A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This guy is a good friend of mine. He asked me out, I said no so we were just good friends even tho we flirt, I think he knows that I do like him but he means alot to me, and i cant risk losing him. I havent seen him in a year, we talked alot on facebook, on the phone once or twice.then he went on vacation leaving the country for a couple months and he didnt tell me, but I found out and I asked him about it he said he thought he told me. about a month before he left he blocked me on facebook and i thought it was for something personal (i know what it is i dont want to say it)but that could only be a month and ive been blocked for 4 months now. I thought maybe when he came back he would add me again but he didnt. he came back first week of november.I know all this stuff cuz a mutual friend on facebook, told me.maybe i annoyed him too much, or our relationship wasnt working, or i took things too far.I dont know what happened. I dont know if i should talk to him or not. I can ask my friend to ask him what happened but should i? i miss him, i just want my friend back. but is he even worth it
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): He fell in love with you, you turned him down, now he's broken off all contact to get over you. That's that.
It doesn't matter how much you want your friend back because he loves you and friendship would never be enough for him. So the best thing you can do is let him be. Maybe in future when he's fully over you he'll contact you. But the more you push this the less he'll want to see you.
He was most likely crushed when you turned him down, it seems to me like he was completely and utterly in love with you and the only way to heal that is to break off contact. If you really value and respect him you'll leave him alone to deal with his feelings. If you really want to be his friend then you'll do what he wishes and leave him alone. Only that will show him you respect him and he might come back in the future. It happens, it sucks but that's life. Being friends with someone you love and not being able to have them is soul destroying.
A
female
reader, Viv Acious  +, writes (15 November 2010):
Ok...
I would think that you are going to have to get the message. He has and is removing you from his life. You haven't seen him for a year, he has removed you from facebook. These are not acts of closeness, are they? They are acts of 'go away'.
Why? Well, I don't know what this personal thing you did but you seem to THINK it was powerful enough for him to remove you from his friend's list and it is also something you won't mention to an anonymous group of people (us). So, without knowing what happened, I can't really comment.
However, it is heart-breaking and humiliating when you are turned down by a close friend you have developed romantic feelings for. The advice I give to those in his situation is to put space betweeh the two of you. There is a tendency for those with the romantic feelings to live in hope that their friend will develop the same feelings and they just end up wasting their time and hurting themselves. Please try and see if from his point of view. When he developed romantic feelings for you, it was no longer just a friendship for him and you really can't just put the romantic genie back in the bottle when it has escaped. He needs to get over you romantically and one way is just to block all contact with that person or limit contact with that person.
From your POV, 'I miss my friend' - yes, that does happen and I am afraid that this one of the casualties of this type of situation.
However, I think you are just going to have to try and get the message. He doesn't want to be hurt or humiliated. He wants space. He doesn't want to be reminded of you. Leave him alone and move on.
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