| Latest articles: Internet Dating: We know it's rubbish, so why do we do it?
This question has 9 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 November 2010: So, they are both at it again. Who's at it? My two best female mates and they are doing what they both said they would NEVER do. They are both internet dating...again. Why? I sobbed, looking up at the ceiling in hope of some divine guidance ...
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Husband waking me up at 3:30 am wanting to talk! I need my sleep!
Q. My life feels like it's falling apart over something that should be so simple! My husband only needs 5 hours of sleep but I need 8 in order to function. He normally wakes me up at 5:00 AM which is bad enough because I like to sleep until 6:30 on the ...
A. 25 November 2010: His behaviour is totally unreasonable. This is selfishness of a massive scale. (Please note that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture).
Stand your ground and tell him he is entering into deal-breaker territory. Waking you up at 3.30am s... (read in full...)
I broke up with him because he keeps talking to an older woman!
Q. Ok so I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday because he constantly talks to an older woman and doesn't consider my feelings about it even thou I have told him a lot how much it bothers me. ... its his friends wife an usually wouldn't bother me but ...
A. 25 November 2010: Hello.
Well, I think you've got your answer. He obviously couldn't care about your feelings. I think you've had a lucky escape from a bad relationship.
The thing is to take care of yourself now and try not to let yourself think about this man a... (read in full...)
I ignore her because I don't want to look like an idiot
Q. I already accepted the fact that I was in love with the same gender. We got really close and I fell in love with her. I talked to her everyday on the phone, she'd hug me most of the time. with some things happening, I changed my ways because of her. ...
A. 25 November 2010: Hello.
If I can just summarise.
You fell in love with your friend. 'Some things happened' -I assume behaviour which was more than friendship. You then cut her dead over summer (for whatever reasons, you stop all contact), you make up at schoo... (read in full...)
I just wish she'd recognise my efforts without me telling her to!
Q. hi. Im feeling really muddled up and im looking for some help... If someone could please reply, i would be extremely appreciative and grateful... Recently i've been doing a lot for my girlfriend and sacrificing a lot to try to keep her happy. H...
A. 23 November 2010: Hello. Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. There are a few questions I'd like to ask and raise, if you don't mind. 1. What are the good points about your relationship? Why are the two of you together at all? 2. What is it that you ... (read in full...)
Are these signs of cheating?
Q. Hi everyone, I am suspecting that my bf is cheating on me. There are many reasons why I feel this way. - I came home to him today showering, which he would never do this late in the day - he wanted to change the sheets because he claimed tha...
A. 18 November 2010: The trouble is that once someone becomes suspicious of their partner, the relationship is like a boat being steered through a storm straight into a massive rock. Suspicion means lack of trust and once trust is over, the relationship is on its way ... (read in full...)
Confused in New England.
Q. I'm currently in a unhealthy relationship for the past 8 years and was perfectly ok with it. Recently I have met an amazing women whom is 10 yrs younger that is in a relationship with someone for the past 6 years and own a home together. We have ...
A. 17 November 2010: Hello and thank you for your kind words. I pleased that I have been able to help in some way.
I know you feel that your mind is going around in circles, and that is because it IS.
Ok...If we are now to reduce the situation down to the 'deal' on... (read in full...)
What do I have to do for my girlfriend to forgive me?!
Q. It was my girlfriends birthday a little over a week ago and I had some stuff come up that got in the way of getting her a gift. I told her about it and at first she was fine with it, then a few days later she brought it up and i felt terrible...
A. 17 November 2010: I know your question is what I can I do to make her realise you are sincere in your apologies - I just feel the urge to say- God, she is milking this.... however, that wasn't your question...just a gut reaction.
So, she is talking to you but refu... (read in full...)
How do I lightly confront him over this text?
Q. Ok so how do I confront my boyfriend about a text that I found on his phone...well he has a password on it...The thing is I feel bad for going through his phone but I don't like what I saw. How do I talk to him? and how do I even start it...HELP ...
A. 16 November 2010: When trust goes out the window - the relationship is heading towards disaster. It really is just a matter of when. Please take note that you have now entered into the orbit of planet deal-breaker. If he is cheating - immoral and a deal-breaker. ... (read in full...)
