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I feel what qualifies me, is the fact that I enjoy helping others. I feel as I am giving advice in DearCupid, I learn more about myself and it is good therapy for me. I have learned to be more cautious and selective when it comes to relationships. Ive made big mistakes by dimissing the white lies and ignoring the red flags early on in a relationship. I kept choosing to follow my heart, but should have chose to trust my intuition, which I have discovered has been right every time.
I am much wiser now, and I'm not jumping into another relationship. I am giving myself time and finding that I am happier on my own. I someday hope to find that one good person that completes my life.
I am single and live in southern California. I work for the state as a secretary. I fish in my spare time, and spend my evenings at the lake having a campfire under the stars with good friends. I work out at the gym regularly, and not only am I becoming physically stronger, I am also mentally and emotionally stronger.
My newest love is ice hockey and am a big Long Beach Ice Dog fan.
I am addicted!
What makes me tick? Seeing people happy, especially when I know it was me who put a smile on their face.
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Why am I doing all the work in our relationship?
Q. Hey, My Boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and I feel I am putting in all the effort. Last semester I was always the one going up to see him, cos he didnt want to come home, and that was fine. However now I can't go u...
A. 20 May 2006: It seems you know what you want and need out of the relationship.
Tell him he is neglecting you, and how it makes you feel. His actions, not his words, will be the deciding factor in regards to whether you choose to remain in the relation... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of four years won't propose!
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years won't propose with no apparant rationale for the delay. His younger sister just became engaged ahead of us to someone she has dated only one year. I specifically told him this scenario, if it came to pass, would upset me. I ...
A. 6 May 2006: If you feel ready for marriage, I would move on, because he isn't ready. It may open his eyes. But the only way you will know is to make it clear what you want from the relationship, let go of him, and get on with your life. If he doesn't come ... (read in full...)
Can a girl love a guy she has asked for a break from??
Q. My girlfriend recently asked me for a break to reasess the relationship and her feelings. We have been arguing alot lately.Is it because her feelings have changed and she doesnt love me anymore, or because she does but is just frustrated? Can a girl ...
A. 14 April 2006: I believe in some cases, there can still be love after a break up. Its hard not to have some sort of feelings, especially with years invested. I feel it is possible to love someone, but it doesn't necessarily mean you want to remain with them.
... (read in full...)
My wife accused me of having an affair (which I wasn't), but now it looks like she might have!
Q. Hello, I am currently in the Navy and am deployed a lot. The day returning from a 9 month deployment, my wife came to me, wanting a divorce, saying that she loved me but was not "in Love" with me anymore. She had found some things that made her ...
A. 14 April 2006: Before I even read the end of your letter, I felt she was the one having the affair. She was attempting to reverse the guilt on you, to make you feel you have done something wrong. Obviously you have not.
Everything was probably okay while yo... (read in full...)
I think he has lied about his ex and him being together when we were. What should I do?
Q. Hi, feeling a bit down and confused at the mo. I've been seeing my boyfriend now for 6 months and i guess we've actually formally been together for about 3, we were sort of just seeing eachother before then. around christmas time i found ...
A. 29 March 2006: If you are in a good, trusting relationship, you will have no doubts or fears about his love for you. You will not get that "weird" feeling, or feel paranoid or insecure.
Your letter describes a man who is insecure, and full of lies and dece... (read in full...)
Trust is an issue because he's lied to me several times. How do we build the trust again?
Q. my bf and i been together for 2 years on a long distance relationship. Trust had always been an issue. He had lied to me in several times and it has hurted me a lot; but I've been wanted to give it a try 'cause i love him. Now, he lives closer to ...
A. 28 March 2006: Once he has given you a reason to mistrust, it is hard to let go of that feeling. If you feel insecure in the relationship, you will continue to look for evidence that he is being unfaithful to you. Though he only has himself to blame, the your ... (read in full...)
He was so apologetic, but now he hasn't even called me back!
