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female
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anonymous
writes: my husband keeps recieving e-mails from a friend of naked woman in various poses,he hides this from me and it is making me feel insecure,we are in our late forties and he doesnt want to talk about anything with a sexual nature to me but has no problem with his friends.am i being silly getting upset by this.
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (9 March 2006):
 i am going to disagree with the other posters on this one, if these pics are upsetting you then he needs to stand up for you and tell his mates to back off with the pics, you are his wife for hecks sake! you come first ALWAYS!
he need to be a man and put you first.
the fact that hes hiding it from you is another concern , talk to him find out whats going on, then decide where both your priorities and boundaries lie
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2006): I agree with everyone that your husband probably has some decent reasons for not wanting to tell his friend to stop sending the pics. But that doesn't mean he has to look at them. If he knows the pics bother you, he can just delete the offensive emails without viewing the photos. That way he stays 'manly' in his friends eyes, but your feelings can be saved.
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (8 March 2006):
 Good advice from beentheredonethat, I will just add that some men like to share these pictures in the same way that some groups of men watch porn movies, never understood it myself but see no real harm in it except that you dont like it and it upsets you.
You could ask him to ask his friends to stop sending them but he is unlikely to do this as it means telling his mates you dont like them and they in turn may make fun of him.
So my advice is just to ignore them and dont look at them.
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A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (8 March 2006):
 I would not worry about it too much. (the pictures anyway) Boys will be idiots and if he were to tell his friend that he didn't want the pictures...his friend would tease him about being whipped or worse. All men want to fit in with their friends and cussing, spitting and naked women for men are like gossip, shopping, and soap operas for women...they may not have a purpose, but it makes you bond. This is of course provided that the naked chicks he's looking at are not bound horribly, twelve years old or living across the street. Those would all be reasons for concern.
Truly, I would be much more upset about the lack of sexual communication. (some men just feel their wives are ladies and it should never be spoken of to them) But that does not help you. I tell people that if you are not old enough to talk openly about sex and communicate your needs, you are not old enough to do it. This is true if you are 15 or 55. Women have been falling for this can't-talk-about-such-things stuff for ages...it has not served them very well.
I suggest you find some way of opening a line of communication. (that does not mean jump all over him about his little nude pictures or complaining about his attentions.) Find a safe subject and draw him out by asking him questions....let him play the expert. For example, you could purchase a book about the art of sex...a nice informative one like Dr. Ruth....read a passage to him and ask what he thinks of that statement? If he gets angry that you are reading such thrash...hehe...simply say that you just wanted to make sure you were pleasing him and wanted to learn. (he can't really be too mad that you want to please him)Bring up subjects that are not issues between you and he...it will give him a platform upon which he can gain some practice and become comfortable with the subject of sex. (at least talking to you about it) Then without being confrontational, ask him about his pictures and tell him you are a little afraid that he has lost some of his attraction to you. (Don't tell him he Can't look at them...will just make him feel embarassed and that will make him shut off from you) Tell him you are afraid you can't look as good as they do and that was why you were upset at first but you just want to understand how he feels. Tell him you are curious about trying a few new things and did not know where to start...what does He think?
If he feels a little communication is too much to ask...his problems are too deep for you to handle. Seek help. Hope this works for you.
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A
female
reader, StarNews +, writes (8 March 2006):
 You have the right to your feelings, so I dont feel it is a matter of what is right or wrong about what your husband is doing. Your feelings are what matter, and you are obviously hurting.
My personal opinion is that it is wrong for your husband to do this, especially if it is hurtful to you. Have you expressed to him how this makes you feel? You should tell him exactly what you are saying in your letter.
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