A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so i dated this guy for maybe.....2 months. When we met we had an instant, phenominal conection. Like, its wierd to explain, it was like we had known each other all of our lives. Thing is....is that he's 18 and im 16....legally, we cant date. All was fine with my parents at first but when i stayed with him and some friends one night, my father called it all off. Now a week before this happened, me and him broke up because he was sad he never got to see me. Since he's in college and im in high school, it makes it super hard to see each other. So we handt really talked for the whole week and then i was at a friends house and we were bored so i invited him over and he brought a friend. I tried to keep it at a friend level but he kept finding excuses to put his arm around me or touch me, not in a sexual way, but in a more i guess sensual way if that makes sense. So then i ended up leaving with him and his friend to hang with them, when we got to the dorm, he grabbed me and took me to his room. we hugged and kissed and just laughed over how much we missed each other....i felt very relieved that he felt the same way. So when our kisses got a little more sexual, we both kind of got in the mood. A few shirts came off, but just when we were going to start actually having sex, he stopped and said that he didnt want our relationship to be based off of sex. He said that we should wait, and i was very shocked yet proud and it made me respect him a million times more.So we took a shower (together, where he was very gentle and caring) and snuggled up with each other and fell asleep. So later when he brought me home, i got caught and my father called it all off.I know i was wrong going off without permission and apologized..but i wasnt gonna get off that easily. My dads ex-wife (who has no guardianship over me whatsoever) went to the police and had them call him to warn him that he could go to jail for rape. Days later my dad called off all home restrictions and i told him the good news, he didnt seem to happy about it and didnt even tell me the police had called him. About a week later, i find out from the other guy that was there that the police called him and he was kind of "turned off by the whole situation" we talked about it but he wldnt tell me why he didnt tell me about it....when i had left the dorm, we were a couple again, but now we decided it was just best to try and be friends again. Now when i try to talk to him his answers are short, and most of the time he wont respond. If we actually are having a good conversation, and i ask something that connects back to us and how we used to be he wont respond. Im scared im losing him and dont know wat to do...i dont understand why he's acting this way...does he still have feeling for me? or does he just not care anymore? his friends say he's depressed but they dont know why.....and now when im finally getting the courage to confront him about it all, i dont know how to aproach the topic. Its been about a month and a half since the whole incident happened and i think that if we work at it and sit down with me father, we could talk it out. But i dont know if he wants to or not......help? im desperate.........i really have deep feeling for this guy
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female
reader, odeer123  +, writes (9 January 2010):
 Your relationship isn't legal? I thought sixteen was the age you can enter into sexual relationships.... In any case you need to start to guess what his problem is and maybe you'll get a response. Ask about the police. Ask about his feelings for you. Ask about whether your parents have given him a word or two. Ask him about everything that you are doubting.
Its possible your parents are hindering a relationship which could blossom into something so special it would last a lifetime - in any case they are just looking out for you but you need to make them aware of your feelings for him and your future plans.
I would suggest that these future plans should be along the lines of that you love him and he is struggling to keep the distance between you so you don't do anything you aren't allowed to do - but he's managing that! You haven't had intercourse, and it was he who enforced that you shouldn't in the first place. You want to stay with this guy, he cares for you, and you plan on waiting until you can have a proper relationship together.
You need to ensure your parents know that he is not all they made him out to be. They must realize that this young man has wonderful and special feelings for their daughter and he's willing to wait until your both ready. They need to see that they have hurt him in a way which could hinder your relationship - they called the police, and suggested rape, and this can destroy someone! Its no wonder you've had trouble talking with him lately. Plus he HASN'T raped you. He's done the opposite - actually loved you and not had intercourse.
Your parents need to see this, and YOU need to see things from your boyfriends perspective.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): K well first this guy really loves you and doesn't want to hurt you in anyway possible and second he does not want to get in crap for being with you and third if he told you that he wants to wait that means he respects that your not old enough yet and he wants to be as responsible as he can
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): I think he's just trying to do the right thing as he knows your relationship wouldn't be right, both from a legal viewpoint and because your father is against it. Also, it could be because it really hit home that he could get in ALOT of trouble for being with you.
All you can really do is give him some space and then treat him as more of a friend than boyfriend. At your age you have to respect your parent's wishes, and because you didn't it caused you a little more grief than you bargained for. I'm sorry, but maybe once you turn 18 you will be able to start things up with him again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): he defiantly has feelings for you. but understand how he feels. I am also a guy so i can relate to him a little better. If the police calls you and tells you that you can go to JAIL for RAPE, not only is that a turn off, but a complete relationship killer. The problem is with your parents. confront them about what they did and tell them how you felt about the guy. Calling the police is a little too over protective
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