A
female
age
30-35,
*oreverlove
writes:I'm 16 and the guy I fancy is 27. He's the best person ive ever met and I love him so much. We have both agreed that until I'm 18 we won't take the relationship and further. I have really big trust problems as so many relationships have gone bad. I do trust him though but at the same time I don't of that makes sense. Should I wait theses 2 years for him? And also how to I over come my trust issues and trust that when we are apart he's not with another girl? I know he isn't because he wouldn't hurt me like that, but my mind is saying stupid stuff that my exs did to me and this is why. Please help :) x
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, odeer123  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 To be quite honest with you, I find it hard to believe that 'so many relationships have gone bad' since your only sixteen, but if indeed you HAVE had lots of relationships, the reason they went 'bad' was probably BECAUSE of your age.
Even the fact that you use the term 'the guy I FANCY' rings alarm bells, but then again so does the throbbing fact that he's 27!!. Entering a relationship with a 27 year old (soon to be one year off 30 when you're 18) does not sound like a good idea, even if you do 'fancy' him.
I apologize if I'm sounding harsh, or blunt, but I would recommend against this relationship... afterall, after 2 years of waiting I have more doubt in the fact that you won't be the one to find someone else you like, rather than him. Most likely he has stronger feeling for you, than you do him.
I do believe you made a good choice in waiting two years though. At least this will give you a chance to either find someone else you prefer who closes the age gap, or atleast strenghthen your decision to stay with this other guy, as long as you're absolutely certain he's not using you and genuinly cares for you, and you care for him.
You MUST analyse your feelings for him, and his for your's. It's unfair on both of you otherwise to restrict your relations with other people over such a very long period of two years.
To draw upon the point of his age, it does concern me...It almost borders on paedophilia. You must also be wary- do check up on anything which may suggest alternative intentions on his part. He is very much older than you, and this kind of situation would strike anyone as odd, and worth inspection. At present, I wouldn't worry about your 'trust issues'. Trust is not required at the beginning of a relationship- infact it can be helpful to be somewhat suspicious incase issues arise which require attention before the relationship can develop.
TRUST is earned. You both need to earn eachothers trust- it shouldn't be there right from the beginning otherwise both parties could get away with things that they shouldn't get away with, because the other partner TRUSTS them not to do it.
Well, I hope I helped. Try not to be offended by my suggestion about paedophilia or insincere affection- all possibilities must be acounted for, and YOU ALSO must be open-minded and aware of them.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Hmm well the legal age is the uk is 16 so why are you both waiting until you are 18? Its a very long time to wait for someone and you will change in these two years and you will probably regret waiting around 2 years for this man as one or both of you may change by the end of it. Ok so it sounds like you are very insecure and am afraid you are not going to be in a happy relationship as you will come across as being clingy and needy. Its sad that so many people get cheated on as it does make them trust less people but you just need to get to know this guy really well and let him show you that he is decent and he wont do that to you, i know you have had bad experiences but hun not all men are like this in fact it was probably immature little boys that you dated that arent worth thinking about.
...............................
|
