A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been really infatuated with a guy whom I admire a lot. Since a few days, I have been thinking so much of him even when I am doing my studies, work, cooking- anything. It's limerence I guess though I am not extremely crazy as to end up doing anything foolish.I like him a lot and the worst thing is that he is a guy next door whom I get to meet/interact with at least once a week. It's sad to see him smiling at me or help me with something or walk me to the bus station at night when I know that I am head over heels with him. His attitude is confusing and it makes me feel that he likes me. I am almost sure that he visits my social networking profile everyday. But I don't want to lose a good relationship by messing it up. And I do have a great boy friend. I do long for this second guy to reciprocate my feelings secretly which is terrible when I know it won't happen. And it shouldn't.I feel annoyed and irritated when he leaves the town and I can't think of him talking to another girl. I don't want to sound like a teen. But its been happening. And its sick.IS there a way to get rid of these sickly romantic thoughts? It's a wonderful feeling but all the time killing. I love him but I love my boyfriend too. My BF has been with me through all the pains and pleasures of life that I can't sacrifice him for my foolish feelings for a new guy. I need to control myself. Please support. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI value all of ur answers.
Yes. I know this means doom. No. I am not going to talk to either of them and enhance the problem. Its not like my guy has anything lacking in him. But that the other guy is beautiful. He is a sweetheart and I'm just an ordinary person who falls for a nice altruistic man.
I know things can't work with us only because of my fondness for him. I do know that he likes me and can't suppress his dainty smile even when he looks like he doesn't want to.
So I learn that the heart can love one and admire another to the extent of loving him. Foolish heart.
I haven't much choice as our meetings can't be predicted.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): ~BE SELFLESS~
Be honest with the guy you are attracted to, informing him of your attraction to him but love and loyalty for and to your boyfriend. Equally important, decide to distance yourself from the guy and clearly emphasize to him that you will do this. Also, go to a quiet place and reevaluate your relationship with your boyfriend, being certain to pinpoint things about your relationship which might be lacking but are apparent in the association that you have with the guy you're finding yourself attracted to..and..once you discover such lackings perhaps you can discover things that you could do to have them evolve in your relationship. And important as well, have an honest talk with your boyfriend regarding this matter, being certain to assure him you still love him, desire only him, and would like for the two of you to be honest with one another about what the other would like more or involved in your relationship..and..make a commitment to meeting those needs.
Honesty is best even when it might hurt another initially, as in the end the party who tripped will gain more respect from the party initially hurt.
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A
female
reader, Viv Acious +, writes (14 November 2010):
Hello. Yup...you really are on the road to disaster. Not only have you cut your own car brakes but you are also heading straight over the edge of a cliff - forgetting the hostage you have tied and gagged in the boot of your car. It's your boyfriend. Remember him?So, you want to control these feelings? The fact is...why is there space for these feelings in the first place? So, what's going on with your relationship? Why aren't you fantasizing over your boyfriend? Are you 'In like' but not in love? Just comfortable and grateful.I think you should think about all the feelings mr fantasyman inspires and then think - why don't I feel these with my boyfriend? fantasyman is only highlighting what is absent. What would your relatioship with your boyfriend be like without this distraction? Dull but nice?Maybe it is time to look at your relationship as a mature, adult woman and treat your b/f as a mature, adult male and see if your relationship has legs. If not - say thank you and bye bye. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, logarixe  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 my advice? sit down with the guy in question, and tell him exactly how you feel. honesty usually solves problems like these. tell him that you do feel attracted to him, but you cannot act on your feelings because you are currently dating someone else. who knows? he could just be a nice guy who wants to be your friend-and if he walks you to bus stops, he sounds like a great friend. you might have to warn him that you might have to distance yourself from him to prevent temptation. if that doesn't work, I would suggest a schedule change so that you don't see him when you normally do, if that's at all possible.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): you are on a road to disaster, and will possibly lose both guys if you dont exercise some better judgement. You are being seriously irrational.
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