A
male
age
51-59,
*lipse123
writes:I need help getting rid of a girl of a young girl in my life... This is causing me much stress and I don't know what to do.. Here is a little background...I'm in my mid 40s, been married for 20 years and have two teenage daughters. My wife and are busy with our careers and dont see each other as much as we'd like. She does not seem to be intrested in sex very much and i find my self not attracted to her as I used to be. Ive befriended a waitress and a restaruant that I frequent. Lets call her Lynne. She is a goregeous 19yr old student. I took her out to coffe once and thats when she told me about her money problems. So i started giving her money for small things like phone bill, gas, etc..i gave her a ride home from work one day, and she came on to me. I said no, but i couldnt resist, we had sex. Since then we have sex often, and I have fallen in love with her. I also started paying for all her expenses. Rent, car insurance, phone, etc.I realized that this is not healthy. Despite our problems, I love my wife and family and could not bare the thought of losing them. I told Lynne that I couldnt see her anymore, and that I have to stop paying for her expenses. She seemed to be fine with it. I thought it was over.She would call me and desperatly ask me for money for bills.. and everytime i cant say no to her. Her voice and even the way she looks at me can get me to do whatever she wants. We still have sex and everytime i tell myself it will be the last time.. but sex with lynne is so incredible, that i always keep going back to her. I cant stop thinking about her, and she knows she has me in the palm of her hand. My finances are taking a hit, I am spending thosands of dollars a month on her and its only a matter of time before my wife finds out. Any advice would be appreciated.. I realized that i have made a huge mistake by getting into something with Lynne... Its as if I am addicted to her, and i need to break this addiction.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): oh you poor clueless man. I read your follow up. You think this girl cares? If you were penniless this girl would swiftly exit your life. For all you know the girl may even have a younger lover on the side. You are being duped and you cant see it. Once your money stops the girl will easily move on to her next target. Your wife is your first loyalty. Tell your wife. Allow some respect to the mother of your children. This humiliating secret will destroy your marriage and hurt your children. Resolve it. Dont keep the lifeline available to your girlfriend. Stop the money and you will find out that you are a line of credit only to this girl. Stop the money and she will stop the 'affection??'. You would be far better to attend counselling to find out the issues that led you down this path. If you were in a business with a business partner who lied and cheated you then you would label him as him as an unscrupulous unprincipled scoundrel. You are solving nothing by continuing to pay this girl and by continuing the affair.
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female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 Tell your wife what is going on. I'm sure when you try to "rid" yourself of Lynn she will either threaten or she will actually go to your wife and tell her what's going on. So you need to tell your wife. It sounds like you don't want to be with your wife. Addiction? Why are you so addicted? Perhaps you should examine that? Not judging.Get rid of her. Tell your wife. Stop paying for the gold diggers expenses and move on. Try to keep your dick in your pants.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): If Lynn loved you then she would respect your wishes and stop calling and asking for money. Lynn is nothing but trouble and if your wife finds out your life will be over. Stop all contact with Lynn. don't answer any of her calls and don't go to her work. She will finally see you are done with her after awhile. and she will stop trying to contact you.
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female
reader, odeer123  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 I have to say that Slimfish has given it to you as straight as it can be fairly stated.
Man, you got some issues. You're being lazy. Why do I say this? Your not happy with your current relationship so you took someone else as a substitute for what you're lacking. LIFE ISN'T ABOUT TAKING THE EASY ROAD- then its just plain boring! Work hard with what you've got and make it work! Get rid of this girl... but be fair about it- you've pulled your own wieght with this mutation of a relationship. SHE uses YOU for money- gives you sex and 'emotional affection' in return. Anyone who can feel a true sense of caring and love has too much self-respect and virtues to go ahead with what you guys have done. This is UNFAIR on your wife and kids... KIDS: "Daddy's got a prostitute?", MUM: "Well, yes, but its a special kind..."
SEE THE PICTURE? ITS WRONG.
You know what to do. You know whats wrong. You know whats right. You also know what has to happen in order to stop the wrong and make the right.
This girl is not worth the life you have been working on for so much time. Despite your question, you've portrayed to us cupiders more problems than you've actually addressed. Why are you asking us how to get rid of a young girl and not asking us how to help your relationship with your wife or increase the amount of time you spend together, or better you sexual relations with her? THOSE ARE THE QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD BE ASKING. You obviously HAVE those problems. Why are you just trying to get out of the harsh light, so you're not going to be 'told off' by your wife? You need to be thinking about why it hasn't been working for you, and whose fault it is (but to be honest its pretty obvious in my eyes).
So, I expect you to be asking those questions.
Back to your actual Q...
