A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have made an unbelievably bad decision. This might be a little long, so thank you in advance for reading. I have no one to turn to, not because i don't have anyone but because i do not think anyone would understand. Ill start at the beginning: I think i was walking to a grocery store a few weeks ago when I met this guy. By "met" i mean that we made eye contact and he followed me into the store and grabbed my hand and pulled me close in one of the empty aisles. He was older, maybe 27 or 28 and gorgeous but had a bit of a disheveled air to him. I couldn't help it (hormones) i was drawn in. So when i left the store, I thought i might never see him again but when i turned the corner, there he was. I was naturally surprised and a bit put off by this stalker behavior but he did not say anything and just took my hand again. I know. The right thing to do was to say "AHH, get away from me!" But i just could not. Especially because he did not say anything and just held my hand. So that night when i went home, i could not help but think about him. The next day, I left for school and thought i saw him and thought i was just being paranoid. But, later that evening when i was with my friend, she pointed out some good looking man, that was looking in my direction. Once again i was surprised to see it was him and now a bit intrigued. Since, he did not do anything to me, I did not feel scared but my father is an occupational therapist and he has told me about people who are obsessive compulsive so i did feel a bit threatened. So i just ignored him although i repeatedly saw him many a time for the next two weeks. Yesterday i was walking home with a male friend when i saw him again. This time, I could see visibly that he was upset so i went up to him. I asked him if he was okay and he did not reply so i just started asking questions. I asked him if he was following me and he finally spoke and said yes. He still looked severely upset so i sat next to him and thats when he pulled me in and kissed me. I went home after that, a bit confused. This morning I saw him on my way to school. Now, my problem and bad decision is this: Problem: He is obviously an obsessive person but i just can't help but like him. There is something so sad in his eyes (Sorry, i could not go into details, im not a very good describer of things) Bad Decision: Kissing him. Should i forget him? I would tell my parents or friends but i am just scared that since i know nothing about him he could be in trouble and will get into more if i say something. I know i sound a bit infatuated and truthfully i am. I just need to know what to do. What would be the right thing to do?
View related questions:
kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bella555 +, writes (1 December 2010):
Thanks for the update. I'm glad your friends are looking out for you. Is there any way you can take a different route to school? If you try that, and he starts showing up on those streets, you need to tell your folks and/or the authorities.
Take care of yourself! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI saw him on my way to school today. Once again, i just ignored.
Hopefully it'll all just go away.
I really dont want to get someone in trouble but in the end i will have to choose whether i want to tell authorities.
But i have told my friends so at least they are keeping a lookout for me.
Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice.
I deeply appreciated it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Well, I think it's romantic. The only thing harmless about the kiss is that he miiiight have had herpes.
(Sorry to make light of this; glad you decided that you felt unsafe and went the lengths to protect yourself!)
-T.V.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Guys,
I still haven't seen him around and its day 2
I can only imagine that he has gone but ill update in a few days.
...............................
A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (29 November 2010):
 This guy sounds mentally disturbed. You are misinterpreting his mysterious behavior as romantic. For all you know, this man could be dangerous.
Do you know his name, where he works/lives, who he hangs out with, or anything about him? I would find out what you can from others and avoid anymore contact with this man. In addition, I highly recommend talking to your father about this.
Let us know what happens. Stay safe!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): If he doesnt take No for an answer lady you can either A) Hire me as your bodyguard and let the police sort out the mess I'll make with this guy on the sidewalk or B) Call the police to prevent such said mess.
Lookout for own personal well being here and you are. Men like this can be very unpredictable so it does u no harm in taking some rather extreme action to protect yourself.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo answer everyone, yes i do like him for mostly his looks.
I know that sounds superficial but its fact.
Today as i was leaving for school he was waiting outside my house for me and that made me angry/ a bit scared.
So I just told him that I want nothing to do with him and that I am too young.
He didn't really say anything and just left and i haven't seen him since.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): Play this safe miss and stop contact. You do not know him and he may or may not be a threat. But your life is far too valuable to take such a risk, especially with such mixed signs and odd behavior. Hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 The right thing to do is to just STEER CLEAR of this guy and run for the hills. Since you are in the situation yourself, you probably cannot understand the degree of danger (the infatuation isint helping either) but if someone asked YOU this same question about themselves, how would you respond??
