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female
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*onfused Angel
writes: Further to my previous questions, I am at yet another hurdle in my relationship.... my partner just worked a 7 x day week, and came home last night, tired, hungry and cranky, he mentioned the fact that he had not eaten a thing ALL day and needed dinner ASAP. I said well whose fault is that... considering I had cooked a lovely dinner the night before and even served him the left overs for lunch that day, in which he forgot to take with him - he responded to say, 'Well YOU should have reminded me about the lunch'???????We got into a heated discussion and I was saying things like.... Do you expect me to do everything?? I cook for him, clean for him, do his washing etc etc.... and it never seems to be enough.... he still expects more and more and more.... I joked and asked if he would like a bell that he can ring whenever he wants something and possibly his little servant that lives down the road can come running to bring him anything/everything that he needs.... which unfortunately that servant was not going to be me.I asked him the question... what do you expect... dinner to be served for you every night you walk in the door and his answer was genuinely YES.I repeated the same question over and over again.... and he continued to answer YES YES YES... I was in shock....I said do you expect dinner to be served every night, the house to be clean, your washing to be cleaned and put away, a sexual relationship when you want it... all with a smile on my face.... and he said YES!I called him a old fashioned pig and said he was that way because of his mother who didn't work when she raised those boys and did everything on her own.... little do those boys know that his mother never enjoyed that... and she has already admitted that me.... all the time she spent on her own, while my partners father worked so much.... which obviously my partner is following in those same footsteps...I asked him the question.... so what happens when/if we have children, would he still expect all of the above... and his answer was YES...... He said if he is working full time, and providing for our family, then I should be doing EVERYTHING else... I said,' Don't you think the washing, cleaning, looking after our children etc etc etc is not a full time job, and would he still expect dinner to be served every night ... and his same answer every time was YES????I don't know if I am overacting about all of this... is that what a good wife/mother should be doing while the husband works full time?? Should I be ensuring that the house is always clean, his washing done, dinner cooked and served, children raised, fed, washed and put to bed?? etc etc.... We went to bed last night not talking to one another, and if anything I expected to wake this morning to an apologetic partner.... in which the first thing he said to me this morning was... Honey I have to go to Melbourne this week for work and I need you to pack my bags for me???? Of course I said NO WAY (I work full time as well and am struggling with the flu) and was left once again in shock....Is this normal?? Is this what a relationship is supposed to be like at the age of 26?? Your answers would be much appreciated.... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DV1  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 This is not normal at all. If he says that he's old fashioned, he's full of bs. I was raised by my grandfather, and I was taught that a woman was something to be appreciated. I was always taught that if a woman offered to cook dinner, accept only on the condition that you participate with her, because it's an excuse to do something fun together. The only person responsible for packing for trips was the person going on one. It doesn't sound like he has any respect for you. You need to find someone who is going to come home to you and expect only for you to show him love when he walks in the door.
DV1
A
female
reader, hilda  +, writes (21 May 2007):
a marrige is a partnership and everthing should be 50/50. i was married at 19 and had 3 children by the time i was 23 my self and my husband worked and everything was split the childcare and the house work and even the cooking. i am now 28 unfortunatly widowed but now my children help me around the house cos i still go to work. i would kick him into touch
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 No, in my opinion this is not how it's supposed to be.
Explain to him that you are not going to be his mother or his little servant. He can pack his own darn bags and make sure to take his lunch box with him without you reminding him. Tell him you will not agree to this role of 1950's housewife that he is trying to squeeze you into.
I can understand you doing a lot of house work if you're at home all the time, but to ask you to do ALL of it and never help out is ridiculous.
If I were you I would try to find a job. It must be depressing for you to do all this work around the house and get no appreciation, so you might as well get a paid job where the pay check at the end of the month will do you some good. Plus, that way you will get out of the house and meet some new people, which is always good.
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