Quit procrastinating, quit the lie, live life how it should be lived. Its a challenge to overcome- don't be pulled under by the obstacles which shove themselves into your path- sweep them away. Ignore her attempts at engaging your sympathy in order for finances.
Stop with the outflow of money.
Stop the sex.
Stop the affection (unless its directed at a more deserving audience).
Stop the contact.
And that my friend, answers your question.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): Too be honest i think karma is catching up with you. Maybe you should have thought about that before cheating on your wife who you claim to love. It's not as though you had a drunken one night stand, this is a full blown affair with someone young enough to be your daughter. I just hope your kids don't find out for their sake. You honestly think this 19 year old is with you for your charmimg personality? Get real! The moment you stop giving her hand outs you'll see her real feelings trust me on that. I would say good luck but i don't think you deserve it.
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male
reader, soon567 +, writes (30 October 2010):
I became upset while reading your advice but calmed after I read your follow up. Its looked to me that she was up front about things. Only she knows how she feels, but I doubt she has no feeling for a man basically is a boyfriend/husband to her. To just cut her off is harsh and isn't right or what a man should do. I bet she would have a good legal case.
I think you two need to create her a budget and help her become independent of you. You choose to go to her now you want to think of your wife? What about the one you have on the side there. Do you honest believe you have no obligations to her? To say I am done or I am happy with my wife so your services is no longer wanted or needed is totally wrong.
Your family is your business. She had nothing to do with you straying, therefore, you need to take care of both of your homes and if I was her, I would seek out a lawyer to have the court settle this matter. Your wife will understand.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (28 October 2010):
 How much longer you going to drag out this affair? This Lynne isn't dumb she knows what she's doing. Your wife will find out when she looks at the bank statements so if you're not going to come clean you better have a lie that pans out. WIthin time she will catch you and those results will be much worse than Lynne calling you begging for a dime.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): I hope things work out for you mate. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): Are you sure this Lynne user WILL tell your wife, and is not calling your bluff to keep you paying up?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): Se has you hook ined and sinkered. Your on to a loser. She's not stupid. the minuite you start ' paying less' she will withdraw emotionally,you will then scared, and start paying up again. She's had you over good and proper. Your wife will find out eventually - she wil leave you, and you;ll end up paying for sex with lynne, because effectively, that's what your doing now. No one can help you on this site.. you;ve gone to far. good luck. your gonna'need it, because that woman is going to have the shrit off your back, then throw you out with the garbage when she get's fed up. If you cannot find the strength to end this now - your f***d.
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male
reader, clipse123 +, writes (28 October 2010):
clipse123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the suggestions and advice. I sense some hostility towards me with some of the answers. I just want to clear things up, my relationship with Lynne is more than just sexual. We spend time with each other, go out, talk, and connect on an emotional level as well. We have made a connection and its more than just sex. Sometimes we would just sit and cuddle all night, no sex at all.Anyways.. I don't think I will tell my wife. I know it will be worse if she finds out from someone else, but I just cant risk it. I'm set to talk to Lynne about things tommroow. I think she knows whats going on... I cant tell her that I have no more money becasue she knows what I do for a living and it is obvious that I am not broke... I think I will stop paying for the big things.. and only pay for her llittle things.. then slowly work my way down to paying zero... this way it wont be too jarring for her.. is this a good idea? She wants to meet at her apartment.. i am kind of wary of doing that.. I am trying to get her to meet me in a public place.. Ill let keep you all updated.. any more thoughts, suggestions, help is welcome.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): Do keep us posted on your situation. I'm curious how this will end. Una good way I hope.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): I have to agree that he is the more mature one, and should have known better. That said, the predicament WILL have an outcome. The obvious one that it should be is this girl needs to go away. You need to cut off all ties. How do you know she doesn't do this with 5 or 10 guys too, and she is fattening her accounts while working a shit job as a cover? It happens more than you know.
I'm not going to tell you to tell your wife. It would be the honest thing to do, but that is for you to decide. I agree, it would make you look like a complete ass if she found out from someone else, but you need to concentrate on the problem of this girl first. Tell her you are out of money and cant pay anymore. Tell her you are moving on, and suggest she does too. Move if you have to, and can. Don't assume this will be a sequel to Fatal Attraction...movies dont depict real life. Chances are, if she's too weak to fend for herself, she will probably not be clever enough to corner you. Although that doesn't prevent her from picking up the phone...but that is a risk you may have to take.
1. Get rid of girl...and I mean RID
2. Fix your marriage...or leave it if you are unhappy.
3. Tell your wife when/if the time is right. You dont want to carry this to your grave.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): In mathamatics they have equations. There are a set of numbers to manipulate and solve the equation that when performed on one side of the equal sign, they will and must have a proportional effect on the other.
