A
female
age
51-59,
*0rgan
writes:I married my high school sweet heart. We have 3 young children. It wasn't easy for us to be together and I risked a lot to stay with him. He was an incredible young man, so loving, so naive and yet I felt so taken care of in his company. I adored him, I put him on a pedestal. We truly had a love story. The first time he lied to me I was shocked. Confused, it wasn't about anything significant. But it broke my trust, enough to begin to question other things at various points of our relationship. Since then there have been many lies and betrayals. I have no trust in him at all. I doubt everything he says or does unless it's proven. It's a terrible way to live and I'm tired. I don't want to care anymore about what he is or isn't doing. I just want to have some peace and happiness and trust in my life again. So how? Do I have to leave? Do I have to break up my family which will be a devastating thing for everyone, especially my innocent children.When I think back to when we first met and fell in love it makes me sad because I feel like I fell in love with one man and married another. Your comments are appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): If he changed, would you stay?
If so, get into counciling and make a hard run at it. if he can't change, then move forward with the divorce, knowing that you did all you could, and he (not you) failed.
A
female
reader, Bella555  +, writes (28 November 2010):
Cerberus Raphael has hit the nail right on the head with his question--what does your husband lie about? Are these small issues, or has he gone as far as breaking his marriage vows to you? The only way your marriage will survive is if the two of you can regenerate the trust between you, and that promises to be a difficult, long-term process that will not be without flaws or setbacks. Your trust in him will not become rock solid overnight, and he will not instantly transform into the truth-bearing person he ought to be--he's going to mess up plenty of times if you attempt this. He also has to want to change, as you will not be able to coerce him into becoming an honest man. Having young children makes this attempt that much more critical--you should work to save your family and relationship for their sake as well as yours. Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (28 November 2010):
 What does he lie about? Ask him why he feels he has to lie to you when he used to feel so comfortable with being honest. It would be a shame to separate this family, especially after you two have spent so long together.
How long ago did he start lying to you? Has he ever promised to change? If he has promised, if he has been so willing to break that promise, then I suppose it would be necessary to divorce. If he has not promised, then make him promise, make him prove to you that this relationship is still worth saving because there can be trust between you again. Make him promise and then wait and see if he ever lies to you again. If he does, divorce him but if he succeeds, then you can look upon this period of time as one of the rougher, less elegant times. Every marriage has one of those.
I hope that helps.
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