A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello, the problem has been making me quite uncomfortable with my bf. We met online back in dec 2010 and met IRL by end of April 2011. The thing is that we had unprotected sex ( he didn't really penetrated in me) but I read that it's high risk activity. I was very stupid at the time because I didn't know his sexual history before. Before he met me back in 2010, he was in a relationship with a woman..The lady didn't want him to wear a comdom and she has a prove that she's free from HIV. My bf told me he didn't look at her test result because he trusted her. His argument was if she's infected with HIV would she want to show her test result ? Anyway, they were togteher briefly for a month. After her, he met a few girls locally (HE SWEARS HE JUST MET UP FOR DINNER OR DRINKS..NOTHING SEXUAL ) His encounter with his ex was 8 months ago. He went back to his country and did 2 blood test. Both test came back negative and he doesn't have STD. Still paranoid, I kept pestering him if he slept with any of the girls he meet before he came to see me. I repeatedly asked him 8-10 times and he was very firmed that he didn;t have any sexual intercourse before he came and see me. He said that he can;t really prove it anymore and I just got to believe him. Till today, I don't believe him because he was quite a ladies man before his accident. He told me he changed since his accident, he wants to find a meaning in his life and his wild days are over. For the sake of my sanity, Ill take a blood test in a month's time ( 3 months after possible exposure). I can;t get over his sexual past and I'm still worired that he wasnt telling me trusth that he didn;t slept with anyone.. Am i just over reacting ?
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his ex, hiv , met online, sexual past, std, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): you could just ask the doctor for a printout of his oldest results. And then you could wait three months for the new results. Maybe seeing the old results testing negative might put your mind at ease. And then wait for the new ones
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): I used to know this girl, she was HIV positive, 18 years old, drop dead gorgeous, and I do mean gorgeous.Her male partner didn't know.I knew this other guy, gay, he was in a LTR with another gay guy. One week this guy gets sick, the first guy, he goes to the hospital and ends up finding out he has contracted HIV from his partner who was HIV positive, who supposedly tested negative at the onset of their LTR.My advice, test, show results, and don't assume anything.I knew another guy who died from HIV, and a few others as well.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Abzy  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 I do think you need to be paronoid as it is a very serious thing, but dont beat yourself up about it we all make silly mistakes ! (ive had more than my fair share)
Most men will never admit there sexual history too a woman, its just the way men are. so you probably will never find out if he is telling the truth.
If you like this man then there should be nothing too stop you trusting him.
You should both go and take a test together and make sure you see each others results - that way you can be sure everthing is going to be ok.
Dont worry about his past - if he say's he wants someone too settle down with and he's over his wild period (if he's over 30 he probably will be over this time anyway) trust him.
It could all turn out good :)
Good luck xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): You're not over reacting and it's good you're going to get tests.
OP if he really has proof that he's clean then why doesn't he show you that?
Anyway you won't know anything for sure until you get yourself tested. Forget about his sexual history you can't change that and you only need to have unprotected sex once in the past to contract an STD.
Just so you know OP, a HIV test is very specific. He may well have been tested and is HIV negative but that doesn't mean he doesn't have an STD.
OP if all you go for is to get tested for HIV then it will only be a test for that. You need a full work up to get tested for all STD's.
He may well have HPV and there is no test for that in men. It can't be detected in men.
So forget about his sexual history it's irrelevant, you made a big mistake having unsafe sex with him. You're the one who has to ensure that you haven't caught anything from that.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 You have legitimate questions and concerns here simply because STDs in any form affect you.
Mind you that becoming infected HIV: Some numbers I have seen are 1 in 50 million if you use a condom and have sex with someone in a high risk group (Homo or bisexual etc). If someone is already HIV positive transmission is about 10,000 - 1 if you use a condom. 1,000 to one if you don't.
This isn't to minimize your concern - it is just to give a little perspective to ease your mind over the "unprotected sex" scenario you mentioned you had with this man.
Understand that by you pestering him about this you imply that he is "unclean" or "at fault" or any number of other negative connotations.
One thing you could do is sit down with him.
Firstly explain to him that by you pestering him, that may have made him feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.
Explain also that the reason why you were so adamant was because it is a concern of yours.
Suggest that you both go together and get tested so that you may both start clean in the relationship.
And if he agrees to all that - let that be the end of it. The tests are very comprehensive and accurate to the point of certainty.
THis is not you eating crow but simply you bringing him around to your way of thinking.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (10 June 2011):
Your constant pestering of his past must be damaging your relationship, I don't think I would be able to put up with you for very long. You are probably coming across as quite needy and insecure.
Best thing you can do is get your tests done and then leave all this drama in the past. Lets hope in the meanwhile you haven't ruined your relationship.
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A
female
reader, bittersweetmemory  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 well i wonder why would he lie about it to you?
and even so..if he did take two blood test and they were negative? why do you worry about it?
i do think you have serious trust issues here..is there anything else you don't trust him on?
He told you about this lady he was having a sexual relationship with..i don't see why he wouldn't have told you about other girls if there were..so i'd say try to look forward instead of trying to look back and dwell on the past
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (10 June 2011):
 You are going to pester him straight out the door! It was stupid to not use protection but that was your choice as much as his, and although he shouldnt lie to you who he slept with before you met really is little of your buissness. You need to calm down and let him breathe!
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