A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My family owns some hotels on the beach and i have always been very involved with them.. i plan on taking over when i'm in college. Over the years, i have become pretty close with one of our bartenders. We've always had a ton of fun together and had a little flirty relationship. People around the hotel joke and say we "have the hotts for eachother", and i always just laugh it off and say he's to old for me. But secretly, i would want more than anything to be able to be with him one day. I've always felt this amazing connection with him and i have a feeling that he feels the same. Now here's the bad part. I'm 17 and he's 30. It sucks. However, i'm very mature for my age and hes the kind of guy that loves to have fun..so we get along very well. When im with him it doesn't feel like he's that much older than me. Obviously i could not be with him now, seeing as it's illegal, but in a few years, when im an adult, would it be crazy for us to get together?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): It's funny... America considers itself so forward. And yet the age of consent is still 18.
Whereas in most other Western Societies we are free to shag whoever we feel like shagging from the second we hit 16. And you know what, society has not collapsed. Crime is still lover than America. STD rates are still lower. Teen pregnancy is no higher, in fact likely lower than America.
It's not about age. It's about teaching our young people to respect the act and do it responsibly. None of this 'Abstinence until marriage or you go to hell' bullshit.
Sorry, I just feel America is taking a terrible line with this. Because you can enlist and fight and die in a war at 18, but you can't have a drink before you do.
Flynn 24
A
female
reader, americanpatriot +, writes (25 November 2010):
 Of course it isn't, in a year or two. You can't "be with" him now, but that is really a good thing. It will give you the opportunity to lay a good, solid foundation of friendship, without the complications of sex.
The biggest problem you will face is how your parents will feel about the situation. I married a man who was 38 when I was 19, but we had to elope because my parents would not approve of our getting married. I didn't get to have the church wedding I always dreamed of having, but we've been married for almost ten years.
What's more is that your parents, if they're anything like mine, could be turned off by his choice of occupation. That could be a problem, too. They might tell you that you're "settling."
Lastly, the nice bartender guy might end up feeling like you are too young for him, even later on in getting to know you. I once dated an older guy who said it just didn't feel right dating me because of my age, but he was even younger than my husband.
When you're eighteen, you will ultimately have the free choice to be with any adult you want. If the two of you feel comfortable with going out, no one in society can keep you from doing it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): I just so happened to be in this same situation only I am 18 and he is 31. It really depends on the both of you. If you two are comfortable with each other go for it. Me and my man are perfectly happy. We hang out and have fun and I do not have to deal with the Drama of a Little Boy. He makes me very happy as I do him. It started off a little weird and I questioned it a lot but now I wouldn't take it back for the world. I also took time to consider our future. You have to understand he has 13 more years of life experience than you he may already have a life going where you are still very young and just beginning yours. You have to decide if you want to make a life with someone or be a part of his.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): i think he is too old...
you might have fun now but later on you will regret it. He is way older and thinks things you probably don't even know. I would stay away just for his sake because remember you are still a minor and he might get into big problems legally.
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A
female
reader, Bella555 +, writes (25 November 2010):
Question is, will you still have the same feelings for him in a few years? Possibly. Or you may meet awesome guys in your age range at college and it won't be an issue anymore anyway. The age difference is striking for the obvious reasons, and probably wouldn't be as glaring if you were both a bit older. But you'll also be at potentially different life stages, and while you may want to continue having fun, he might be thinking of a family, etc. Speaking of family, what does your family think of this arrangement, if they are aware? Do you think it'll cause problems at your businesses?Age of consent varies from state to state, but I think you're wise to contemplate this as you are before going ahead. Besides, what if your relationship is how you described it for him, as flirty, and nothing more?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): It sounds like a nice summer romance may be coming up. Down the line, the age difference will work against both of you.
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