Q. Ok i wrote in yesterday about my boyfriend always putting his friends before me and our plans. now i have another problem.we spoke on the phone last night (he rang me by the way, i never gave in) and he was so appologetic and swearing he will never ...
A. 28 March 2006: Trust and believe in him, unless he gives you a reason not to. It sounds as if he likes you, but he is having a hard time telling you that he is struggling for some time apart.
Allow him some space to see his friends, and in the meantime... (read in full...)
On all his online profiles he lists himself as single!
Q. Hi, i'm a 20 years old and in need of some unbiased advice. My bf and i have been going out for 2 and half years, we're both in university. We only have small disagreements and i think that we still have a strong relationship. However the other day ...
A. 28 March 2006: If he was being honest and faithful to you, there would be nothing to find. So it doesn't matter how you found it, the issue is that you found it.
You may be the snooper, but he is the devious liar. It seems his dream is to be single. If I wer... (read in full...)
Should I try to win him back? Or just leave alone?
Q. Right now I am so confused. I had this boyfriend for about 11 months. Everything was good till he start becoming friends with this other girl. He recently broke up with me because we were arguing to much. He use to tell me that he loved me so much ...
A. 28 March 2006: If he truly loved you, he would be with you right now, and you would not feel any doubt about his love for you.
There is a good chance he is seeing this other girl. He isnt being honest about it, because guys do not like confrontation.
If y... (read in full...)
My ex bf and I are just friends but what's a good way to make him see..we could be more?
Q. My ex and I still keep in touch..what is a good way for us to stay friends and maybe make him see that he might want to be more than just friends in the future?...
A. 28 March 2006: I think if you can keep a friendship with your ex, that is great! But you cannot expect anything more than that. If something is meant to happen beyond being friends, it will happen naturally. So enjoy your friendship. It may help for you to see ... (read in full...)
Me and my bf broke up and he moved in with somebody else but then he rang me out the blue. Does he still care??
Q. I was with my boyfriend for seven years and we broke up several months ago. He decided to relocate back to his hometown. He met a girl soon after his arrival there and they are now living together. I was hurt by his departure and hurt by the fact ...
A. 26 March 2006: There is a good chance he cares and still loves you, since you had invested many years together. I think he jumped into another relationship to get over the pain of missing you, though he was in denial about his feelings for you and chose not to ... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend living over the other side of the world but I really care for him despite it all!!!
Q. I've been involved with the same man for about 8 months. We hit it off right away and jumped into a relationship from the beginning yet all along I knew he had a girlfriend living across the world. He downplayed the relationship which doesn't ...
A. 26 March 2006: I'm sure you feel in the back of your mind, if you tell him to make a choice, it may not be in your favor. But look at it this way, this guy is not a catch. So there will be no loss.
There are no excuses for what he is doing, he is cheating... (read in full...)
Is it right that my bf should spend some private time with his ex? How should I handle this?
Q. My boyfriend recently got in touch with his Ex. After they spent a day together, the Ex made the offer to my boyfriend that he could spend a week at the Ex's house so my boyfriend could visit his family. I wasn't invited. I told my boyfriend that I ...
A. 26 March 2006: You are right, he has no regards for your feelings. He should have conferred with you first, before he contacted his ex, to find out how you would feel. He is doing what he wants to do, and your opinion has no value to him.
You can't prevent ... (read in full...)
I want him so badly..but he won't leave his gf! What shoulld I do?
Q. Hi. i currently work at a firm and since i have started there i have liked the look of him, but i never took any action. anyway we had a works doo at christmas and we started talking and began to get closer as the night went on. i found out that he ...
A. 26 March 2006: He just wanted his ego stroked, and nothing more. He is taken, chasing after you because he loves the game, and lying to his girlfriend about where he is. He is sneaky and trying to see how much he can get away with, without being caught.
He is... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is studying real hard, I hardly ever see him? Anyone got any advice?
