A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my ex GF and i want to get back together, or are in the process of sorting out ourselves.we both have realised our mistakes in our old relationship and are having fun dating. however there are a couple of obstacles in the way:- her parents dont like me, they have openly told me, they dont like the idea that me and my ex are hanging out as friends either, and there are so many snarky/snipey comments. my ex is very stressed and depressed, having a tough time with her suffocating parents and her work. so she would need to keep me a secret- we are a little scared that we'll both make eachother the centre of our worlds again, iv picked up new hobbies and made some time for my own thing- i would be a little insecure with her talking to her exes still, her ex made her see that our relationship was going downhill- i have a friend that said she would help me over the heartbreak, now she says shes attached and says "i think i love you" im loving the attention, but feel guilty and finding it hard to say no to her, i get guilt tripped into trying. i do like her though...i am unsure how to proceed, i love my ex, but iv been in this situation before where i have been strung along and then dumped as soon as she got back with me (another ex, not this one) and iv really regretted going back. iv told my current ex that i will be there to support her when shes down becasue she needs to be supported, i can see that she does. I feel that we would work this time around because we do realise the mistakes we made and we get on really well - the history is there as well.what doyou guys think? how should i handle this situation?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 yeah i understand that it wouldnt feel so good at the moment but you are doing the right thing until you sort your head out and decide what or who you want in your life, goodluck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioniv told them both i need space and want to be single for a little while, they are both upset at me, the friend is upset because she thinks that my ex has got what she wants and stopped me and her from going out, the ex is upset because i dont want to talk to her for a while and that she now feels guilty for badgering me.
I hope iv done the right thing, it dosent feel great right now thoug
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (12 November 2010):
Ok if you love your ex then let this other girl go its not fair stringing her along as she is probably falling in love with you as we speak and you are going to leave her hurt the way your ex left you hurt, be straight with your friend and tell her how you feel, be clear that you still love your ex, yes a hard thing to do but its the right thing to do.
You are clearly not over your ex and whether you get back with her or not let this other girl go because you need time to clear your head you really do. First of have you spoke to your ex about her past behavior and asked her will it change? you need to get all of these things out in the open to see how she feels about them, also i believe a person will never fully change down the line you will probably find her getting in to old habits again, you both need to be clear about what you want.
Its sounds like this poor friend of yours is a back upplan in case your ex dumps you again, dont use her like that its unfair let her go now and find a man that is not in love with another girl and can give her 100% off his attention.
Conentrate on your life and making yourself happy if you think that to much has happened with your ex and it will never work then stay single for a while until you get over her and are feeling happy. goodluck.
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A
female
reader, Viv Acious +, writes (12 November 2010):
Hello.
So, what do we have here? Definitely a state of confusion and insecurity. So, there are two women in your life. One who you are greedily lapping up attention from and admit you love the attention. Are you lovers with this girl? Does she know she is helping you make a decision rather than helping you through heartache? There is a difference. There is also something called using - which would make you a user (doesn't sound too good when you put it like that, does it? Sorry to be harsh)
Relationships are made up of both a physical and an emotional side - hence, infidelity can be described as a physical or emotional intimacy that betrays the trust of a partner. This is why close friends of the opposite sex, chatsites and texting can end a relationship. You have an emotionally intimate relationship with your friend. She wants to be with you. So, what is stopping you?
Being in love with your ex? And what is stopping this relationship - fear of failure. You don't want to be duped and dumped. Wow...do you really want to pursue someone who you think COULD do this?
I think if you were genuinely in love the answer is you would be wih your ex - and nothing - exes, parents would get in your way - SOD them!
(Also, why does it have to either of them. Have you considered the option of leaving them both alone and finding someone else?)
My advice - take a look in the mirror, take a deep breath and say - for God's samke, pull yourself together and make a decision. Don't want to be strung along? What about your friend??
Best of luck to you.x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question- ps i also asked for no contact while i get over my hurt, she broke that saying she needed me and had a cry about work being too stressful etc.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni feel confused though,
she might just want me back because i have been talking to the new girl...my ex dumped me after i gave her, her birthday present, then she went on holiday and gave me one or two e-mails telling me how great her holiday is. and to be honest i was happier without the contact for a while ad this new girl made me happy - i wonder if my ex will change, she was quite selfish and pushy in our old relationship...right now my head and my heart are in conflict...
i dont want to lead either of them on, i want to explore the new girl - i have feelins for her, but the ex i still love.
sorry to miss out some of the details first time around, its hard to think about all of this and get it into tangable words
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (12 November 2010):
If you really want to get back with your ex then go for it but hiding it from her parents is not the way to go because they will find out and when they do they will just hate you even more for keeping it from them they deserve to know the truth they may give your girlfriend a hard time but it will die down and she has a right to see whoever she wants to.Go in to the relationship being open and honest. Stand by her and prove to her parents that they are wrong about you and that you are good for there daughter, maybe even sit down with them and ask them why they dont like you and if there is anything you can do.
Ok as for this other girl that is your friend, you need to slowely back away from her, ok so you are enjoying the attention who wouldnt but if you get back with your ex you are going to crush this girl and leave her hurt so you need to make it clear to her that you like her as a friend but that its your ex that you love dont lead her on for your own benefit, be straight and truthful with her.
Its good that you are willing to support your ex no matter what but you need to see that her other ex may just be a friend to her as well that cares about her and you cant stop her from seeing him because this will cause arguments between the both of you straight away you just need to trust her because if you dont trust her the relationship will never work. goodluck.
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