What happened to my best friend?
Q. What happened with my best friend? I met this lady while we were both mature students at college. We had so much fun together (I was 23 when I met her) and were best friends for 13 years. She had just been through a bad divorce with a very rich...
A. 16 November 2010: Hello.
Just to day that, unfortunately, I am not a mind reader. All that I can do is speculate, but that is not a concrete answer.
All that I can conclude that the turning point in your friend's behaviour happened after the three of you wen... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't seem to want sex anymore!
Q. My boyfriend hardly ever wants sex, I really do think it's wierd. Usually you hear that they are pests but my boyfriend isn't at all. It's not a case of I need to tell him, I've told him and his response is usually 'your a slag and I'm tired' even ...
A. 16 November 2010: Hello.
First of all, your man is being verbally, emotionally and psychologically abusive towards you.
He is insulting you - Slag = verbal abuse. Slag is a truely demeaning and vulgar word and no woman should be tolerate it nor use it about oth... (read in full...)
Confused in New England.
Q. I'm currently in a unhealthy relationship for the past 8 years and was perfectly ok with it. Recently I have met an amazing women whom is 10 yrs younger that is in a relationship with someone for the past 6 years and own a home together. We have ...
A. 16 November 2010: ....sorry, answer got cut off.
The next stage of an infatuation is the idealization of the person. They are amazing and wonderful and have no flaws. The next stage is basically a roller-coaster ride of emotions - hope versus uncertainty. Will we ... (read in full...)
Confused in New England.
Q. I'm currently in a unhealthy relationship for the past 8 years and was perfectly ok with it. Recently I have met an amazing women whom is 10 yrs younger that is in a relationship with someone for the past 6 years and own a home together. We have ...
A. 16 November 2010: Hello.
The conflict is: Unhealthy relationship plus kids of 8 years versus infatuation with new work colleague. Which one has the greater pull on your heart, soul and mind?
I think one of the answers you are looking for is: Would I be willi... (read in full...)
Drama, the other white meat.
Q. Ok, I will try to keep this as short as possible, but I have so much to talk about I think it might be impossible. I am going to try to condense 5 years of problems on both of our sides and remain completely honest about my faults. I will not hold ...
A. 15 November 2010: Hmmm....
I think I am with your counsellor on this one. And I am delighted you have a cousellor to work this through, I really am. Listen to him and work with him.
The best of luck to the both of you. Be well.x... (read in full...)
Do I let her be and give her the space and let her come back in her own time?
Q. Hi Ive got an issue with my girlfriend at the moment, we have been together now for almost 5 years... its been a pretty intense relationship really with plenty of ups and downs but we have never seperated in this time. At the moment we are taki...
A. 15 November 2010: Hmmm...I don't know the nature of your 'ups and downs' over the last five years but the facts are - you have moved out, you have then stayed over, she wants to be with you and is alternatively affectionate then cold.
From what I am reading,... (read in full...)
My parents found out he is married from a private detective, then I heard kids in the background on the phone! Do you think he is lying?
Q. ok i got involved with this guy, and my parents being bossy and overbearing hired a private detective to find out about him, i didnt know this, anyways they came to me and said all these things about him and then they said that they found out he was ...
A. 15 November 2010: Hello.
Let's just break this down into the bare facts for a moment.
1. You meet a man who does not tell you he is married. Whether it is a 'paper marriage' or a 'real' marriage. He did not reveal his status to you. This is called Deception... (read in full...)
Confused in New England.
Q. I'm currently in a unhealthy relationship for the past 8 years and was perfectly ok with it. Recently I have met an amazing women whom is 10 yrs younger that is in a relationship with someone for the past 6 years and own a home together. We have ...
A. 15 November 2010:
Hello and thank you responding back to me. I do see your conflict of emotions and I am going to try and help you focus.
Question:
Your female friend, whom you have strong feelings for, calls you and tells you she wants to be with you. She wan... (read in full...)
I want my friend back, but is he even worth it?
Q. This guy is a good friend of mine. He asked me out, I said no so we were just good friends even tho we flirt, I think he knows that I do like him but he means alot to me, and i cant risk losing him. I havent seen him in a year, we talked alot on ...