Q. I have been dating this guy for three months and we go to the same school but I only see him once in a while. He is a pre-med student and spends the majority of his time studying because he has really difficult classes. It makes me sad because I ...
A. 26 March 2006: It has to be something that you can deal with. Since the relationship is so new, it would be a good idea to talk about your expectations from each other, and see if you can meet in the middle somewhere. Let him know you understand that he is busy ... (read in full...)
I didn't realise how special she was... Until it was too late
Q. I'm 21, and six weeks ago had a fight with my girlfriend of two years in which we basically broke up. We had been so incredibly close for two years, living together for the whole of that time, doing everything together, sharing our lives. I love her ...
A. 26 March 2006: I think you have learned to appreciate her, and she has learned to let go. Sometimes it is best to walk away and not turn back. There are things that we sometimes regret, that are said and done, that can't be taken back.
One day you will fin... (read in full...)
He loved me and wanted me to move in.....until his ex came along!
Q. my boyfriends ex came back and wanted to get back with him...he assured me he loved me and didn't want her back. He then got really confused and said he didn't want either of us, he needs his space. before this happened we have been together for 2 ...
A. 8 March 2006: He is confused since his ex came back into the picture. It sounds like he may still have feelings for her. There is nothing you can do but give him the space he is asking for. If you try and pressure him into making a decision, you will most ... (read in full...)
After a month, how do I know if I really love him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a month now. We're both trying to take it slow, we've had bad relationships in the past and we both are trying to make this work and not make the mistakes we've made in our past relationships. WE want a ...
A. 8 March 2006: When you love someone, their feelings and needs come before your own. You miss them when you are apart. You give unselfishly, and you would be willing to let them go, if it meant they would be happier without you.
I feel that true love takes ti... (read in full...)
My hubby is getting nudie pics of women from a friend...
Q. my husband keeps recieving e-mails from a friend of naked woman in various poses,he hides this from me and it is making me feel insecure,we are in our late forties and he doesnt want to talk about anything with a sexual nature to me but has no ...
A. 8 March 2006: You have the right to your feelings, so I dont feel it is a matter of what is right or wrong about what your husband is doing. Your feelings are what matter, and you are obviously hurting.
My personal opinion is that it is wrong for your husband ... (read in full...)
Wanted: Your views on DearCupid.org
Q. Hi everyone Thought I would introduce myself. My name is Andrew and I'm the guy who runs this site... Yes, it is just a one-man-band! I'm looking for ideas on what new features to add to the site and want YOUR input. I am thinking of the ...
A. 8 March 2006: Hello Andrew,
There are many things I enjoy about your site, which is my favorite, by the way. I was curious about how long you have had this site, and to know a little more about you.
I like the fact that I can kept track of how many questio... (read in full...)
He was great... Until he dumped me for a better model. Should I get back in touch or will it be a headf**k?
Q. Ok, so my ex boyfriend was a great bf, until he dumped me for another girl (who i knew he liked)then lied about it. we haven't spoken since the night we broke up. we were on friend terms at the time, but that was when i believed that he was breaking ...
A. 8 March 2006: Keep in mind that he dumped you for another girl, and then lied about it. That should be enough to not allow him the honor of your friendship.
I am sorry to hear that you are depressed over someone who is so not worth your time or energy. ... (read in full...)
He's working away... How do I deal with my (almost) unfounded insecurities about his possible cheating?
Q. Ok, recently my husband took a new job(a little over 2 months now) and he has had to travel for it. The first two months he was home for maybe a month of that. And this morning he left again and will be gone til Friday. This has been very tough on ...
A. 8 March 2006: There are valid reasons why you are feeling these insecurities, they would not just come out of the blue. When you are feeling this way, it is your gut instinct and intuition trying to tell you something.
I feel that his profile in a dating s... (read in full...)
We argue constantly... About time spent together
Q. For the last couple of months my boyfriend and I have argued constantly. We both agree that we love each other and don't want to be apart but we've tried everything to stop arguing but nothing is working! We see each other twice a week and for me ...
