A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my mother is driving me absolutely crazy... i used to think she was just lazy or didn't care but i'm convinced she's really passive aggressive and does stupid things on purpose to piss me the fuck off.. she'll eat and leave dishes in my room gets crumbs and stuff everywhere on my bed.. i'm convinced she even masturbates when i'm not in my room because when i come in after a while it smells and anything she touches like the tv remote or dvds or even the fucking cat will smell. it's the most disgusting thing and worst of all i have very bad ocd and want to break down and cry and throw up every time this happens. she sleeps in my room and i could've sworn i've woken up to her making those kinds of noises because if i move she stops. it makes me want to sleep and be unconscious forever and it's sick because i'm so envious of everyone else. people that don't have parents like her and people that get to have normal lives without being stressed and tense all the time because of their mother being a bitch.her hoarding is another source of stress for me, and another reason why i'm jealous of people with normal lives. i can't walk through my own house without climbing over junk. it makes me so so angry to see anyone complain about trivial problems because they've never had to deal with a life like mine, they have no idea what a bad life is and what real problems are.i'm unable to move out right now because i don't have enough money and have no one else to stay with... bringing attention to the issue by asking if she's really doing this crap out of spite and by saying the room smells weird doesn't work she keeps doing it and it's gone on for years.other than move out what can i do??
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (27 November 2010):
 No sweetie, you aren't crazy, you are living in a VERY uncomfortable situation. It has to be horrible living with a hoarder, that alone is enough to drive someone crazy! If the hoarding situation is all your mother's doing, then you shouldn't have to suffer because of it. If she has no place to sleep, that's her fault. Where she sleeps is her concern, not yours and I sure as heck would not let her in your rrom anymore. As the others have said, get yourself a lock for your room, and tell her your room is hands off. At least you will have somewhere to go that she can't invade. Keep checking out the ads, and online, to see if you can't find others to room with. The sooner you can get out of there, the better. I can't even imagine trying to live with a hoarder! As for the rest of your mom's behavior, she's got some real issues going on and needs help. I have a 29 year old and a 23 year old and cannot even begin to imagine invading their private space the way your mom has done. I really feel for you sweetie. Just hang tight and seriously try to get out of there as quickly as possible.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni don't think there's anything like that here, in my city there are a lot of homeless people wandering the streets in the less well off neighborhoods. we have things like welfare and low-income housing but my salary is just above poverty level so i don't qualify for either. i'm already working six days a week unfortunately my job doesn't pay overtime but instead gives extra vacation time for however long you stayed after hours, which does me no good at all. i was looking for something that paid better but they just laid off a bunch of people so right now it's either this job or no job. it's very hard to get a job that pays enough to live on in the US right now...especially because i didn't have the opportunity to go to college and of course every decent job wants a degree. so i'm basically stuck right now until my friend's sofa is free. i appreciate all your help though, it does make me feel better to know i'm not crazy in thinking this isn't how things should be.
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 I would put a lock on my door, and put a stop to her sleeping in your bed. Does she not have her own bed? I would consult a doctor, as personally I don't think someone of your mother's age, who is right in the head, would act that way... I can't imagine what life must be like for you... In the UK, we have councils who will house you if you become homeless, does the US not have something like that?
Or can you work extra hours at work, or do anything to get extra money to move out? Speak to friends, talk about a house share?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you aunty bimbim, i was actually considering going to a therapy group which is very inexpensive as i can't afford individual sessions. i'm hesitant though because of what the others might think...even if we're all in the same boat as far as depression and other disorders go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you both so much for answering.
to battista, she has a serious problem with hoarding and the junk has taken over every room of the house. when it became too much in her room she slept on the sofa...then when that part of the house got closed off because of the junk, she started sleeping in my room and has for 10 years. i've been depressed for the last 13 years and she's a big part of the reason, i've never even had friends over since i was 10 because of the situation. i desperately want to move out and have for a long time, i do work but after bills and food and all that i just don't have enough to afford my own place right now even with another person. a lock would be a great idea though, and i think i will try it though my mom tends to throw tantrums and rants when she doesn't like something i've done. it may make her behavior even worse because she's very spiteful like that.
bella, at the moment none of my friends have spare room for me and living with one of my close relatives could be even worse. they don't have a problem with hoarding but they're very critical of me and have a tendency to interrogate and belittle me if i don't do something to their exact standards. i was going to stay with my best friend for a little while until i could get on my feet, she even offered to let me stay without rent or anything but her room mate's friend had an emergency and is now staying on their sofa, so right now i just have nowhere to go.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 Bella is right, your life does sound deplorable, but it has taken years for your mother and you to get to this point. Her hoarding is an indication of that. It is going to take years to sort out.
As it seems you have no other family to approach for help, advise or guidance I would suggest you talk to a medical professional.
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A
female
reader, Bella555 +, writes (27 November 2010):
Your situation sounds deplorable, and I'm sorry you are suffering so unnecessarily. There is no plausible reason why you should be subjected to your mother's behavior, which is compounded by her obvious boundary issues with her own daughter. Why doesn't she sleep, eat, and masturbate in her own room?! You should not have to know about that particular aspect of her existence at all, and you deserve a space of your own in the house to boot.
You've stated you have no one who can help you by providing temporary accommodations...if your funds are limited, have you considered rooming with people? Do you have relatives ANYWHERE who might be decent enough to let you couch surf for a short time while you get on your feet?
You are not going to be able to successfully live with this woman, and her disregard for your autonomy and rights is nauseating. The only answer is the one you say is out of your reach--independence, NOW. Your OCD will worsen with your mother's every unhygienic and manipulative action, and you deserve a haven of your own, where you can begin to truly live your life, far away from that woman's disgusting proclivities.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (27 November 2010):
You are an adult. The only thing you can do is move out.
Do you work? Can you get any extra hours or a weekend job as well? You just need to start working as hard as you can to save up the money to get your own place, even if you share with others which can often be much cheaper.
Your age says you are 22-25, which implies to me that you should be wanting to move out regardless of your mother's behaviour. Maybe she wants you to move out as well? Who knows. It is a shame that you cannot be comfortable at home.
I am a bit confused, however, as to why you both sleep in the same bed. Can you not go and sleep on the sofa, for example, until your mother gets the message?
Could you put a key lock on your door so she can't go in there?
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