A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I'm going through a really rough time at the moment, and this teacher is so lovely and has been helping me through it, organizing councelors and just helping and stuff. One day when I had a breakdown in his class, he followed me out as I left the room, and he talked to me for a bit. Then he gave me a hug. I thought nothing of it, as he was just trying to comfort me and calm me down because I couldnt stop crying.Now I should probably mention that I already had a secret crush on this teacher.One day he offered me a lift to my councelors because i'd forgot my bus money and my parents didnt know I was seeing one. I accepted, and he took me home after as well. As I was about to leave the car, he kissed me. I didn't pull away though, I really enjoyed it.The next day things were really awkward, but after class we talked and stuff. Being to stupid person I am, I told him I liked him. He came over and whispered "I like you to." He has a wife too init.Things didn't really change, but we just started becoming more affectionate to each other when no one was around. We hugged once more, and it was so good. Like I didn't want to let go.Then one day after class we were trying to figure something out, because we both knew we couldn't continue like this.I was all like we have to sort this out, and he was like well lets do something about it right here, right now, and he kissed me again.I dunno what to do, because i REALLY like him, and he likes me too. I don't want to get him in trouble. I don't want to tell anyone, so what can I do to sort this out?I'm 15 btw, and he's about 30.He isn't particularly attractive, well I mean I didn't fall for him cause of looks, but i really like him because he seems to care about me, and he does, otherwise he wouldn't have gone to all the trouble for me that he has.I know I need to get over him and move on, but it's so hard when he always comes looking for me to talk to me and stuff.46 minutes ago
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): Can I just ask, what is the age of consent where you are from?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): Its weird because i went through the same thing i am the same age as you and i feel the same way about someone as you do for this techer of yours, a 30 year old man made out with me and i liked it, im not sure why, but i think its because i liked him ALOT before it happened.. he was always over at my house and we ALWAYS used to flirt and i still have very strong feeling for him.. nobody else likes him, they think he is gross and ugly but i like him alot!.. and when he kissed me on the staircase of my building, after 20 seconds i pulled away and said "oh my god, you're so crazy" and he said "yes i am, but im crazy for YOU".. you have no idea how that made me feel... my advice is just to talk to him and try to figure something out.. something that you can BOTH agree on ok? but talk to him seriously. as an ADULT.. NOT a dumb 15 year old that doent know what she wants... you might not know what you want but dont let him see that in your eyes, otheriwse he will REALLY want to take advantage of you.
im still crazy about this man but thats just me... he had the most lucious lips.. lol!.. but anyways follow my advice! trust me! i know what im talking about..
P.S for everybody who reads this and disagrees with me..... STOP HATIN'.
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A
male
reader, andy1995  +, writes (2 July 2010):
predators hide behind masks to try to make themselves look innocent you might not think it and think he nice but if he kissed you that makes him a PEDOPHILE period you reslly really need to talk to someone about this it is extremely serious
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male
reader, andy1995 +, writes (2 July 2010):
I really think you should get over him ask if you can move class and you need to tell a parent or the or your councellor because that age diffrence seems extremely serious dont take this the wrong way but he could be trying to lore you in and was this a tongue kiss
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): Hi. First of all, relax. This happens. You can find other cases just like yours.
Like the others said, he could be a predator, but maybe and probably not from what I've read. You are going through rough times. It feels like he came into your world when the rest of it left, right? He's always there for you. He hugs you when you need a hug. It's perfect. However ...
You are a minor. By continuing this, you need to just talk with him. If you feel like you can't, then you need to talk to your counselor about this. Because if you can't, that means you are uncomfortable around him in just some way. But you need to talk to him and tell him that this is wrong and you need to stop. I understand that it is very difficult because he is one person who you can depend on to be there for you, but if you don't, you won't see him because he'll be locked behind bars. And once he comes out, his career and rep will be ruined ... and you were the one who ruined it. I know, it's tough.