A. 8 March 2006: Its pretty common to argue about time spent together, and how much time you should spend apart. The key to remember is that its not the quantity of time that should matter, it should be the quality.
With that said, you should come up with a s... (read in full...)
Should I be rid of him? Or am I over-reacting?
Q. should i get rid of him? i think this guy is messing me around. he tells me first that he likes me and i like him too. so yesterday we get together and he tells me he wants a relationship. so i said yes and then he text me yesterday saying that he ...
A. 8 March 2006: He is flakey, unstable, indecisive, and a game player. If you stop all communication with him, he will fade...the flakes always do.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has never said she loves me!
Q. Hi, Me and my girlfriend are both 19 and have been going out for 2 months now. I really love her and have told her many times. Though, she has never once said it back to me, which can get me down sometimes. I would jsut like to hear the three w...
A. 6 March 2006: I feel it takes time to truly love someone. So I would be leery of anyone who says it too quickly. You have only been together a few months, I feel you should give it more time.
In my opinion, yes it does take a woman longer to fall in love. B... (read in full...)
He broke up because we argued and had nothing in common. It's true, but then he said he'd regret the split!
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been with my ex for 1 year and 5 months; however two months ago he broke up with me because he said we had nothing in common and that we argued too much. Although this was true, I am very heart-broken. We argued a lot because of...
A. 6 March 2006: He doesn't sound like he wanted to be in a relationship. It seems that you were together out of habit more than anything else.
The way you describe the relationship, you sound like an old married couple. You are in need of a relation... (read in full...)
I don't feel the same way about my girlfriend any more. All we do is argue!
Q. I have been with me current partner for 2years now. I'm almost 19yrs old. Recently we have been constantly arguing and I don't enjoy spending much time with her. The trouble is, she is really caring and I do love her. I have also met a girl from ...
A. 6 March 2006: It all comes down to how much you love your current girlfriend, and value the relationship. This girl at work may seem appealing, and you will be tempted, especially when you are arguing in your current relationship.
You have a choice: to choo... (read in full...)
We had one big blow-up argument and split. Is there a chance he misses me and sees a future for us?
Q. i was with my ex boyfriend for 6 months, we were bestest friends, im 16 hes 17. my mum would pick him up from college, and hed be there when i got home from school, i stayed at his house every weekend, and in the holidays everynight, i was close to ...
A. 6 March 2006: There is a chance that you could be back together in the future. Its all about timing, and being at the right point in your lives.
But would you want someone back who jumped right in to another relationship with one of your friends? He aband... (read in full...)
She posts her pic on MySpace!
Q. I have had a terrible problem with jealousy since I started dating. I'm 22 now, a senior in college. My first relationship ended horribly, about a year and a half ago, because I was so jealous. I am in a similar situation now. I am very much into ...
A. 4 March 2006: If you are in a committed relationship, you wouldnt post pictures and have profiles on the internet, out of respect for the other person. I feel you have every reason to be jealous.
If she denies anything when you confront her, she is pushing ... (read in full...)
Found sexual conversations and emails on his computer
Q. My boyfriend and I moved in with each other a week after we began dating. We've been together for 4 months now and I can't imagine my life without him. I love him endlessly, but our relationship has very dramatic ups and downs. We are either ...
A. 10 February 2006: Regardless of how you found the emails, the fact remains that you found them. You did nothing wrong. The only thing you may be guilty of, is loving someone undeserving of your time or effort.
This is not normal behavior in a trusting, committe... (read in full...)
"I need my own space" What does this mean?
Q. What does "I need my own space" mean in the language of female!?...
A. 8 February 2006: I dont believe that anyone is "panicking". However, it is very typical when someone asks for "space" that they are feeling crowded, wanting their freedom, and ready to leave the relationship. Chances are that they are slowly weaning away, until ... (read in full...)
He says he is busy yet responds to friends and I feel hurt...