You have been a busy boy on the left side. Now it is time for the right one to catch up.
You are not the first guy to follow his penis into a blind ally only to be stranded alone with no direction home.
Not judging. You called the tune. You must pay the piper.
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (27 October 2010):
 I agree with @Anonymous123, labelling the woman here is hardly fair when our OP has pretty much let himself get into the situation he is in.
Those who dig their own graves generally have to lie in them. Confess to your wife before someone else tells her.She may forgive you or she may leave you, but if you wait for her to find out, start preparing for what may be a messy divorce.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): you are in mess!!!!!
I have experinced the same thing, tell her to find a BF and man stop using her
you are using her for sex and she is for money...
I dont know if she had true feelings but you should stay away from her considering your wife and two teenage daughters.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 I dont get it...why is the girl being referred to as a "whore" and "trash" and things like that? Why blame the girl when the man himself goes to her as and when he fancies?
You have had your cake and want to eat it too?? Now that the fun and frolic is over, time to head back home? If only life were that simple!! Yes she has you in the palm of her hand, but you happily put yourself there!! Now what?? Come clean, thats it! You cant add and eliminate people from your life as and when you want. In any case, Lynne will never let you get away easily, and it seems from your post, that the "addiction" is too strong for u to get over too.
Only you can break this addiction. Own up to your wife before she gets to know about this from someone else. You have made a mistake, but please learn from it and make amends. Be the best husband that you can from now on, but only if your wife decides to give you another chance. Its unlikely, but you never know. But for all this to happen, you HAVE TO end this affair and never look back. You cant hide from anyone...not Lynne, not your wife. You have to face both these women and take a clear stand.
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male
reader, Nithyanala  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 You can't get 'rid' of her. She's going to be around and if you break it off with her she's very likely to go and rat you out to your wife. On the other hand your wife will find out anyway if she goes through your bank statements, right?
You've let yourself be used, my friend. This girl knew what it would take to get money from you and has been doing exactly that. As long as she could get it sweetly she did that. If you try to drop her she may threaten blackmail.
The best option I can think of is to come clean to your wife and face the consequences. It's better than her finding out from someone else or on her own. (Not much better but marginally).
Alternately you could try to make her go away by showing you really don't have any money to give her. If she is a gold-digger she'll look for another sugar daddy and leave you alone. That done, you can hope your wife never finds out.
It's vaguely possible (very very vaguely) that Lynne is someone who genuinely needed money and does like you. In that case she will go away if you explain matters to her. Don't count on it though. Evidence points against it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): Ha ha, If you want to get rid of your lover just keep your willy in your pants.i must hand it to your young lover- she is clever, she is not giving it away for nothing. so darling, she is your prostitute and you pay for her as one. so be the old fool and pay up every time she opens her legs. you are not addicted to her. you are just a greedy *astard who has gotten away with fooling your wife. do you think you are the only sugar daddy your waitress lover has? you are paying for the goods and well, your waitress lover has her head screwed on properly making you pay for the use of her body.i hope your wife gets wind of this waitress and then shows you what stress is all about. only a matter of time before you are not a happily married man of 20 years. Oh wait, you are not happily married............to the other aunts, i will not add anything else. you have hit it on the head....trading sex for money.....now why couldnt the OP see this........guess we know which part of his anatomy he has been thinking with!!!!LoveGirl
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): Hide the bunny and the stew pot... this woman could go wako on you (or your wife). Basically, you have seriously screwed up and need to do what ever you can to make this go away. Throwing money at her is a short term fix and she's likely to come back when she's blown through the cash.
If your wife is likely to forgive you, you might consider confessing before little miss tramp comes knocking on your door. Immigration might be a good idea...
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female
reader, Miss.Me +, writes (27 October 2010):
 It sounds like this girl "Lynne" is with you just for the money. She came on to you because she knew she could hook you with sex. This is absolutely not love; you are being used.
Decide once and for all to STOP LETTING HER CONTROL YOU. Either stop contact with her cold turkey, or let her know why you're cutting contact. She needs to know that you're a married man whose *family* deserves all the finances you're spending on her. You said sex with her is incredible. How about you try achieving incredible sex with your wife?
From your question we can tell that you honestly want to go back to your family and stop this foolishness. In order to do that, YOU NEED TO FORGET ABOUT THIS OTHER GIRL LYNNE. No matter what looks she gives or what she says or does, don't let her affect you. Realize that as soon as you stop spending money on her she'll leave you with no regard to you or your feelings.
You might want to have a talk with your wife about this. Maybe spare some of the details, but let her know what's going on. That way you'll be more empowered to cut Lynne out of your life. I hope your wife will be understanding and welcome your apology and desire to make things even better than before between the both of you.
