A
female
age
51-59,
*olly daydream
writes:Hi i met a guy 3 yrs ago and we did date for a few weeks,but never slept togeather.we did have a fall out when i got drunk one night,but then got to being friends again.Its allways been friends.BUT ive wanted to form a relationship with him..BUT been reluctant to bring it up as i liked his friendship and didnt want to rock the boat,so i never told him how i truly felt.SO i reamined friend swith this guy but went on to meetanother guy and hvae been with my partner 3 yrs..during this time ive met my friend once a yr to catch up and chat,he met a girl last yr and everything seemed to be ok...I often wondered if my friend did actually like me as more then a friend but never really dared ask.In the summer we met up for our usual meet up and THIS TIME i felt Something,i wanted to KISS/Sleep with the guy..But we didnt and arranged to meet again in the AUTUM which is now.MY Friend has told me he wants to sleep with me,im so happy at hearing this.BUT he doesnt want US to leave our partners as both of our PARTNERS have been hurt in the past and we are nice people and dont want to hurt our partners.WHICH IS TRUE..SO what do we do ?I have started comparing this guy to my current partner and know my partner is more caring for me then my friend,.My friend is used to living on his own and has allready said he willl NOT get Married or have someone move in with him...SO wy am i so attracted to my friend..why couldnt he of done this 3 yrs ago ..ive been waiting3 yrs for him(in a sense).ALL the signs are there that says this guy just wants sex as his relationship isnt fullfilling his needs..Or have i read it WRONG..is this guy just so protective over his feelings that he makes out hes a hard man well really deep down he wishes he had asked me 3 yrs ago and we were both too scared to say :/ help me pleasex
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (13 November 2010):
 There is obviously something deeply wrong with your current relationship if you are prepared to cheat on your partner. Your friend is just up for the thrill of a sexual encounter with you, it is a pure lust thing. He has been honest about his future prospect as a partner - he doesn't want the marriage thing. I think you cannot be friends with this man. At the point of attraction then it becomes awkward and filled with tension. If you sleep with him then you will lose him forever as a friend. You want to sleep with him because you are very bored with your current relationship and life. You see this as an opportunity for excitement. However, it will just be a tacky affair that won't lead anywhere good and you will both have to carry the secret of infidelity. I guess the sexual encounter would also be rather disappointing for you. The reason is that you have had a fantasy about this man for years...unless he is superman he probably won't live up to your imagination. I think you need to focus on your partner and identify what is wrong. If you think the relationship is doomed, leave him so he can find someone else. The same applies to you - maybe you need to find someone else who doesn't bore you (not your friend who will use you for sex). If you really want to make the relationship work then you need to have some open communication and changes in the way you relate to each other.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 You guys are so nice that you would gladly cheat on the people you don't want to hurt..
Apparently you don't have a problem with hurting them, you just have a problem with them knowing that they have been hurt.
I think you already know that the right thing to do, if you and your ex want to be together, would be first leaving your current partners then getting together. Which answers to "what do we do ".
But I think the real question is - does the "friend " is available for more than casual and secret encounters ? I think it's a resounding NO. He told you that he is not gonna leave his current partner and that even if he did he does not want to marry or to live with a woman. Of course
nobody can read his mind and know for sure what he thinks deep down, but a good way to go about things is to give up mind reading and stay with what it is : watching his ACTIONS. His actions say that he managed allright without you for 3 years, found another person, and expressed his interest in a relationship with you only AFTER he got with this other person , whom he is not going to leave. Enough to make you think, isn't it ?
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A
female
reader, Viv Acious +, writes (13 November 2010):
Hello.
Let's look at this.
You are in a relationship and this man is in a relationship. So, NO you should not sleep with each other.
The trouble is - both of you have already crossed a small line in the sand.
Of course this man just wants sex. He told you that he wants to have sex with you but he doesn't want either of you to leave your partners. Ok, so how would this work? You say you meet up once a year. So, are you going to meet up once a year for a shag? How would you feel if you do that? Do you think you'd be satisfied on having limited access to your lover? What about your ACTUAL partner.
Now, let's talk about your actual partner. Do you think you could do him a favour and treat him as if he is a human being rather some prop to your life? Whilst you're busy gazing up at the moon dreaming about your would-be lover, this man is probably under the illusion that you love him. (You do? Weighing up the pros and cons of having sex with another man is not act of love - i assure you).
The real issue here is your actual relationship. What on earth is going on there? If you're not happy - leave and both go your own ways and look for love and RESPECT somewhere else.
The very best of luck to you.x
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