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... Send *pinnaker a private message | | | *pinnaker's profile:Yes that is me in the photo. No clip art no nothing. I love halloween and have several dozen complete costumes. In case you are wondering heh
I have been a business manager for several years and a student of psychology and human nature for several more.
If you have any questions please post them to the dearcupid website. Sorry but I will not answer questions over email.
Just some tips I have learned over the years that could help you:
(1) Wise is the person that understands the nature of things
(2) you have a right to feel how you feel. When you do not think you have that right, you are allowing someone or something to control you.
(3) The more you work on #1 the better equipped you are for #2 and any other numbers you wish to add to the list.
(4)BE consistent.
(5) never be afraid to admit you are wrong. Also never be afraid to admit you are not wrong.
(6) be honest with yourself and you will in turn be honest with others.
(7) Love is an action word - not some ooey gooey feeling
(8) Do not make promises in the moment.
(9) the Bible says "Sorrow may continue for the night but joy comes in the morning"
(10) You are not being respected because you do not respect yourself and are allowng this to continue.
(11) Men do not change and things never get better. If he is a certain way when you meet him chances are he will be that way in 20 years.
(12) You are not that important for people to always come to you. Make yourself visible by interacting.
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My best friend has feelings for me, I love him too but I'm not totally over my ex. What should I do?
Q. I don't even know where to start.. Well, my first relationship was with a guy I would have given the earth to, I did pretty much anything and everything he asked me to - I completely doted on this guy because I loved him as well as him being my...
A. 24 June 2011: Getting over some one takes some time - especially getting over someone who has affected you as you say. It is not as easy as flipping a switch and moving on.
You need to allow yourself to be angry and resentful and hurt. LEt those feelings... (read in full...)
Has anyone had a long term relationship coming from a friendship?
Q. Have any of you had luck dating friends? I have this friend but I'm interested in more. She's beautiful and intelligent, we have some common interests. Of course I'm afraid to ask her out on a date cuz I'm scared of rejection and affecting our ...
A. 24 June 2011: The familiarity is what attracts us to our friends. They know us we know them so a lot of the foundation is already set.
If you do ask that person out or in any other way confess your feelings one of two things would happen - this from my exper... (read in full...)
Ex has a girlfriend but wants to see me and...
Q. Hey, I dated my ex for 3 years. About half of our relationship was long distance. I left for college (6 months after we started dating) and I was thousands of miles away. So, we got to see each other on the long breaks: christmas break, spring b...
A. 24 June 2011: A double minded man is unstable in all his ways - the Good Book says.
He may want you and yet may want his girlfriend too. From his perspective if things do not work out with his GF it is nice for him to know he can jump into your bed as a back u... (read in full...)
Should I just risk it and kiss him?
Q. There's this guy that over the past 2 weeks that I've become really close too and I really like him and I think he likes me. We've gotten to know each other really well and I think that we are really compatible, but the problem is he's just turned ...
A. 24 June 2011: Ordinarily I would say "yes" but with you being underage, you would put him in a very difficult position if you did because any such contact can land him in some hot water with the law.
If he has not made a move on you its a good bet the above we... (read in full...)
He's not contacting me as much as he should! Should I be suspicious?
Q. hey all, heres the thing my partner and i are both in our early 20's we get on really great together and all that its just he went away a little while ago to work with his family and wont be back for a few months... normaly he contacts me at least ...
A. 24 June 2011: The break in the routine is the source of your anxiety I would bet.
Are there any circumstances you can think of that would cause him not to contact you? What nature of work is he doing with his family? Could it be possible that he does not have... (read in full...)
My girl slept with my brother before we met,should I be angry?
Q. I just found out that my brother had sex with my gf of 1 1/2 yrs, it happened before we were together but I'm really pissed at them for not telling me. I knew that they were friends (thats how I met her) but I think he should have told me before we ...
A. 24 June 2011: This is a shock no doubt. If there is no longer a connection I would not be worried about it. Do expect a little bit of tension at a family gathering if your brother is there.
Have you discussed this with your brother?... (read in full...)
What do men think if a woman asks them out?
