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male
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*endall2006
writes: Hello, I am currently in the Navy and am deployed a lot. The day returning from a 9 month deployment, my wife came to me, wanting a divorce, saying that she loved me but was not "in Love" with me anymore. She had found some things that made her believe that I was having an affair, and she stated that she wasn't upset like a wife should be, and she wasn't "in Love" with me. Then, I accidently came across some information leading to her having an affair. Any Ideas? Maybe seperation anxiety? Lonely? Out of that "in Love" feeling? I am so confused. Everything seemed to be OK until the day I came home. Thanks for any ideas or input.
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male
reader, Highland Help +, writes (15 April 2006):
 Kendall, I sent the first reply as anonymous. You are obvioulsy a good person and she is not and you need to walk away from this before it cause you more hurt and start again. Working in a job where you have to be away so much can cause great strains on relationships but that is no excuse for someone to betray their partner and cheat. You are obviously a good person or you would not have come on here looking for help.
A
female
reader, StarNews +, writes (14 April 2006):
 Before I even read the end of your letter, I felt she was the one having the affair. She was attempting to reverse the guilt on you, to make you feel you have done something wrong. Obviously you have not.
Everything was probably okay while you were gone, because she was able to continue her affair. And now that you have returned, she wants out of the marriage.
I dont feel there is any valid reason to cheat. You are trying to validate her reasons, because you are a good enough person, that you want the marriage to work.
I feel if a person wants out of the relationship for whatever reason, they should have the decency to tell the other person, and then get on with their lives.
She doesnt deserve you and you deserve to have a good life. If you stay in a relationship with someone like this, you may never find true hapiness.
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A
male
reader, Kendall2006 +, writes (14 April 2006):
Kendall2006 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter reading this again, I need to add some more information. We met and 7 weeks later she asked me to marry her. We have been together 19 months total, and have been together maybe 100 days. Everything seemed perfect until I returned home. I even flew her 5000 miles to see me and everything seemed perfect, but then later to find out she wanted to see if she was still "in love" with me, but talked on the phone with her boyfriend for most of the time she was with me "Me not knowing". She is definately hurt over her actions and cannot look me in the eyes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2006): well just look at this with ur two eyes wide open,If she told you she wants a divorce her mind is clearly made up.She wouldnt say this if it wasnt 100% in her mind while you were away .Im sorry to be harsh but if she said this the minute you came back then i dont think there is any hope here.Yes she could have met someone while you were away and wants to be with him .She cannot obviously have a far off relationship.My advice is to get on with your own life and meet someone who can put up with navy life accept the marriage is over .good luck with this.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2006): My heart goes out to you coming home to this. You definetly need to sit down together and talk this through like adults and find out if you have any chance. Will you be able to stay at home now or will you be away less in the future. I hope all is OK and you can work this out.
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