A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What would you do if you were the victim of an emotionally abuse relationship and out of the blue your exgf sent you a breakup email blaming you for the breakup based on behaviors that were exhibited by her and never you? Then nearly a year later she called you, apologized and told you she wanted to give it another try but not knowing that you knew she was more manipulive than before, more of a compulsive liar than before, and completely unaware that you know the detailed truth about her past and current life that she never told you and still hasn't told you? I'm just curious if there are people out that think and act like her and what causes you to be this way? Is it's etiology mutant genes?
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female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 While I can't tell you what exactly caused her to become this way, I can at least tell you the reasons behind why. This behaviour is very common for pathological liars with passive-aggressive tendencies. In their mind they can do no wrong and are the victims, which in reality is far from true. Projecting the things they're guilty of onto someone else is a classic defense mechanism because to someone with this disorder, the blame has to placed anywhere but on themselves. This disorder affects many people, and is impossible to treat if they're not willing to admit they have a problem.
A
female
reader, Bella555 +, writes (29 November 2010):
You and I are adrift in the same boat, and I know we are not the only passengers out here on these rough seas whipped up by the unnecessary cruelty of those we love or have loved. You probably won't get direct answers from people who behave in the ways you described, because most people who engage in these behaviors don't see them as you or I might, as they often lack the requisite empathy.Fear is a large motivator behind these behaviors, as is the need for control. Fear and the need for control feed each other, creating a nasty cycle that allows warped interactions, manipulation, and compulsions to become the means by which some people relate to others. The desire for power also fits in neatly with fear and control issues, making for an unsavory stew of negative drives that by design hurt other people. Upbringing has much to do with why people become emotionally manipulative, and there's strong evidence that there are those who are more inclined to turn out that way thanks to their genetic makeup. I'm sorry I cannot provide you with a source to support that assertion, but please take this as a well-informed amalgam of the reading I've done, which also is in no way exhaustive. Knowing what you do about your girlfriend does not ease the pain she caused you in your former relationship, I'm sure, and has made you reasonably wary of her presence in your life once more. Regardless of her apology, she does not seem to have changed, and I'd be willing to wager she will hurt you again, with no remorse for her actions. People rarely develop empathy past a certain stage in their lives, and she probably never will if she's emotionally manipulative. I'd recommend being extremely cautious with her, don't reveal your vulnerabilities, guard your emotions, and start counting the inevitable lies--none of which are a sound foundation for a relationship.Good luck.
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