Q. Question for the guys; what do you think of girls asking guys out first? It's just that there's this guy in the year above me at 6th form (he's 18, going to university soon, I'm 17). He's most definitely the cocky confident type but I think he's sli...
A. 23 June 2011: I am flattered if a woman asks me out.
Hell, at this point I am happy to get a passing glance or a wave. haha... (read in full...)
Mystery text: how do I convince her I'm telling the truth?
Q. Please I need help my gf thinks I'm cheating when I'm not it happened today she is at Florida and I am texting her then she receives text under my name but saying something I never ever texted even in a different way of spelling which is not my ...
A. 23 June 2011: Was it from your number? ... (read in full...)
She will not let me see my son even though I pay child support. I can't afford lawyers. How can I legally see my child?
Q. My ex girlfriend has banned me from seeing our son for no reason at all. I'm 22, she's 21 and our son has just turned 1. It all started when we broke up because I found out she cheated on me before she got pregnant. I moved out but said I'd always ...
A. 20 June 2011: sorry friend I had the graphics turned off on this machine and did not see you were from UK. ... (read in full...)
She will not let me see my son even though I pay child support. I can't afford lawyers. How can I legally see my child?
Q. My ex girlfriend has banned me from seeing our son for no reason at all. I'm 22, she's 21 and our son has just turned 1. It all started when we broke up because I found out she cheated on me before she got pregnant. I moved out but said I'd always ...
A. 20 June 2011: You don't need a lawyer to file a complaint with the judge which only entails the administrative costs
If you have a court arrangement for visitation and joint custody she has to abide by that or be in contempt. If she is not abiding by that and... (read in full...)
She finally spoke to me again only to tell me she was dating someone else...
Q. On Valentines Day, I told my friends which one of them I fancied, but at the time didn't really have a clue. Later that day, she got someone to tell me that she wasn't into me. Weeks later I started to have feelings for her, and had fallen in love ...
A. 20 June 2011: Obviously she only said that to hurt you.
My sardonic reply would be "Better him than me."
If this creature is so petty and demeaning she is hardly worth your time or anyone else's... (read in full...)
He hurts me so bad but I keep taking him back! How can I just break away from him for good??
Q. Hey Agony Aunts and Uncles. I just recently took my lying, cheating, disrespectful, sneaky bf back. I love him so much that no matter what he do or has done to me, i always forgive him and take him back...regardless of the situation. He has done ...
A. 19 June 2011: You simply have to make that decision and stick with it. There is no easy way about this. His behavior continues because the consequenses are not enough to motivate him to stop - in other words you break up with him and he knows you will just take ... (read in full...)
Advice on moving from the UK to America?
Q. I dont know if this is relevent but I want to move from the Uk to America, i'm just curious what I would need to do so? I would be living with a friend there please help!...
A. 17 June 2011: the good news is that pounds are worth more than dollars at this point - so at least your money goes farther here.
Make sure you get in touch with the British consulate when you arrive.
What city are you going to be living in?... (read in full...)
Girlfriend doesn't want to have sex after being raped 6 years ago
Q. My girl friend got rapped at the age of 18,and now she is 24 since then she didn't want to sleep with a man again.She is always afraid,that it will hurt her though she feel like doing it.Now it's difficult trying to sleep with her due to her past ...
A. 17 June 2011: This trama goes far beyond sex - she may need to get reacquainted with physical touch itself
You may wish to suggest that your girlfriend look into Healing Touch Therapy to help her get used to touch once again.
http://www.he... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has short fuse. Is it me? Please help me understand
Q. Hi there. My bf and I have been together for 18 months. Things are okay but I have one issue with him, his temper. He has a really bad temper and loses his cool really easily. He is not violent and I don’t think he ever would be but I struggle with ...
A. 16 June 2011: The fact that you have to censure or modify your behavior around him is proof that it is abuse. You can not assert yourself and confront him about his behavior because it gets him more mad?
Anything else you are not allowed to do or say because ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to stay out of relationship problems between friends. Help!