A. 15 November 2010: Ok...
I would think that you are going to have to get the message. He has and is removing you from his life. You haven't seen him for a year, he has removed you from facebook. These are not acts of closeness, are they? They are acts of 'go away... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has disgusted me-can I forgive?
Q. My boyfriend and I have hit a rough patch recently as we've both been ill on and off and very busy at work. Basically just not in sync, no sex, just all very practical chat. We're both feeling better now so this weekend was gonna be the weekend to ...
A. 15 November 2010: Why does he do it? Because he can. Because he loves it. Because he gets off on the attention...because he doesn't see it as being wrong.
Many people think that they are unfaithful only if their bodies are unfaithful. They think emotional contact ... (read in full...)
Not knowing what skeletons my girfriend has in her closet is driving me crazy!
Q. I've been going out with my girlfriend for about a year, and we've been discussing marriage. I recently found out that my girlfriend is very worried that one or more of her former friends (my girfriend had a falling out with a couple of her fr...
A. 14 November 2010: Hello.
1. Who told you she was scared of you finding something out? Because all they have done is really, really wound you up.
2. I would sit on it or just approach her directly. Don't go behind her back. Isn't rumour and gossip-mongering... (read in full...)
Confused in New England.
Q. I'm currently in a unhealthy relationship for the past 8 years and was perfectly ok with it. Recently I have met an amazing women whom is 10 yrs younger that is in a relationship with someone for the past 6 years and own a home together. We have ...
A. 14 November 2010: Hello.
Actually, you should care how it affects BOTH your relationships. It seems your relationship of 8 years has been discarded as completely worthless. Also, why on earth were/are you perfectly ok with an unhealthy relationship?
I hate ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has disgusted me-can I forgive?
Q. My boyfriend and I have hit a rough patch recently as we've both been ill on and off and very busy at work. Basically just not in sync, no sex, just all very practical chat. We're both feeling better now so this weekend was gonna be the weekend to ...
A. 14 November 2010: Hello. I feel as though I have said what I am about to say a thousand times, but I will say it again.
A relationship is made up of two components. The physical side and the emotional side. Therefore, an infidelity can be decribed as a physical... (read in full...)
I just want to be secure in my life and its not happening!
Q. Hi there, I need some advice. I'm actually having a bit of a breakdown at the moment! I'm waking up at 5am with a panic feeling of fear, I have constant headaches and cry all the time. Yes I'm going to my doctors! Basically I'm 30 years...
A. 14 November 2010: Hello.
You are far, far more brilliant and amazing than you know. You really, really are.
You are intelligent and motivated. I have met people with every bit of kindness, money and opportunities given to them and they have shoved it up a n... (read in full...)
Getting rid of these sickening romantic thoughts for someone other than my boyfriend?
Q. I have been really infatuated with a guy whom I admire a lot. Since a few days, I have been thinking so much of him even when I am doing my studies, work, cooking- anything. It's limerence I guess though I am not extremely crazy as to end up doing ...
A. 14 November 2010: Hello. Yup...you really are on the road to disaster. Not only have you cut your own car brakes but you are also heading straight over the edge of a cliff - forgetting the hostage you have tied and gagged in the boot of your car. It's your boyfriend. ... (read in full...)
I bought her a house and proposed, she's still not happy!
Q. i been i a relationship with my girlfriend for close to 6 years. and no matter what i do she does not seem to be happy. i bought a house for her and her kids to live in. ive asked her to marry me. but she is still un happy. she doe not help me with ...
A. 14 November 2010: .....The lack of emotion, going foetal and the inability to deal with day to day life (such as paying bills)sounds as though she is suffering from clincal depression. Please try and get her to a medical doctor and also a counsellor to assess and ... (read in full...)
Why would a guy text a married woman at 3am?
Q. hi im a male 49 my wife is 46,we worked for the same company on a shut down for 6 weeks just 3 months ago.my wife was a saftey officer i was a wellder.are foreman was a 29 year old male.a little history i would go on the internet a couple of years ...