Q. How would you feel if you felt that your boyfriends work was taking priority in your long distance relationship, he can't answer personal phone call, and hardly send emails because he is so, so busy, but to his other friends, and family he sends ...
A. 8 February 2006: You dont feel important, because he isnt treating you like you are. You say you do not want to lose him, but really he is doing everything to lose you, and it appears he doesnt care.
Its all in the actions, not his words. If he is giving y... (read in full...)
She wanted a break...will we get back together again?
Q. My Girlfriend likes another guy, but i still like her, what do i do? My girlfriend of over 9 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We had the perfect relationship and we were always happy around each other. Then one day out of the blue she says...
A. 7 February 2006: This is most likely her way of letting you down easy, to avoid hurting you with the truth. Honesty is the decent thing to do, to let you know where you stand, instead of leading you on. Thats a sign she doesnt have any respect for your feelings, ... (read in full...)
The photos on her camera were pretty devastating. I left and haven't spoken to her in 3 days. Am I overreacting?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been in a serious relationship for 2 1/2 years now. I am going to be 30 and she is 23. We have all along talked about marriage, kids, our age difference, etc. It never really mattered. I was really careful in the 1st year ...
A. 5 February 2006: Going out with her friends, and doing things behind your back, is a sign that she is not mature enough, or ready for a fully committed relationship. She is not appreciative of you, nor does she show you the respect that you deserve.
I dont kno... (read in full...)
What do you think is the definition of Love?
Q. I was told this, do you believe this is love or the starting point of it. “mmmm I don’t know what the definition of love is, but it's a feeling that you get for someone. Sometimes you don’t really notice it is there. Like when the person you l...
A. 5 February 2006: The actual feeling that you get cannot be put into words. I can try to describe it as a warm feeling in your heart, when you look into each other's eyes.
There are different types of love, and I agree with everyone here, there is no greater ... (read in full...)
How do I move on?
Q. How do you move on after coming out of a relationship, when you love that someone who has left you so much its hurts!...
A. 4 February 2006: I do not envy you having to go thru heartache after being left by someone that you loved.
First, you need to realize that this person was not meant for you. Then you need to give yourself time to grieve. During that time, you will realize ... (read in full...)
Engaged and in love...but Im hearing about his dark side from his ex...who should I believe?
Q. ok, quite a long one here, but i really hope as many people as possible can help me on this! when i first met my fiance, it was lust at first sight. both of us had just finished from serious relationships and didnt want to get into anything heavy, b...
A. 4 February 2006: I dont know if it was such a good idea to contact the ex. There must have been alot of doubt for you to decide to get in touch with her. If you had trusted in this man, there would have been no incentive to do that.
There is a good chance t... (read in full...)
Why doesn't she take the hint that I want to break up?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for a year now but I've wanted to break up with her for months. She's very possessive and I feel she's smothering me. I have no time for myself, my family, my friends or school. All I ever do is spend time with her and ...
A. 4 February 2006: Being truthful and honest by telling her you no longer want to be with her. It will hurt her in the beginning, but in time she will respect you for being up front and honest. You are sacrificing your own hapiness in order to make her happy. Why ... (read in full...)
I've met the woman I know I want to spend my life with, and now I have to tell my wife...
Q. I am a 44 year old man. I have been with my wife for 25 years and we have four children - aged 23, 21, 16 and 15. The eldest are both in their own professions and lead happy and successful lives away from home. The two youngest at home with us. ...
A. 4 February 2006: In your letter, you seem to justify your reasons for cheating. You were unfaithful to your wife, she obviously forgave you, though it is morally wrong. I give her credit for staying with you through the tough times. And now you want to end it for ... (read in full...)
What are the signs that a guy wants to break up with you?
Q. What are some signs that a guy wants to break up with you? (What if he is scared to?) ...
A. 4 February 2006: When they give you less of their time,start going out with their friends, change their appearance and attitude, acting distant and secretive. You will start noticing changes in the way they act towards you, you will feel less important, and feel ... (read in full...)
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