Q. Hi. My friend broke up with her boyfriend of two months,and this happened a few hours ago. Friend #1's bf was her boyfriend, Friend #2 is another friend of Friend #1: Friend #1:(her status) Hah! You think I'm going to be sad because you broke...
A. 16 June 2011: Lastly
boundaries boundaries boundaries.
If you feel someone sucking you into their drama - you need to put a little distance between you and that person
"I do not wish to be involved in this. That is between you and (X) none of my busin... (read in full...)
I'm trying to stay out of relationship problems between friends. Help!
Q. Hi. My friend broke up with her boyfriend of two months,and this happened a few hours ago. Friend #1's bf was her boyfriend, Friend #2 is another friend of Friend #1: Friend #1:(her status) Hah! You think I'm going to be sad because you broke...
A. 16 June 2011: Oh and the NUMBER ONE THING is
NEVER MAKE SOMEONE ELSE'S PROBLEM YOUR PROBLEM.
Boundaries is key
... (read in full...)
I'm trying to stay out of relationship problems between friends. Help!
Q. Hi. My friend broke up with her boyfriend of two months,and this happened a few hours ago. Friend #1's bf was her boyfriend, Friend #2 is another friend of Friend #1: Friend #1:(her status) Hah! You think I'm going to be sad because you broke...
A. 16 June 2011: A couple of rules of counseling are
- make sure you control the conversation not the person who you are talking to. Ask specific questions and do not be afraid to stop someone if they start trailing off in endless homilies that string 100 differen... (read in full...)
I'm a grown adult, so why am I still getting acne?
Q. I've had bad skin ever since my teens. Taking the pill helps, but it only masks the symptoms. If I go off it, the acne reappears soon after. And my back gets completely covered in it. I really hate it. I'm 24 so why is this still happening to me?...
A. 16 June 2011: A homeopathic physician can help because what you are experiencing may be something nutritional or as a result of some other condition.
... (read in full...)
Crush "technically single." What does this mean?
Q. There's this guy who I really like , thing is I fell for him before realizing he was taken.. He never spoke about his gf in group conversations or never hinted he was taken .. I've recently became his friend on fb and we chat sometimes about ...
A. 16 June 2011: Congratulations! you have just earned a spot as someone's break from their relationship. HE will confess and confide in you all the things he should be discussing with his girlfriend. IF he settles things with his girlfriend you will be on the trash ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has short fuse. Is it me? Please help me understand
Q. Hi there. My bf and I have been together for 18 months. Things are okay but I have one issue with him, his temper. He has a really bad temper and loses his cool really easily. He is not violent and I don’t think he ever would be but I struggle with ...
A. 16 June 2011: Displays of temper is a form of emotional abuse. Do you find yourself doing what he says just so he doesn't blow his top?
He may not want to hurt and may never raise a hand against you, but a person who consistently looses it is no differen... (read in full...)
Trouble with my lack of a love life
Q. I thought that I'd hit the net in search of some advice. I'm really having trouble with my love life, or should I say lack thereof. I've been single all my life and have never had anything even close to resembling a girlfriend or relationship. I ...
A. 15 June 2011: You never have a problem talking to people - that means you have half of your problem solved.
Forget technique and all that other stuff. Just be yourself in a conversation and have something to contribute. BEst place to get to talking to people i... (read in full...)
Love letters?
Q. Are love letters effective when it comes to letting a guy know that you are interested in him, or is it a childish or high school act? Just wondering. Thanks ...
A. 14 June 2011: Guys may not always admit it but they are sentimental. It takes time and effort to write a letter and that is something just about everyone appreciates. nothing childish about love letters... (read in full...)
Burning sensation when I pee. Any Idea what this is all about?
Q. Okay. Since yesterday morning I've been feeling this weird burning orgasmic feeling when I'm finished peeing. Its like a huge burning orgasm that dies out. I don't what the fck it is but it hurts and I don't like it. and now every 2 hours or ...
A. 13 June 2011: Anatatomically the nerves where you pee and where you feel sexual pleasure are pretty close and sensations could overlap.
Unfortunately with the blood it is best you go see a doctor before you develop a UTI. While it may seem embarassing to you -... (read in full...)