A. 14 November 2010: Ok. Let me just try and summarise your question. I found it quite hard to read and so, I am trying to clarify the points.
1. You used to go onto chatsites and pornsites and you would casually flirt with the idea of a threesome but the reality ... (read in full...)
Is it rare for people to want unconditional love?
Q. Is it better to be honest with one's partner or to withhold the truth about something that you know might lead them to reconsdider being in the relationship? I see so many people advocate for dishonesty in relationships, and I don't understand it. ...
A. 14 November 2010: A healthy partnership/relationship is based in trust, honesty, respect, sexual attraction, good communication, love and committment.
Unconditional love and conditional love are two very different creatures. Most people enter into conditio... (read in full...)
She says she doesn't see us "that way"
Q. well ive been friends with this girl for about 5 yars we get along realy well she is amazing.... but ive developed feelings for her and last week dropped the bomb that these feelings were there..... and she just said she doesnt see us in that way...
A. 14 November 2010: This is such a tricky one.
In a nutshell, try and spend time apart. Because what can happen is that you could start to emotionally tread water. You will neither move forwards not backwards - you will stay in the same place, HOPING that if you show... (read in full...)
Why the big gaps between responding to texts?
Q. This question is mostly for men but women feel free to answer too. I was texting this guy now and again and then after 2 weeks we went on our first date. It went really well, and for the first 2days after he would text me all day. Ever since he...
A. 14 November 2010: 1- 2 hours? I thought you were going to say 1-2 days or weeks...LOL
Seeingstars is right. Just let him know that it bugs you. He probably is not aware at all.
x... (read in full...)
What happened to our future?
Q. How do you know when a relationship is on the break? My bf is tempermental, and when he is drunk he can either be loving and say he loves me and wants to be with me, then on a bad day when he is drunk says he hates me and wishes I would die. This ...
A. 14 November 2010: Hello.
I can tell you what happened - it sounds like you are in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic. Abuse does not have to be physical. There is also verbal, emotional and psychological abuse and they are all rather nasty and can have a d... (read in full...)
I shouldn't be in a relationship feeling the way that I do
Q. Hi, I am having relationship dilema and am hoping someone can give me some insight! I think I already know my answers but I'm not confident enough to act on it! I am in a relationship with a girl for the last year. I have never been with a woman be...
A. 14 November 2010: Hello.
Do not underestimate the stress of losing a loved one. Losing interest in sex is very common. Also, wanting time alone is also very common. You do need time to grieve and when we are grieving we do turn inwards. Losing your libido during s... (read in full...)
I cheated with him while drunk. He's my cousin's boyfriend!
Q. Last night, I got drunk with my cousin (who is also my best friend) and her boyfriend. I wound up staying the night with them and sharing their bed with them. My cousin wound up passing out early on in the night and her boyfriend started coming onto ...
A. 14 November 2010: Hello.
For me the most important person in this is the three year old son. If and when you tell your cousin, you are going to be dropping a hand grenade into this child's world. Your cousin is going to explode, shout, scream cry - possibly... (read in full...)
Does he like me for me or the sexual attraction?
Q. I need opinions, but please don't be rude or too judgmental. I realize I need help; that is why I'm reaching out for it. There is this guy I grew up with; we were always very close and I always felt like he was the best part of my life growing up. ...
A. 13 November 2010: Hello. Let's just break this down into the very bare facts. Some young man you like has asked you to sleep with him and send him sexy pics. You have said no and now you haven't heard from him. Sounds like a creep to me. You are not a mind-read... (read in full...)
I think about my girlfriend's sister while I masturbate!
Q. I have been with my gf for 3 years. We have a good healthy relationship, we have a house together and are planning a family. I find myself physically attracted to her sister (they're sisters) and I do believe I have received vibes from her and I ...
A. 13 November 2010: It is not unusual to find other people attractive and it would make sense that as sisters they are probably similar looking. They may even have similar tastes in men and that is why you sensed a vibe from her sister.
Also, maybe your g/f fancies ... (read in full...)
Internet Dating: We know it's rubbish, so why do we do it?
