A
male
age
36-40,
*ey
writes:Me and my G/F have had sex about 4 times. Before we finally had sex I was a virgin and we had to try 3 times cause I kept losing my erection. Partly because of nerves and partly because of her...how should I say this...Lack of Stimulation. 2 of the times we had sex I had a little Vodka to calm my nerves, did the trick nicely. Well, we were going to have sex tonight, but it didn't go down because my erection went away. We kiss a lot before hand, but beyond that she doesn't really do anything else...this leads to me being bored...my mind starts to wander off...etc, etc...Additionally, when my erection goes away instead of...I don't know rubbing it, touching it, or something considered generally helpful...she just lies there like a stump on a log doing one of several things. Rolling her eyes, glancing at the tv, or just plain growing annoyed. I try to start things up again, ya know, go in and kiss her and she just totally unresponsive, no participation at all! Needless to say this doesn't help the mood at ALL or inspire me to perform...At this point Im just really, really, starting to become annoyed with her. Especially since In her eyes its totally my fault. I don't think I should take all the blame in this situation...but according to her since its my member thats not say cooperating...it is all my fault. Oh did I mention she likes to "tease" that I have Erectile Dysfunction! That really irritates me. I'm only 22, I dont have ED. I just don't know...I'd really appreciate whatever advice you could give me in this situation.
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female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 You need to both relax more. You must know eachother pretty well, so there is no need to be nervous. Just hav a good chat, and say what you would prefer her to do etc. Avoid other distractions in the room. Did you mean you have the TV on? Well if so, don't.
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (14 May 2007):
 I can see it from her point of view. She's probably inexperienced and embarressed when you lose your erection. You need to encourage her. If she's not done much of this before, it's a scary thought in case we do it wrong! Help her along, take her hand and show her what you want her to do. I can see why she gets annoyed, she just wants it all the run smoothly, just like she imagined but she's too nervous to make that happen, in case she messes up.
You both need your heads banging together! Talk about it first, you're not sleeping with a one night stand. Tell her that moaning isn't helping and maybe playing with you will help. I really do feel for her, when it doesn't work out, it's so frustrating and we take it so personally, especially when we are too young or inexperienced to do anything to make the situation better. Talk it through, maybe she'll open up about her actions also.
Good luck and just relax, this will get better, you're just nervous.
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (14 May 2007):
 Weren't you the one who posted this question?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-penis-wont-co-operate-when-it-comes.html
If I had to have sex with someone who just lies there like a log, I don't think I would be able to perform either. Especially since I would have the thought in the back of my head that "darn, if it doesn't stay hard she will be annoyed again". You don't need that. And quite frankly speaking, your girlfriend can't be so dumb that she doesn't realise that what she's doing is not helping. She is making you feel small on purpose. Just tell her to shape up or ship out.
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A
male
reader, Hali1985 +, writes (14 May 2007):
 I've been in a similar situation, When i first met my currant girlfriend (I was still a virgin). It took awhile before i could shake the nerve's, NOTHING about lossing an erection is your fault. She need's to understand that if she continues to pressure you its not going to happen.
The thing that worked best for me was to give it time.... I paniced so much in the beginning even to the extent were for a whole week i couldn't even get it up. As soon as i started to feel comfortable with the situation things changed.
As for your girlfriend she should be supportive as this will help you loads. You could try stimulating her with your hand/mouth and relaxing together with as much forplay as possible ;) this will help relax you and your girlfriend can have her fun too... which might keep her off your back about it all.
I hope it goes well. best of luck
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