Its difficult for me to "get out there." Anyone have any similar experiences?
Q. Hey everyone. I guess I'm not really sure what I hope to accomplish with this. Partially just wanting to get it off my chest and partially hoping to find some good advice that I haven't seen elsewhere. I've searched the net a bit and haven't seen ...
A. 13 June 2011: There is no easy or sure fire way to get out there. The best way to find someone is to join some kind of group or other activity where people of similar interests meet.
If you meet a lady and you both have a common denominator that makes the ice ... (read in full...)
I cant wait until I start my course - I need a girl now!
Q. I have just left school ready to begin an art course in September, and am seriously lonely. I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago and my friendship groups are changing ready for people to move on in September. I love to go clubbing with ...
A. 12 June 2011: You just got to walk up to someone, open up your mouth and hope for the best. No big technique involved. ... (read in full...)
Why would a guy say he liked me shoes?
Q. What does it mean when a guy says he likes your shoes? Can a man really like a pair of cork wedges, really?! ...
A. 12 June 2011: Even though it is 2011 and the perception is that one person does not talk to another without having some objective - there are people in this world that still pass compliments just for compliment's sake. ... (read in full...)
Its nice my parents have sex, but do they need to be so loud and leave their lubes, toys and other things around?
Q. This isn't a relationship question, but rather wanting an opinion if I am in the right or wrong about what I think. My dad has moved away for a job, so he comes home once or twice a month. My parents are very much in love with each other, which I am ...
A. 11 June 2011: I must confess I could not stop laughing at the awkwardness of your situation. For that I am sorry.
One thing you can be thankful for is that your folks still have some steam in their stride when it comes to the bedroom. If I asked my parents ... (read in full...)
Is this age gap we have really that much out of line?
Q. Im a 40 year old divorced mother of 2. Recently I have begun dating a very nice guy who just turned 32. We seem to have a real connection to each other and have alot of fun, our sex life is great. The only problem is alot of my friends seem to ...
A. 11 June 2011: The age gap is a matter of opinion. i would be more concerned with his ultimate intentions if I were you. Is he interested in a long term relationship WITH YOU or are there other motives?... (read in full...)
Why can't I just forget about him like I had before? Why is he even in my head?
Q. (Sorry for the length of this) This isn't really a question about getting over someone per-say... in some ways yes, but it feels weird. So, about a year ago I started dating this guy we'll call A. A and I had a very happy, healthy relationship for...
A. 10 June 2011: Why should you forget him? He is not dead is he?
If you forget someone in a bad relationship you are not dealing with the feelings you need to deal with to move on. You are simply (and lazily) brushing things under the rug only to have it resurfac... (read in full...)
I can't get over his sexual past and I'm still worired that he wasnt telling me truth
Q. Hello, the problem has been making me quite uncomfortable with my bf. We met online back in dec 2010 and met IRL by end of April 2011. The thing is that we had unprotected sex ( he didn't really penetrated in me) but I read that it's high risk ...
A. 10 June 2011: You have legitimate questions and concerns here simply because STDs in any form affect you.
Mind you that becoming infected HIV: Some numbers I have seen are 1 in 50 million if you use a condom and have sex with someone in a high risk group (H... (read in full...)
Split up with my GF, did I do the right thing?
Q. I have broken up with my girlfriend after bieng together a few years. She wouldnt let me see my friends She over reacted at the smallest things She worshiped me too much. She had loads of insecurities and pushed them onto me Did I do th...
A. 10 June 2011: You just gotta get over the dependency she had in your relationship. You will over time when you start hanging out with your friends again and are able to have a chance to invest in #1. Then you will come to peace with your decision.
It regardle... (read in full...)
White discharge from my girlfriend's vagina. Is that normal?
Q. I was doing cunnilingus on my girlfriend yesterday and noticed some white discharge coming out from her vagina. The color was white and kinda looked like sperm. However, my girlfriend's a virgin, and we never had sex. Only foreplaying. It didn't ...
