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male
,
anonymous
writes: I've been with my girlfriend for a year now but I've wanted to break up with her for months. She's very possessive and I feel she's smothering me. I have no time for myself, my family, my friends or school. All I ever do is spend time with her and if I don't she'll be hurt and get depressed about it (I don't want that happening because then she wants me to fix it by spending more time with her). I don't know how to end it. It's getting out of hand and she has way too many plans for the future. I've given her hints and I know she understands them, but she ignores them. How do I do it?
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female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (5 February 2006):
 I agree... if she cant take the hint, tell her...
You have too many plans for the future which I am not wanting to share with you.
You are too much for me.
I want to break up with you.
See? Easy!
A
female
reader, AuntyYasmin +, writes (5 February 2006):
Are you sure you want to break up with her and that by doing so you will feel better about school, friends etc?
Maybe you still want to be with her but she is being a bit too possessive with your time. If that's the case then.......
Sit her down and explain directly that you need more time for yourself, family and friends. Tell her you need to manage your time with everyone you love because its making you miserable. let her know that you care about her alot and love spending time with her, but for you to be happy, you need to have a life of your own. Its just natural. Tell her if you didn't want her, then you wouldn't have her in your life at all. Tell her she has to understand this from your point of view.
HOWEVER, if you do want to break up with her then.........
Tell her directly that you want to break up with her because you love her but are not in love with her anymore. it may sound mean, but its direct and doesn't lead her on. Tell her, there is someone out there that will feel exactly how she feels and who she will be so happy with because its unfair on her to pretend this relationship could work. A relationship can only work if two people really want it. Be as nice as you can, and answer anything she asks but be gentle with the truth and don't give her false hope.
I agree a clean split is better because otherwise she will keep hoping and you will hurt her when you start to meet other girls etc. It never works as just friends if somebody still obviously wants to be with the other person!
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2006): I think that you should let her go so that she can be with someone who truly cares for her, you might not like the smothering but be sure that there are many men out there who would love to be the center of this girls world. Is she really smothering you or are you afraid of getting close? You must really care/love her otherwise why would breaking up be so hard?
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A
female
reader, StarNews +, writes (4 February 2006):
 Being truthful and honest by telling her you no longer want to be with her. It will hurt her in the beginning, but in time she will respect you for being up front and honest. You are sacrificing your own hapiness in order to make her happy. Why drag it on when you are obviously miserable?
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (3 February 2006):
 Tell her [plain and simple] I WANT TO BREAK UP WITH YOU.
There she has got the message and you acn both move on.
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (3 February 2006):
 HI, well you have tried the hints and that did not work so you will just have to bite the bullet and tell her straight, as gently as possible.
Breaking up with someone is never easy and you should think about how you would feel if it was reversed, be sensitive but you need to be clear, no mixed messages and it is probably best to make a clean break not to try and stay friends as this just does not work.
Do it sooner rather than later for both your sakes as prolonging it is stringing her along as you are certain your relationship is going nowhere and she believes the opposite.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 February 2006):
 When you're breaking up with someone, you can't really do it by halves. That doesn't mean you have to be mean; naturally, you still want to be kind and sensitive about it, if it's at all possible.
Hinting around isn't working, is it? You have to be more direct, because it's really plain that your girlfriend wants you, big time, and she doesn't want to notice that you're not into her.
Take a deep cleansing breath and tell her that you're sorry, but the relationship isn't working for you any more. You don't feel the same way that you once did, and for that reason, it's unfair to both of you to try to stay a couple. Tell her that you haven't been happy for a while, and therefore you think it's best to end it. Tell her that, while you care about her feelings, you're not in love with her any more.
That's pretty much a definitive break-up statement, and she can't really miss the point.
She might want to draw you out and talk about it. That's your choice if you want to tell her all the awful details of why it's not working (I don't recommend it, because it tends to change the split into a fight over whose perceptions are correct), and go for the whole "try to remain friends" bit, which I think is a lot of hot air, personally.
The best thing is to keep it short and to the point, whilst being a gentle as you can.
I guarantee you that she won't like it (you can't really blame her), but she can't force you to remain her boyfriend, so after you've said your piece, you're pretty much done.
Good luck!
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