A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so how do I confront my boyfriend about a text that I found on his phone...well he has a password on it...The thing is I feel bad for going through his phone but I don't like what I saw. How do I talk to him? and how do I even start it...HELP PLEASE
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): Thank you all so much for the advice, it helps alot!
A
female
reader, Viv Acious  +, writes (16 November 2010):
When trust goes out the window - the relationship is heading towards disaster. It really is just a matter of when. Please take note that you have now entered into the orbit of planet deal-breaker. If he is cheating - immoral and a deal-breaker. Spying on your boyfriend - immoral and a potential deal-breaker.
You are now suspicious - not a healthy state of mind to be in especially in a loving relationship. Which means, this text is going to bug, bug, bug, you. What is it? What does it mean? How can I find out? It will dominate your thoughts.
What do you think he is going to say if you ask him? Seriously, take a minute and think about it. Unless that text is really damaging and there is no way to squirm out of its meaning or its intention, then he is going to explode. He will dismiss it, accuse you of being paranoid, be furious of you spying on him and he will hide his phone away good and proper (which will mean you won't be able to spy on him anymore).
If you decide that spying is the lesser evil than a potential betrayal then you are going to need a lot more evidence than one suspicious text before you confront him.
I have no idea what it was that you saw and I have no idea what inspired you to spy in the first place, however, please proceed with caution. Suspicion of a betrayal is not evidence of a betrayal. Proof of spying is evidence of a betrayal.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 November 2010):
 I believe I just answered your question but I'm guessing my advice wasn't what you're looking for. Still stand by what I said. There's no light way of asking this, if you ask he'll dump you or cause more problems than there already are in this relationship. No trust=no relationship.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (16 November 2010):
 You don't. And you quit being an untrusting snoop. Is it ok for him to violate your privacy and trust?
If you want to talk to him, be prepared to take some major blame for violating the trust of your relationship. Depending on the context of this mystery text, he may have violated it too. Ask yourself very seriously if your curiousity was worth it and if this text is worth possibly throwing your relationship away.
I don't care what the context of the text was. If you did this to me I'd dump you on the spot. If you don't trust your guy, then don't be with him.
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