A. 10 June 2011: Perfectly normal. There are different discharges relating to the female cycle. There is a lot of mucous produced before the egg is released because the objective is to trap the sperm to give the best opportunity for pregnancy.
Now that you are ... (read in full...)
Split up with my GF, did I do the right thing?
Q. I have broken up with my girlfriend after bieng together a few years. She wouldnt let me see my friends She over reacted at the smallest things She worshiped me too much. She had loads of insecurities and pushed them onto me Did I do th...
A. 10 June 2011: sure sounds like you found 5 things that really was a problem in your relationship. The question really is how much of that behavior are you willing to put up with?
Remember that you need to have time with other people in your life and not just... (read in full...)
How do you move past a previous prolonging relationship?
Q. About a year and a half ago, I had a boyfriend that was no doubt my first love. Throughout our relationship, since it was both our first, we made plenty of mistakes, some that I regret. He ended up breaking up with me for my bestfriend a week later ...
A. 9 June 2011: Being over someone takes time. First thing is that you need to reconcile your feelings. Allow yourself to be hurt and allow yourself to cry. Most people bury their feelings then (surprise surprise) everything comes up in the next relationship.
... (read in full...)
Just a few questions......
Q. Hi! I was just hoping someone could give me advice, i have a few questions and i need someone else's opinions! Alright so, how do you know when you're ready to love again? what's love supposed to feel like? also, how do you know when you're over ...
A. 9 June 2011: you are ready to love when you are ready to put forth that sacrifice.
Love is not a feeling it is an action word. When you are ready to devote time and energy into another person then you are ready to be in love.
Being over someone takes ti... (read in full...)
I lied and told my boyfriend I am 16! What should I do?
Q. for a beggining im 14 years old turning 15 this month and my boyfriend turned 16 last month.. but i lied and told him that am onto 16 too! and now everyone even my closest friends think im turning 16 this month, but im really afraid of the future ...
A. 9 June 2011: hey you are a kid - and be happy about that and enjoy it while you can. You have the rest of your life to be an adult.
BEtter fess up soon before he finds out on his own. Just explain that you do not know why you lied about it. He probably... (read in full...)
Should I risk losing this guy to find a 'better' one just because I'm bored?
Q. I have been in a great relationship for over 2 years, but I am getting so incredibly bored. This is by far the longest relationship I've been in, but usually I drop the guy for a new and exciting one after only a month or so. I now find myself ...
A. 8 June 2011: There is nothing in any book that says you have to stay with a boyfriend or girlfriend because you have been for 2 years. You can break up with someone just because...well,you're bored. It is afterall your life.
Regarding the risks you state - ... (read in full...)
She turned me down, but I still can't get over her. How can I move on? Complicating all this I am already in a relationship.
Q. I'm currently in a relationship with this girl, but I can't stop thinking about my best friend. I was, and still am deeply in love with her. It is stronger than anything I've ever felt. I already told her this a year ago and she already turned me d...
A. 8 June 2011: The Good Book says "a double minded man is unstable in all his ways."
Keep that in mind here because if you are shaky with your girlfriend and shaky with your friend you will loose whatever realtions you have with both of them.
What you need... (read in full...)
Is it a crazy idea to have a baby at 15? Or a good idea?
Q. im 15 and i really want a baby. i know this is not really the best idea ever but i feel like i was born to be a mother. i have wanted a baby since i was 11 and like the idea of being a teenage mum. i currently dont have a boyfriend so it wouldnt be ...
A. 7 June 2011: Hopefully that cold glass of water in the face gives you a better picture of how your life is going to be and how you will be perceived if you proceed with this. ... (read in full...)
Is it a crazy idea to have a baby at 15? Or a good idea?
Q. im 15 and i really want a baby. i know this is not really the best idea ever but i feel like i was born to be a mother. i have wanted a baby since i was 11 and like the idea of being a teenage mum. i currently dont have a boyfriend so it wouldnt be ...
A. 7 June 2011: Are you even responsible for taking care of yourself yet? Baby's aren't playthings that you have when you want and then just hustle them off to your folks when you want to go to the mall or the lady gaga concert.
I am sure there is no shortage... (read in full...)
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