A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a great relationship for over 2 years, but I am getting so incredibly bored. This is by far the longest relationship I've been in, but usually I drop the guy for a new and exciting one after only a month or so. I now find myself considering doing the same thing with this guy. I have so many options out there that have so much potential to make me happy. I'm not getting bored in a sexual sense, just a mental/intellectual sense. Once you know who someone is, the excitement of learning about them is gone. Unless I find someone really deep, I'm not going to want to stay with them. But I don't want to be in my 40's without a husband or a family. Should I risk losing this guy to find a better fit? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone! I've had a friend of mine tell me these exact same things for the last year now. I just needed some confirmation. You're all very insightful and I have much appreciation for it!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 June 2011):
I think your problem is that you're expecting a man to be able to make you happy and entertain you constantly. That's not a man's job. It's your job to make yourself happy, and to entertain yourself. The right man will then join you and add to it. You mustn't make the mistake of continually relying on the man in your life to be your source of entertainment. You need to make sure that you have your own life, own hobbies, own career, own fun so that when someone comes along you're not making them the only thing you have.
All that said, the good news is that you're still young. And like most young people, you're still growing mentally. You have plenty of time to date other guys, make new friends, try new experiences. And when you do all those things, you'll mature to a point where when the the right man does come along, you won't be bored because you and he will work hard at the relationship to make it work.
I would say that since you're already bored, you might just as well move on. But don't move on to another guy. Instead take some time out and focus on your own life.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker  +, writes (8 June 2011):
 There is nothing in any book that says you have to stay with a boyfriend or girlfriend because you have been for 2 years. You can break up with someone just because...well,you're bored. It is afterall your life.
Regarding the risks you state - that is just part of dating. If you pass someone up for someone else there is that "what if" that will be lingering.
Don't worry about settling down at this stage in your life because over the next 10 years or so your life will undergo multiple and significant changes and it is likely you will not be the same person.
Just guard your heart, be responsible with your words and actions and do not play with someone else's feelings. Apart from all that, have fun and enjoy people's company.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (8 June 2011):
Hi there. It's possible you feel this way because you have made each guy you date the centre of your universe.
It's not so much that you have got to know them thoroughly and there is nothing more to find out, but you might also have given up a lot in your own life - your friends, your own interests etc., believing that you should always be there for the man in your life.
This could be the reason for feeling boredom after a short time.
Often when women go into relationships, they give up a lot to be in that relationship, believing that's what they should do.
The truth is you do need to still have your own friends, interests and your own life as well. It gives you some balance. It also gives you both things to talk about when you see each other.
Perhaps this is what you need more of.
The other reason for feeling boredom in a relationship, could be that you don't have enough fun together. Maybe when you see each other you only sit around and watch tv.
Try adding more variety to your own life and in your life with him, start doing more interesting activities together. It sounds like the one missing ingredient in your life is fun.
Start enjoying life more. Life is too short to be bored.
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