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female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (27 October 2010):
 What did you do? Just toss the red flags aside on this one? First, she is 19! What would a 19 year old girl (who has money problems) want with a mid40 man? Let's see...oh, I know! Money!
Second, how is cheating the answer to your problems with how YOU feel about your wife? Oh, yeah, it's not the answer!
And finally, third, have you talked to your wife about how you feel? Sometimes...ok, all the time...talking goes a long way. Communication is the key in any healthy relationship.
Please, please, please write back when you chose one of these women. I really want to know what the 19 year old does and how your wife found out about you. And trust me, she will find out. Maybe not right away, but it's like a 6th sense with us women.
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male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 well you have made your bed and now must lie in it.
choice-1. leave your wife, ruin her life, loose the respect of your kids, ruin their lives, have no money for the rest of your life, loose you house and car...etc, etc. move in with the girl and have her leave when the sh#t hits the fan and the money runs dry.
choice-2. get rid of the girl
what ever will you choose?......der!.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): Well, I'm glad I'm not you. An affair would be bad enough, but this arrangement with the financial involvement is something else as you have what is referred to as a "kept woman" in addition to your wife.
Stop the involvement with the other woman. Write a letter to your wife and detail the entire thing, all the money spent, all the involvement periods, and give it to her on the day that you break off from the other woman completely, because the other woman may very well call your wife.
Get a counselor, for you and your wife to see together. Tell your wife everything...and I do mean everything.
You will probably end up divorced, but maybe not.
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 this girl is trading sex for money and she is simply that- a prostitute, who is financially crippling you and destroying your marriage. i suggest cut all contact with her and get some self control or go on like you are now and watch your money and family go down the drain like yesterdays gravy...
you decide
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female
reader, natmarie +, writes (27 October 2010):
 Tow chocies. Lynn, or your family. Get out now. Please.
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female
reader, h20gal +, writes (26 October 2010):
 Oh, I can't wait to see the fall out on this nuclear war...keep in touch, this should be entertaining ;-)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): This only has the potential from going from bad to horrible. I am talking not only about your family being ruined, but your finances too. This girl is basically whoring herself out to you, so you're acting like a jon or sugar daddy. She has no love for you, but you're easy money and a sucker. Now I am assuming you don't want to get caught which is just as sleazy as cheating on your wife with a gold digger but thats on your conscience not mine. So your only hope is to basically be a politician, and slowly work your way out of it. Make the communication less frequent, give her smaller amounts of money and work your way down to zero. Say you're facing money problems or something so she will feel bad about asking. And since she doesn't care about you she will find the next creep. I almost hope it doesn't work out for you because you're creepy but thats how I would do it.
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female
reader, PinkRose  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 I am going to be harsh so you can wake up and smell the roses. Are you an idiot? What you feel for this girl is not love it is sexual desire and you are also addicted to feeling wanted. Don't be a dumb old guy. All she wants from you is money...........your wife has given you 20 years of her life and has given birth to your children and you are throwing that away for a piece of young golddigging ass? Stop going to that particular restaurant, erase her phone number and email, don't take her calls and just disapear out of her stupid selfish life. This girl knows you are married yet she is willing to break up your marriage as long as you pay her bils..............NO RESPECT...........she needs to work to pay her bills like the rest of us and maybe start spending withing her limits if she doesn't make too much money!
DUMP HER...............SHE'S TRASH..............!
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 October 2010):
You don't have much time before your wife finds out..You got yourself in this mess, and you're the only one who get yourself out. You're going to have to tell your wife as soon as possible, before she catches you, or Lynne tells your wife. What you're doing is having an affair with Lynne because your sex life is lacking in your marriage so you're seeking it elsewhere. Tell Lynne you will not be seeing her anymore, proceed to change your number or block her number from your phone. If she needs money that bad she should get a second job or take extra hours at the restaurant. Don't eat at that restaurant anymore, find a new joint. And make more of an effort to have a sex life with your wife, otherwise you will stray again. Tell her of your indiscretion and why you strayed, let her know you want to work it out, and need be seek marriage counseling. If you loved your wife, and want to keep your life you're going to have to get rid of Lynne. Stay with her and you're going to lose what you have. You'll gain a gold digging 19 year old who is great in the sack. Better get rid of her quick.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): oh, your wife WILL find out, and when she does, the fireworks will be seen clear down here in the US. The little girl you are fooling around on will high-tail it right out of there, and you will be standing there with your $%^^& in your hand, financially ruined with nothing but a blast zone of burning earth around you remaining after the bomb of your life exploded. Good luck, and try to keep that zipper shut in the future...
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