A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi. Im feeling really muddled up and im looking for some help... If someone could please reply, i would be extremely appreciative and grateful...Recently i've been doing a lot for my girlfriend and sacrificing a lot to try to keep her happy. However she doesn't seem to recognise what I do for her... I attempt to hide all my negative feelings in order to keep her happy but she doesn't care for what I'm going through at all. She doesn't question how I am or what's going on in my life; in fact i have many complications right now that are driving me crazy. I dont know what to do... She doesn't appreciate me and instead focusses on the things i DON'T do rather than the things i do and she is sure to point them out to me.I have thought of leaving her but everytime itry, she suddenly holds on to me...I just wish she'd recognise my efforts without me telling her to... I'd hate for her to change because i told her to... Im also afraid of sounding like a 'massive girl' to her, even though im pretty sure I'm being one right now... I just have so much going on i don't know what to do... Thanks for reading... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, raiders  +, writes (23 November 2010):
 You don't feel understood, you feel taking advantage off, you feel neglected, you feel that your are putting 100% and receiving 50% back and to be honest these are all your feelings this is what you feel you can't expect her to know what you feel, she can only know what she feels, have you tried to explained to her how you feel?
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (23 November 2010):
 Tell her how you feel, it shouldn't be your job to keep her happy 24/7. A relationship is a partnership, she sounds very selfish and self centered. She holds onto you because she knows that if she does that, then you won't leave her and things will go back to the way they were.
IF you want things to change, then you are going to have to take that first step towards making a change.
SHe should tell you how good you are doing and she should care how you are feeling and how your days are going. So if you don't think she will change, then move on.
There are plenty of girls out there who aren't as selfish and will give you the love and respect you need.
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A
female
reader, Viv Acious  +, writes (23 November 2010):
Hello.Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. There are a few questions I'd like to ask and raise, if you don't mind.1. What are the good points about your relationship? Why are the two of you together at all? 2. What is it that you are sacrificing? Does she know what you are doing for her? If not, how can she recognise it and thank you for it?3. If she knows what you doing for her and she doesn't thank you ever, then it shows that she is an ungrateful person and a taker. Every taker needs a giver. If you are involved with a deeply selfish person then it not being a 'massive girl' to get pissed off and want out. If she is also constantly listing your faults to you, then it is someone who is actually running you down, which is really bullying. It is designed to undermine your confidence so they can feel better about themselves.4. You say you have tried to leave her but she hangs on. Well, the fact that you have tried to leave does suggests quite strongly that you are not happy, doesn't it?5. Be care, also, that you do not fall into self-pity. Sometimes people can suffer from a 'martyr complex'. Below I am going to list character traits of this complex. Not all traits need to be exhibited. I was wondering if you recognise yourself in ANY of the descriptions below?¦ You have the need to be a victim and complain always and relentlessly.¦You take little initiative in trying to fix any complaint.¦If any problem is solved, but in a different way than you proposed, the problem still exists, as far as you are concerned.¦If any problem is solved according to your solution, you will find another problem to complain about.¦If any problem is solved, it is because you complained about it.¦You complain about problems that do not concern you in the least.¦You do not appreciate any good things being done.¦You lie and twist facts to prove your point.¦You selectively forget, ignore or avoid any facts that may conflict with your point.¦ You resort to name-calling when everything else fails.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 November 2010):
 Well it sounds to me like your girlfriend is very selfish, you shouldnt need to tell her these things it should just come to her. If she truelly loved you she would be asking how you are, and helping you to deal with your issues as well as hers, but no she isnt doing that which to me says she is selfish and only cares about herself. You know am going to say that you need to get rid of her if you are not happy but something tells me you are not going to do that.
But hey look you need to look after yourself here as she isnt going to do it for you, so it really would be best if you broke up with her, took some time to heal and found someone that cares about you and deserves the attention that you are prepared to give them. Goodluck.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (23 November 2010):
 Can you give some examples of what you've done or sacrificed for her that you feel she should recognize without being told?
She isn't a mind reader, so if you're hiding how you're feeling- you can't exactly get upset at her for not questioning or digging deeper into how you're feeling...
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