But you need to talk to him and tell him to lay off a bit OR at least (yes, I know others are going to hate me for this), just stop touching or kissing or whatever when others are around. It's all about perceptions. You are seen out of school with him, or even in school just hugging, and it's automatically, "He's a pedophile, blah blah blah." That's just how it is. No, you don't need to have sex with him (which he seems like he's not pushing) just for someone to say something, and then the school gets involved because there could potentially be lawsuits.
Also, even if your friends see you and him hugging, they will start spreading rumors or being stupid like that, and as soon as another teacher hears it (even if it's just a rumor), they have to report it and it still gets investigated.
It feels like there's no where to turn. Got it.
But really, you need to talk to him. He has a wife. Sorry, but he won't leave you for that. You can be his best friend, just not his second lover. That will never happen. Sorry to break that to you.
He wanted to help, still does, and he will. But everything inappropriate either needs to be stopped or toned down and not be seen.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): "A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010):
It sounds like your teacher is a lonely man stuck in a marriage with a neglectful wife......"
WOW, no wonder this world is in such a state as it it. we tell a 15 year old that her married teachers behaviour is justified! and you also give the kid sounding advise how to keep him!!!!!! THIS IS TOTALLY IRRESPONSIBLE and your answer should have gone through proper moderation. You are advising this girl to continue with a predator/an abuser?????
i have always said this on DC (yes, I am the female that has been taken to task for her 'rants') paedophiles are roaming our schools in the guise of teachers. Enough said!
To the OP, please listen to the advise dispensed by the responsible aunts here on DC. this teacher is taking advantage of you.
- he is your teacher so therefore, OFFLIMITS
- you are a minor
- your teacher is married
- your teacher has a fiduciary duty to protect and not harm his students.
- your emotions are all over the place right now. yes it feels nice to get some attention from an adult BUT he is using your emotional state to "basically groom you and then pounce" on you , if he hasn't done so already.
- how many other students has he 'abused" when he firstly shows some sort of "genuine concern", he gains the girls trusts, makes them feel safe and THEN HE POUNCES, good teacher that he is.
- realise this: we have been taught from an early age that the people most likely to abuse are the so called "good, nice" ones, almost never a stranger but perhaps a relative, family friend AND EVEN TEACHERS.
Please remember you are not alone. you should never be afraid to speak the truth. this man is using you, and slowly starting his "grooming" of his victim. This victim is you currently. And after he finishes with you he will move on to other unsuspecting girls who just want someone on their side and someone to show them that they care. this is the usual modis operandi. first a hug, then a kiss and then more feeling the girls up, never overstepping boundaries. then more feeling and then still maintaining that he cares for you, wants you to b happy and feel happy and then before you know it sex in some slimy place. hidden from prying eyes. does this sound familiar. please also remember that this man is married. perhaps he has kids. do you want to be known as a homewrecker? this is a reality and i know that no amount of me telling you to stop will make any sense.
YOU need to believe in yourself. you need to know that you are valuable and that you deserve a chance to make a difference. do not let this man steal your childhood, your dreams , your goals. you need to dream a dream and you hold on to it and you become an unsung hero to other girls facing the con artists in schools. ( the con artists, meaning the so called nice teachers who pretend to care, pretend to give a shit about you when their goal is to steal your precious virginity and your dreams)
YOU DESERVE BETTER than this. you believe it and you put a stop to him. NOW. Trust your instinct. you are never too young to listen to that voice that questions all the time. the fact that you wrote to DC means that you know something is amiss. Do not be a victim, choose to be a victor!
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A
female
reader, odeer123  +, writes (8 June 2010):
 Teachers are humans, just like everybody else, so they also have issues, just like everybody else. You may believe that your teacher is a good man - and he may well be at that - but he is stepping over the line and should realise that. A relationship between you and him isn't even legal - can you think why that is? It's no random law - it helps to prevent incidents like this happening - where a confused, or perverted teacher/adult preys on younger vulnerable people to satisfy their own needs - no one elses, JUST THEIRS.
I am sorry to say this because it seems as if you truly like him, but he needs your help. You can make sure he gets that help if you tell someone who you really trust about what happened, and then they can take it to the next level.
As someone else has already said, a normal male adult does not become sexually interested in a 15-year-old girl. They have too much self-respect and sense to do that.
