A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok im going out with this girl in new york but im moving to florida and were in love and she wants to have a baby that she can keep so it like a piece of me i cant even tell my parents anything how would i tell them how would i tell her mom i dont evern kno what the reaction would be Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (29 November 2010):
Having a baby to remember you by? Is she mad? This is a child we are talking about not a toy.
It's an absolutely ludicrous idea. Don't do it.
I could go into a long rant about the pitfalls (but read other people's responses instead).
This is one of the more absurd problems I have come across that has the most obvious answer to it.
I can't believe you may even be considering it.
If she can't have a photo of you or something a teddy bought by you then she really does have problems.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): A baby isn't a souvenir, it's a life. A life you and her clearly would not be ready to take care of. If she really wants to remember you, give her a picture. If that's not enough for her and a baby is the only thing that will be suffice, then she has somethings to work out in therapy.
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female
reader, iloveyou2 +, writes (28 November 2010):
 Get her a doll and stick a photo of your face on it instead but for gods sake don't get her an actual baby. She probably about as clueless about what to so with it as you ( you can take that any way you want) u will also destroy any chance that she will completely move from you.
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female
reader, Millyyy +, writes (28 November 2010):
You need to persuade her that this idea isn't logical. I can see why she would want to have your baby and it sounds very sweet but having a baby is a big thing, which she would later regret because she wouldn't be able to share that happiness with you. It would affect both of your lives and would consequently be a strain on your life and future relationships.
I'm your age and I know that I have my whole life ahead of me, ready for many ups and downs that I will have to face, this girl will not be the only person you have you in your life. You'll find many more.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (28 November 2010):
 Why doesn't she want you to tell your parents? That would be their grandchild! I swear I do not understand these selfish girls nowadays who just want a baby for ish and giggles. Get her a photo album or something. Sheesh!
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female
reader, drog +, writes (28 November 2010):
 It doesn't seem like this girl understands the difference between a memento and a full live baby. I don't suggest that you get her pregnant and then leave the state unless you are planning to come back and live out your duty as that child's father.
You two seem young, and therefore may not understand the significance of fathering/giving birth to a baby. So be fair to her and don't throw her into a trial of life that neither of you fully comprehend (and don't let her push you into it either). If she needs something so she can feel your presence, give her your Skype username.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (28 November 2010):
Hi there. Having a baby so young is a very big step, no matter how much she loves you.
It's a step she might live to regret.
Also having a baby so young, might prevent her from ever finishing her education. Later on in her life, she would definitely regret that.
It would certainly change things substantially, at any rate.
This is a situation she really needs to think about very carefully, before going ahead with it.
I'm quite sure neither of your parents would be very happy about it. It would change everything for you both.
You do need to discuss this with her as soon as possible, don't delay it any longer.
Try to pursuade her against it, explaining all the reasons why.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (28 November 2010):
 For the love of God, do not listen to her.
1) You will owe child support if she ever decides to collect. That can add up to a tremendous sum of money, especially if she turns up after a few years. Just because she says she doesn't want it now, does not mean she won't change her mind when money's tight. Will she still love you enough to leave you alone five years from now?
2) You will be bringing a child into this world without a father. Doing so deliberately is an act of child abuse. The children of single parents are much more likely to live in poverty, have poor performance in school, and get in trouble with the law. Don't inflict that on some poor kid-to-be if you can possibly avoid it. Better yet, what if the kid grows up resentful and hateful toward you for your role in this?
3) You will be crippling her future. If you want your beloved to be happy, don't force her to wade through all the guys looking for easy single-mommy sex in order to find a good new man. That's not even counting the fact that having a baby will make getting work and going to college far more difficult, perhaps impossible depending on her financial situation.
4) What if, five years from now, you're struck with the sudden urge to meet your offspring, only to find that the kid already has a new daddy? Do you really want in on that drama?
5) You're 16. She's the same age, presumably. What could possibly have led you to believe that she's ready for the responsibility of raising a child? Doing the right thing *for* your girlfriend is different from just giving her whatever she asks for. Are you two really ready to be making decisions of that magnitude?
6) A child is not a "piece of you," it's a human being with needs and feelings of its own. If that's not the first thing that popped into her head and yours, you are not ready to raise a child! A lock of your hair would be a piece of you - try that instead.
7) Your parents' reactions (her parents' too) is going to be pretty much what I've written here - probably less polite, though. And they will be *correct* in doing so. This is the kind of decision you two could not take back once you commit to it.
I understand how easy it is to stop thinking when you're young and in love (or at least infatuated), but if she's not going to be using her head, you need to. Do not do this.
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (28 November 2010):
 I really don't think this is a good idea. A baby isn't a keepsake to remember someone by. It's a human being who needs love, guidance, education, etc and preferrably two parents. Not to mention a baby is going to be there for the rest of hers and your life it's a BIG committment! Give her a piece of jewellery or a photo of yourself for her to remember you by.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): If You don't want children, do not have them. End of story. Especially as your relationship is long distance and you are still a teenager!
-Tante Vic
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): Do you even want a child with this person?
you're only 16 or 17 are you sure you can handle knowing you're a dad... now im not saying that you can't Im just saying it could be a huge deal if she does have it, I mean what if when you move you find someone that you like and then fall in love with them do you really want to still be tied down to this girl? I don't know the choice is always yours but i think that maybe you should think this through a bit before you actually do so.
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A
female
reader, Bella555 +, writes (28 November 2010):
Not a chance, that's what your answer must be. Suitable souvenirs of relationships that don't work out for whatever reason do not include a vulnerable hunk of living human flesh that will require care for the next twenty plus years or so.
Have you considered continuing the relationship long distance?
If not, how about a nice stuffed animal or a favorite t-shirt of yours? Something reasonable that won't cost hundreds of thousands of dollars (more actually, with college education, we're in the millions) to clothe, house, feed, and educate?
Be smart. Can you really see yourself as a noncustodial teenage father who lives in an entirely different region of the country? Break up with her if you must, and wait about ten years or so before you start procreating.
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