Q. So, they are both at it again. Who's at it? My two best female mates and they are doing what they both said they would NEVER do. They are both internet dating...again. Why? I sobbed, looking up at the ceiling in hope of some divine guidance ...
A. 13 November 2010: Thank you all very, very much for your comments - very much appreciated!
Lorna and Sarah have already have had some absolutely demented dates - but they are still optimistic - bless..hehe (I'll give them another few months). Lorna also reminded... (read in full...)
Did I read him right?
Q. Hi i met a guy 3 yrs ago and we did date for a few weeks,but never slept togeather.we did have a fall out when i got drunk one night,but then got to being friends again.Its allways been friends.BUT ive wanted to form a relationship with him..BUT ...
A. 13 November 2010: Hello.
Let's look at this.
You are in a relationship and this man is in a relationship. So, NO you should not sleep with each other.
The trouble is - both of you have already crossed a small line in the sand.
Of course this man just wants s... (read in full...)
I think he's trying to keep me in his back pocket.
Q. I hate being in the state of limbo with someone you really like! I've never been in a relationship before and the guy I guess I'm dating has only been in one relationship. So together we have little to no experience with relationships. We both ...
A. 13 November 2010: Hello.
Without further information, it is hard to read someone's motivation. I don't know how long you have known each other, if you are lovers,etc. If so, how long for? Do you go out on 'dates' - movies, dinner, etc? If you have the same cir... (read in full...)
Do some men just have some kind of attraction around them or something?
Q. Do some guys just have the mojo? like austin powers? My question is for the women out there, do some men just have some kind of attraction around them or something. Something that just makes a women want to have sex with them? If a guy was to hav...
A. 12 November 2010: Good answer Seeingstars!
And what an interesting question. I can only guess at the motivation for asking it. The first part of the question is really for the ladies to answer on this site. The second part, would he better off settling down, et... (read in full...)
How can I make my boyfriend realize he has made a mistake?
Q. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. For the first three months after the break we still saw a lot of each other, as friends, but we were still very close. I've just found out that he has been sleeping with someone since we broke up ...
A. 12 November 2010: Hello.
I know it's hard but you are going to have to accept that he is with someone else now.
It might be that his reaction to your ultimatum is really a blessing and you'll get to see this. You have been emotionally treading water - neither goin... (read in full...)
Get back with ex or go with new girl who offered support and grew attached?
Q. my ex GF and i want to get back together, or are in the process of sorting out ourselves. we both have realised our mistakes in our old relationship and are having fun dating. however there are a couple of obstacles in the way: - her p...
A. 12 November 2010: Hello.
So, what do we have here? Definitely a state of confusion and insecurity. So, there are two women in your life. One who you are greedily lapping up attention from and admit you love the attention. Are you lovers with this girl? Does she... (read in full...)
Found a picture from a previous relationship!
Q. So I recently found a picture of my girlfriend that she took of herself when she was nude. I know that this is from a previous relationship and that she was with the guy for a while, but it is bugging the hell out of me that I accidentally ran ...
A. 12 November 2010: Retroactive jealousy is such a bloody monster and this is why. The brain sees an image of your loved one with someone else and it reacts as it has just happened. You have the emotional jolt or seeing an image that shows your g/f being sexual and ... (read in full...)
Found a picture from a previous relationship!
Q. So I recently found a picture of my girlfriend that she took of herself when she was nude. I know that this is from a previous relationship and that she was with the guy for a while, but it is bugging the hell out of me that I accidentally ran ...
A. 11 November 2010: Hello.
By reading your question, it can been taken a couple of ways. Are you bothered that you 'found' this picture FULLSTOP and the image is a reminder that your g/f had a sexual life before you? Or you are bothered because it was casually tape... (read in full...)
Internet Dating: We know it's rubbish, so why do we do it?
Q. So, they are both at it again. Who's at it? My two best female mates and they are doing what they both said they would NEVER do. They are both internet dating...again. Why? I sobbed, looking up at the ceiling in hope of some divine guidance ...
A. 9 November 2010: hehe....KC..I am DELIGHTED it has gone well for you and I wish you all the very, very best!
DIRTBALL...many thanks for your comments and I also wish you the very best of luck!
Cheers....x... (read in full...)
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