A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hey there my patner and i have been together for 6years.we have just got the internet and i have found out that he has been talking to this"lesbian" who after 2 days of talking went into where he worked and gave him her mobile number.apparently she has a girlfriend but im not sure.the thing is hes good at lying and he never tells me anything i find out from other people.i asked him for his password to his emails ect as he knows mine but he says he wont give it to me as its a good password and its the last thing of his i havnt got ie i have his bankcard and open his post. i just dont know what to do,should i trust him or not?should he give me his password? i just need some advice please help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Keria +, writes (3 May 2007):
Give the man a little space unless you want to drive him away.
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (3 May 2007):
 I can partly understand what cd206 is saying as privacy is something we all need from time to time and I know that having his bank details and being able to open his post is extremely trusting.
However, the internet is an extremely weird place and yes all sorts of things go on. If this woman is a lesbian that he has been talking to why did she go into his work to give him her mobile number?
I have to say how did you find out that he was talking to this woman and how did you find out she had gone into his work. Did he openly tell you or did you find out from someone else?
You say he is good at lying, why has something happened before and that is why you are behaving like the relationship police here? I don't mean any offence when I say that but there is obviously more to this than you have explained.
I do want to help in any way I can but if trust has been broken in the past it can make you extremely suspicious and it can drive me mad, believe me I know from experience.
There are two ways to look at this, why should he give you his password so you can know exactly what is going on, it could be completely innocent but on the other hand if you did have it then you get access to everything and who knows what you might find out.
This woman could be bi-sexual and does already have a girlfriend and they have talked online and could be arranging anything - on the other hand it could all be innocent and he just talks to her.
It does seem a little suspicious though that he has given her his work address and he now has her mobile number, if it as innocent as it is supposed to be and only an online acquaintance, there would be no need to meet up or talk apart from online.
Seems to me that he is making out he is a single man here and that is always dangerous.
The internet can open up a whole can of worms that you never thought possible.
You could however call his bluff and start to say or drop hints that you have been talking to a guy online!! What's good for the goose is good for the gander eh!!! It may shock him that you are not about to sit back and just let it happen either that or just come out and confront him before you get hurt badly.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, elsie +, writes (3 May 2007):
 i agree with the previous answer from cd206 about the mail being opened and his bank details.i think thats an encroachment on his basic privacy.however you do say hes good at lying.i know this situation myself as my partner used to (hopefully not anymore)lie easily.i think once they've told you lies it will always stay in your mind and complete trust is never there.one thing i will say though is how many women trust their men 100%anyway??i dont like the sound of his excuse about wanting his last piece of privacy.if you were given a choice out of which part of his life youd like to know more about im guessing now it would be this password?no1.why is he chatting to another woman?maybe he,s confiding in her as he feels he cant with you? maybe its something similar to this problem page and he doesnt want to be embarassed.i know id feel a little embarassed if my fella read everything i put here??no2.why is she giving out her no?thats a step too far.thats treading on your toes and i believe thats wrong.ask him how hed feel if you did this sort of thing with a complete stranger.lay your cards on the table and tell him you want it to stop and if things go any further you wont know where you stand.at least this way hes been giving fair warning.the rest is up to you.good luck.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (3 May 2007):
 I'm not sure he should give you his password and I don't even know why he gave you his bank card and lets you open his mail. I don't mean any offence to you at all but everyone needs some privacy and I think he's just reacting against giving away the last of his. We all want some space and things that belong just to us and that's what I think he's doing. A relationship can't survive without trust and if you carry on along this road your relationship will be finished. If you can't trust him why are you with him?
CD
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