual works your muscles, another thing you could do is in the middle of the day go for a 30 - an hour walk around town, explore, fresh air does wonders! Okay, the topic of the MAN! first off, you can tell him i think he's an ass (sorry) He has no right to critisize you and from the description of the mood i don't really think he's into the relationship (again..sorry) but that just means that you can find a better guy that will love you the way you are and who isn't such a downer! And people aren't buying because people don't have tons of money at the moment, ummm whos your demographic??? if its adults definetly try making lots of deals for awhile, then start changing as you gain more consumers...sorry about the lack of business help, no good with that stuff...hope it helps...you sound like you deserve someone special and please remember..."Once you accept the fact that you're not perfect, then you develop some confidence" ^.^
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