You dont have to worry about his eyes or what they convey. His behaviour is ABNORMAL, and while this attention from a good looking guy may be a thrill for you right now, it could lead to something potentially very dangerous for you later. Keep in mind you know nothing about him.
Please be careful, avoid all contact with him, try not to be in a situation where you have have to come across him alone, and PLEASE tell someone responsible about him right now. Dont wait for the situation to aggravate. And dont do anything silly...you have to take care of yourself. Crushes are fine as long as they are harmless.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): Tell your parents. Please for the love of god tell your parents. This man could be very dangerous.
...............................
A
female
reader, Bella555 +, writes (29 November 2010):
I fear you're looking for attention from the wrong sources. From your description, this guy sounds on the verge of disturbed, if not all the way there by now. He's interacting with you on a level that's more appropriate to people who are actually acquainted; random guys from off the street or in stores should not be permitted to grab hold of you, direct you physically, or kiss you. You're idealizing a potentially dangerous situation as romantic, i.e., he's literally swept you off your feet. This man seems to know little of proper social interaction or how to respect other people's boundaries, and it may not be his fault if he's mentally unstable, but saving him or solving his problems is not your responsibility.
You must stay away from him, as harsh as that sounds. That is the right thing to do--protect yourself. Any further interaction with this man is only going to encourage more inappropriate (and possibly harmful) actions on his part. If he persists in touching you, etc., you're going to have to go the legal route and get a restraining order. Tell your parents, your family, friends--someone in your life what's going on, now. Alter your route to the store, go to a different store altogether, and go to school a different way too.
I know this is not what you want to hear. You are a kind and decent person who is empathetic to the plights of others, and that's an admirable trait. However, you are responsible for your own safety and well-being also.
This guy may be attractive, but please realize his looks and/or your response to them are not an excuse to treat you like a rag doll or impose his instability on you.
Take care of yourself.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 I am caught between suggesting you get a restraining order and suggesting you talk him through this and eventually help him rid himself of this. Are you absolutely sure that he is a sufferer of OCD? Are you sure this is what led him to stalk you like this? If you are, I suppose he can seek professional help and remedies so he does not have to live like this.
The kiss was potentially threatening, keep that in mind.
I suppose he needs help if he truly cannot control his behavior but someone needs to help him. If he is still stalking you, I suggest you urge him to seek help because this is making you uncomfortable and it is not healthy for him. If he ever threatens you, I suggest you tell someone. In fact, I suggest you tell someone right now, a friend perhaps just so, if he does ever get too aggressive, someone will know and you will not be alone.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): I don't know what his being obsessive- compulsive has to do with your safety, necessarily; I don't believe it means that he is more prone to violence or other harmful behaviour. It seems such things would be personality characterisitcs unrelated to the 'disorder'.
I am a supporter of going with your feelings, that that is "the right thing" almost always. Do you feel your mind would be restful, at ease, if you were to walk away now... would you always wonder "what if"? Would you worry about what became of him, now that the certain sadness in him has touched that chord in you?
With all hope, he will open up to you a bit more, verbally, over time... if not, and you would not be bothered by a relationship where you did most the conversation guiding, it could still work...
I don't know if his 'OCD' has anything to do with his being of few words... I'm sorry I can't really be of more help here; I'll have to research a bit more on the psychology relating to this. :(
-Tante Vic
...............................
A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (29 November 2010):
 For your safety you should tell someone. You never know what could happen. He could get randomly upset at something that you dont even realize you did wrong and hurt you. How did he find your school, you house, etc. Plus say it goes somewhere, he is obviously the jealous type. Your feelings are more on curiosity and looks then his outstanding personality. On the other hand I can understand your attraction to him. Id be just as torn as you because I wouldnt want to give it up. Maybe talk to him again. Demand(nicely) answers. Why is he stalking you. What is his interest. What does he wnat. Dont leave or let him leave until you know. Then decide if he is a dnager to you. It is beyond weird to just randomly pul someone off to the side and hold their hand (you have to ask urself is he crazy or romantic). If this guy was unattractive would you still be as curious? (Not saying your basing it off of looks) just that a hot guys seems far less harmful then a less attractive one. Be careful. If you want to talk any more about it, have any other questions, or just want someone who sorta gets it send me a message!
...............................
|
