A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have just had my divorce finalised to my husband of twenty years. We divorced as he had an affair for a few months with a 20 year old prostitute. He finished it after we split. Problem is that a few days ago we started being friendly to one another but one thing led to another and we slept with each other. Afterwards he told me that he's still in love with me and i feel the same way but i told him that i needed to think before entering a relationship with him again (he admitted that he wanted to get back with me). He said that he'll never cheat on me again but how do i know that his affair was a one off?
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female
reader, Keria +, writes (1 May 2007):
I know many disagree, but you really can love a person and have sex with someone else. Not everyone associates sex with being in love with the person you are having sex with, and not loving any other person. There are many reasons for a partner to "cheat" on another.
At any rate, to directly answer your question, well, you never can know. You likely didn't think he would in the first place and he did, so even if you think he wouldn't now, he still could. The only way you can be completely sure is to lock him up in the house and don't let him out, and don't let anyone else in. He may never ever do it again, but all I'm saying is there is no way for you to KNOW that.
But whatever happens, please keep in mind that he can still love you. I don't know the situation, but sex outside of marriage is no guarantee that the "cheater" does not love the other partner.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2007): You don't know if this was a 'one off'..plain and simple. You never will know...it may or may not happen again. Let me ask you something: Why should you trust your husband after what he did to you? Do you have any reason to believe he has gone through a huge, life changing transformation and he is a different man..a more trustworthy, loyal guy? Or is he the same guy who screwed another woman behind your back for a few months? You know him best, is he the same guy, deep in his mind, in the depth of his personality? What has he done, other than stop sleeping with his mistress, to repair the wounds in the relationship and to your heart? What from you’ve said, not a whole heck of a lot. Dear, proceed with caution, love blinds us to red flags. You may be just going by his words...what about his actions and behaviors? He betrayed you. He's the one who broke your trust. It’s his job to earn back your trust. If you do decide to to try this again...you lay down some hard and fast boundaries and be prepared to follow through, should he go back to his 'old habits'. Tell him you want to start anew but you want to build this marriage again based on a whole set of new values. One of those values..we remain true to each other, no matter and we head off challenges and discuss problems together. Good luck dear and I wish you all the happiness in the world.
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