A
male
age
30-35,
*elvinator
writes:So how do I start this out.This is a family issue, not mine but my parents and brother. I've been living with my older brother and parents well since I was born anyway.It's a long story, and I will try to keep it short and right to the point. My dad is how you say hates to use his own money, we call him the stingy old man. My mom on the other hand is pretty generous. Like when I needed a small netbook for my studies, she got me one. My dad is retired and my mom is working on a casual basis. My older brother is working as well.Ok so today my mom was complaining to my dad about how much money my dad gives her you know for buying food etc she wants, so that she can cook etc. So they both asked me how long my dad was overseas to settle some business matters. It was 3 weeks, and I told them that. So later on they bicker and argue loudly and I tell them both to lower their voices cause I really did not want neighbours to be hearing all of these nor the person (a friend of mine since high school) we were renting out one of our rooms to. My dad afterward proceeds to exit the house and go mow our lawn and sidewalks. I'm sitting at my PC watching a movie surfing the net, a envelope hits my leg. I turn around and shes got this sulky look on her face. I was thinking in my head "going what the hell?". I threw it back and she flinged it back. I then put it on the kitchen table telling her why are you sulking so much for? Cause she did this last time when I was arguing with her about another city's weather where she wanted to move to. Yes the weather, sounds crazy right? My brother was with me that time when she threw a paper ball at us. Although it was meant for me. I guess my brother has a easier time not opening his mouth to tell my mom off then I do. But sometimes I've seen him get very frustrated and annoyed by my mom too. Like when we're gaming say up to 12-1am. We're adults yet she keeps coming out of bed telling us to go to sleep.Anyway so after my dad is outside, she starts scolding me in a very angry manner about how I was on my dad's side, but I did say hey you both asked me how long dad was away. Then she thratened to slap me the next time I defended my dad. I was like how was I defending him, I just gave my answer to your questions and you start making me look like I was some bad guy and against you.I come back in after helping my dad mow the lawn later, she (she tends to keep talking never feeling satisfied, like she must get her point through our heads every minute) then claims she looked after us and that we took her for granted etc, buying me the netbook etc. I just kept quiet, seeing it was the best thing for me to do, if I talked back she would just raged even more. So for the sake of not burning anymore bridges I tried to apologise and says she would never forgive me for that. Oddly last time I said hey mom I'm looking forward to going to Singapore for that job application my university was offering. She starts crying and I'm like mom I can't freaking stay with you forever, I need my own space eventually. And there's a lot more to that but I think I just wanna tell everyone here my situation for now. I feel my mom is a nagging controlling freak. I offer to help wherever I can like washing the dishes or cleaning the toilet, cause she complains my dad or older brother are lazy. She continuously sees flaws in us yet doesn't enjoy it when I say she should try not to talk so loud (which she does a lot). I know my mom has been through hard times, with my dad and their marriage has been pretty rocky. I just think she exaggerates things that I didn't even say earlier and said I was showing off to dad I was on his side? All I said were the facts, nothing about hey mom dad is soooo 100% right...I don't know how wrong or what I am, I just feel like I'm like some stupid glue keeping this family together. If I wasn't around I would bet my bro, dad and mom be on their separate ways. Right now she's gone to the mall by herself and going to pick up my bro from work, and I bet she may end up talking about what happening and how shit I was earlier and I will look like some shit guy. I just hope my brother knowing how my mom is will know how hard it is for me each day with her around. When she's at work the whole day, the house feels a bit better and normal, my dad doesn't bother me or my brother, and him and I have so much fun playing games. I may be ranting but I just feel better talking/writing it out. Anyone has suggestions to what I should do? I feel like going to some welfare organisation for help. Probably go look for a place and seek government help and live by myself. I know I probably won't expect many replies, but if you took the time to read it, thank you, it means a lot to me. I have quite a lot of friends, but only one I feel close enough that I would talk to...
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male
reader, Kelvinator +, writes (1 December 2010):
Kelvinator is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate to the current situation:
I guess things are still a bit frosty in that she's still pissed but the mood in the house is a bit better than yesterday. It's like a cooling off period after all that tension release, I hope she is slowly going to start talking to me again.
Oh by the way she is in her 50's so I wouldn't think menopause would affect her at that age? Unless I'm wrong. I can see how my mom likes to get things her way. Guess I got just live with it and enjoy life with my family, as they say you don't live forever on this world.
Thanks Trac675 & Bella555, reading your views from another perspective allowed me to understand my mom better.
A
female
reader, Trac675  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 Did you walk into MY house??? Oh honey, I do feel for you, and know what you are kinda going thru. I am a nag to a point. I have 2 teen boys, 13 & 18, but SOOOO very different. I gonna "assume" (hate that word) she is mid 40's or so, since you have a older bro. There is 1 possible answer to ALL of this and the next 5 years or so to come..."Menopause"....I am 35 and scared to death ima be the first female devil when its my time...Now, as a "moms" point of view, and the sake of your life....do NOT EVER let her know you said you think she is a "nagging controlling freak", although we know we are, She will hurt you. Us moms ALWAYS want our children on OUR sides, at ALL times, right or wrong. Thats just us. Now me, I LOVE video games lol. I like to pick up 360 remote and kill the shit outta some bruts & grunts on Halo...1,2,or 3 lol. As for yelling, we all do, sorry, gonna have to deal with that lol. My oldest is still here, but when he was talking bout military, I freaked, cried and had my fit over it. Its not easy for a momma to see their "babies" leave. Yes you are 18 or so, but you will ALWAYS be ours. Your in her house, and she will continue to kick u off game at certain time. I think its just the "controlling" factor there. She does it because she can, and you listen. Just try to keep a good relationship with her. Cause the day will come when she is gone...and trust me by personal experience, it sucks.
Hope this helps. You can ask me whatever, ill do my best to help.
GL :)
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A
female
reader, Bella555 +, writes (30 November 2010):
It's inevitable that you and your brother go your own ways eventually anyway, as you're both young men, but that doesn't mean your family will have disbanded. Once you and your brother start living independently, all your family members may grow a renewed appreciation of each other when you're communicating or visiting. Trust me, it usually turns out that way and though the future won't be squabble-free, it's much more enjoyable.
No family lives an idyllic life, no matter what face they put on in public. There may be a lot of tension in your house, but you are not the root cause of it or the person meant to realign your parents' marriage. You have the right idea--it's time to get out on your own. It may be weird at first, but you'll find you like the requisite responsibilities and freedoms, while you can still drop by home from time to time.
Hang in there, you're going to be alright.
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