HE NEEDS THAT SELF RESPECT AND DECENCY. He hasn't got it at the moment.
From personal experience I know what its like to fancy a teacher. I fancied one for over six years! It was wonderful - the butterflies in the stomache, the dizziness, the lingering glances...BUT - this would have been ruined if he had made a move on me. Sure, it would have felt like a miracle at first - I'm sure I would have been jumping for joy at the requited love. But after all that the love would have died. Can't you see that the main reason why you liked him in the first place was BECAUSE it was forbidden? It adds a mystery and excitement to it all - believe me it doesn't last!
Don't think all of a sudden its bad to fancy a teacher - they ARE people. Its a wonderful thing to fancy someone light-heartedly - it can be so fun and sometimes you can afford to be a little cheeky - BUT ONLY YOU. HE CAN'T DO WHAT YOU DO. He's and adult. You are a student. You are a child (I mean that in the literal sense that you are under 16). He can't afford to be doing what you're doing. As you said yourself, he has a wife!
Imagine. How would his wife feel after she found out about it? She used to be a girl like you once, with all the same feelings, all the same problems.
He will have made the biggest mistake of his life.
Take some responsibility, I know that you're going through a rough stage in your life, plus whatever other problems you are facing at the moment - this incident doesn't have to be one of them, because believe me, it IS a problem.
Do write back to me either on this page or on my page - it would be good to see how you get on, plus give you any more advice on what you need to do.
Yours sincerely,
Odeer123
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (8 June 2010):
 Great idea fem. anon.! Transfer to a new school wherein a fresh crop of unsuspecting children are free for the taking! Splendid idea! Now why didn't I think of that? I know, how's about: we just get rid if these pedophiles altogether-there is no cure for them, after all. Maybe we can just hope for the best?
Encouraging a minor to sustain a perverted relationship? I wouldn't be surprised to learn that you're a member of that glorious establishment called a teacher's union! Please.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): It sounds like your teacher is a lonely man stuck in a marriage with a neglectful wife. Still, he is married, and if anyone were to find out about the two of you, both of your lives would be wrecked, and you'd be forbidden to see each other. If you really love each other and want a life with him, the best thing you can do is to separate until you're legal. Even better, he should resign now, and transfer to another school. Then, in a few years, if you still feel the same way about each other, you can let nature take its course.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): Mmm, I guess. Thanks for the support guys.
It's going to be so hard to just walk away though, I see him everywhere all the time.
I love him so much. :(
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (5 June 2010):
Sweetie? YES, HE IS LIKE THAT. The fact that you're 15 and he's 30 tells me everything I need to know. You're a kid..he's not, that means he's a pedophile. period. Look me up in 10 years or so and let me know then, just how much you *really* understood back when you were 15 and this was going on. Even worse: when you're own 15yro daughter has a pedophile attempting to molest her, will you still be convinced that it's so harmless and no one else on this planet can possibly understand how really wonderful the pervert-under the guise of "helping her", -actually is?
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A
female
reader, mum45 +, writes (5 June 2010):
Maybe hes not a pervert but he s still off limits , he s a teacher and its illegal to have a relationship with a pupil, not forgetting he s married too, he could lose everything , it the truth came out, try and stay away from him, its a crush and it will pass , if you ignore it , good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): He's not like that though! :(
Like he's always been nice, and supportive, even before he knew anything was wrong with me. I know that he's not a perve or a pedophile or anything. Yes, I may be young, but I'm also old enough to understand, and I know for a fact he's not using me for sex.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (4 June 2010):
THIS IS A PREDATOR, honey. And PREDATORS take advantage of those who are weakened by injury or slowed down by difficulty.
You've stated that you're having a tough time right now and this PREDATOR knows it and is taking advantage of it! Like it or not, this PREDATOR really needs to be in trouble, tons of it. You need to tell someone right away. Tell one of your Counselors.
This man has absolutely NO business being physical with you for any reason. Period.
