A
female
age
41-50,
*ieta
writes:It's complicated.I met this guy in my new office and in a month we committed to have a relationship. We're from a different race and religion, in our family culture it's not common to have relationship indifferent race and religion. (There's an opinion that his race is higher or better than my race.)Then we did it backstreet..Two weeks since our commitment, we had sex (it was the first time for me). I felt he was really in love with me since every time we had problems I left him and he came to me crying then I would take him back.Our problem is never about another woman or man.. just about our character and habits.. he was so gentle in the beginning.. I really trust him that I am the only one.After 20 months a phone call came to my sister, a girl told her that my boyfriend is married. My sister told me and all my family were angry..I tried to investigate and I waited for him in front of his house on Saturday night but I don't have any evidence, I just saw him with his family.Then Ii talked to him about it and he promised me that he wasn't married, he cried to keep me with him..Ii decided to resign of my office since I want to continue study.A friend of mine that is still in that office told me that she saw him in the airport with a pregnant woman.. she asked me to investigate again..September 19th he called me to be patient and said that he will marry me and try to win my family's heart.September 22 I don't know why a call her family (for two years I afraid to have contact to his family).I talked to his sister, asked her whether he's married or not and his sister said he has married for a year. He was married to a woman from his raceThis fact shocked me and made me want to die. September 17 his wife gave birth to a baby.I called him and he kept giving me reasons that he never did a marriage, he never loved the other woman, he never wanted that baby..He never admitted why he did it all to me.. what did I do wrong? How could he lie to me? So many times I tried to leave him.. why did he keep crying..Two weeks later I lay on my bed.. I can't face the truth that he belongs to other woman, that he had a son..In our culture virginity is still important in a marriage.. I am afraid to tell someone about this.. if my family find out that I am not virgin anymore, my family must kill him, that's why I can't tell anyone bout this.Actually if I never had sex with him I would have totally left him after 3 months into our relationship.Even people in our office didn't know that he was married..I have told him that Ii can't let go of him since I am not virgin anymore..Yesterday I called him to meet him.. he seems not feel guilty and I do regret meeting him in the first place.Please tell me what to do.. how can I forgive him? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): You don't need to forgive him, dear. He doesn't deserve your forgivness, or love or compassion. Forgive yourself, and forget him. Everyone does things they wish they hadn't and there are many many men who will love you, regardless of your state of virginity/non virginity. But give the guy up ok? He isn't worth your time, or your tears. There are many wonderful men in the world, he's not one of them!
A
female
reader, babomi  +, writes (13 October 2008):
 You don't have to forgive him, why would you?He lied, cheated and used you! He was with you like in a fantasy, to forget a marriage he did not want, unable to live with reality. He's not real and he's not a good person, cut him off your life.Forget him and look for a loving, understanding husband who will accept this little accident in your past. Don't feel guilty, it was not your fault.
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