A
female
age
30-35,
*asierToFallThanToForget
writes:I dated this guy on and off for about a year, and we were friends for like 4 years prior to that. He was pretty much my everything, and we knew each other better than almost anyone. We were inseparable. It was very rare for us to not be together. I'm not a very trusting person, but with him it was different. I honestly thought he was it, as silly as it may seem to everyone else. Unfortunately, I got really sick and things happened and we broke up. Neither of us wanted to, but I couldn't take it anymore. But the day we broke up, he said some bad things about my best friend because he blamed her for the break up. A few months later, we tried to be friends. It worked for a little while but then things got said about our break up and we got into a fight. The side effect of knowing someone as well as we did meant we knew what to say to make it hurt. We both said horrible things. He called me a useless waste to the world and I called him a bunch of things. So we stopped talking and since I was on home school for a while it was easy to try to forget him. After that I got another boyfriend who i absolutely loved. My ex decided he needed to come back around though and more fights occurred. On and on the cycle continued until this past summer. I had started talking to him one night when I was bored with nothing to do. We started talking and we got along better than we had the last time we tried to be friends. Yet, it seemed that time hadn't changed our feelings. We ended up having a secret relationship because my friend hates him. I ended up having to it a couple weeks later though. My best friend was angry that i was "friends" with him and I was slowly losing my best friend. I didn't want to risk losing my best friend anymore than I already had for someone I couldn't trust anymore so I cut him off. I told him I couldn't talk to him anymore and I blocked him on everything. Unfortunately, I can's seem to forget him. Everything reminds me of him and what we had. Songs, movies, my room. Everything. I've cut him off as much as I can. Yet nothing works. I'm driving myself nuts thinking about him. I can't talk to him again. I'd lose my best friend and the trust of my family who can't stand him. What do i do? How can I make myself forget him? I can't do this anymore, spending all my time thinking of how things used to be and what things would have been like.
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female
reader, Bella555 +, writes (27 November 2010):
Your family and friend's urge to protect you is admirable, if somewhat misguided. You are entitled to see whom you please, and it's a decision you must make, not them. However, you must try to be responsible and make an informed decision--this guy sounds volatile in many ways, from the timing of one of your break ups (you were sick), to the insults and fighting when another boyfriend was present. What are his positive traits? Why are you attracted to him? Is the disapproval of your loved ones a factor in that attraction?List his good points versus his bad and make the right choice based on which side outweighs the other. Can the two of you get along without bringing excessive negativity into one another's lives? Do you think he's capable of treating you well enough to eventually be accepted by your family and best friend? If he's going to be in your life, they're all going to cross paths at some point.Incidentally, your friend has no right to hold the existence of your friendship over your head if you do not follow her mandates. You need to stand up for yourself and she needs to learn to respect you and your wishes. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): wow sounds alot like my situation on the exception that i'm the guy being hated look if being with with will truly make you happy than go for it your friend is just looking out for you but theres a difference between that and you friend just wanting to control you that was the situation with my gf anyways. now its your choice and your friend should support either decision you make
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