It just feels good to you right now because you obviously need support and someone to care for you during a tough time. Understand that he does NOT. A 30 yro man who is normal has no interest in a 15 yro girl. He's not trying to help you, honey. He's trying to molest you. Stay away from PREDATORS. Tell someone right away! Once he's done with you he'll go on to molest other girls. They always do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): Please tell someone. Once you left he will move on to the next school girl. He is not to be trusted.
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A
female
reader, SirHat  +, writes (4 June 2010):
 You need to go tell him it's over. Tell him that you are to young for him and he is married. Tell him that you are not emotionally ready to have this type of relationship with him. And you need to tell him that you do not want to be "the other woman". Then you need to ignore any advances he makes towards you no matter how difficult, or upsetting it is. you need to push him away. I would suggest changing schools if you can. You should also tell him you want him to leave you alone and that you should just maintain the teacher student relationship. That means no kissing, hugging or any other romantic activities. What he did WAS WRONG. He should NOT have kissed you. Although you should tell your parents or other care taker (another teacher or your counselor); I understand why you don't want to get him in trouble. But it is important to end this relationship before it goes any further.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): It doesn't matter if you liked or not. You feelings in this matter are utterly irrelevant.The law states that you cannot yet make your own decisions regarding this matter. You are not old enough to give consent of any kind.What he is doing is wrong on so many levels that are not visible to you yet.I understand this is difficult for you to accept. But you have no choice in the matter. Either you tell someone that you are being propositioned by a teacher (who is paid to TEACH not to seduce)... or you will spend the rest of your life haunted by it.There is no other way here. When you get old enough to understand this, you will feel sicked that the man who supposedly 'cares' for you didn't actually even care enough to do the right thing by you and back the hell off and offer a helping hand through the proper channels.He is a pervert and must face prosecution for his breach of ethics, morality, law and contract as a teacher.Flynn 24
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): i know he's not like that though. if you knew him you'd think the same as me, he's a very decent guy. it's my fault for letting it get this far. I didn't mind when he kissed me, i enjoyed it.
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A
male
reader, Hippieman182 +, writes (4 June 2010):
 In my opinion you should really tell someone about this because even though he may be 'nice' he tried it on with an underage girl. What do those people get called? yep, thats right. People like that prey on young people thats vulnerable thinking they can take advantage. But if you and others just let these things happen then next time it could be with another girl, and it could hell of a lot worse than your incident. i hope you've realized what you need to do. best of luck to you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): yeah you seriously need to let him know its crazy before something else happens. you need to stop and think right now, because you cant possibly think anything will happen in the relationship. its a guarantee that you are going to get hurt, or he will get fired. like stated in previous comments, a crush is okay but anything else is not when a teacher is involved. the best thing to do would be to talk to him and tell him it needs to stop. because as horrible as you might find the truth, it does.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (4 June 2010):
You don't want to get him in trouble because...you think he's nice? He tries to help you out? You need to realize that predators work by getting you to trust them and then they start to make their move. What's next? He'll invite you somewhere else where you can be alone and then he can rape you. It isn't just some innocent hug where he's trying to console you, he's taking advantage of you because he sees you as vulnerable. You're an easy target for him.
I suggest you avoid him at all costs and if anything like this happens again you need to tell. It's very inappropriate behavior of him. You're not an adult and you're not really mature enough to really see any of this--basically you're naive and you're totally seeing this in a different perspective than any adult would. There's no reason why a 30-year old man (married or not) should be trying to make the moves on a 15-year old girl. There's no reason why a teacher should be doing this with his students. You are kids. Kids go to school to be in a safe place where they should be able to trust their teachers; not be goped and kissed by them.
Find another teacher to confide in with whatever problems you seem to be having (preferably female). You may need to tell on your teacher, you may not be his first or his last.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): Sorry but it's ok to have a crush on your teacher but him going one step further is past the line and quite disgusting really at twice your age. He could get into a lot of trouble here and he is threatening his reputation as well as you, imagine how your parents would feel? imagine if he's doing that to other girls in your class? One thing is for certain that you need to speak out, if anything went further he could be in serious trouble for rape as you're under age!
like i say, have a crush on your teacher but someone wtih a wife and kids is not right for you at such a young age and you need to realise it's not only disgusting, but you could quite easily get taken advantage of.
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